What are people in DC’s honest views of southern women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've met some southern women who can be pretty haughty, arrogant and condescending. I was recently at a conference where they just had big round tables that seat 10 at each table, and servers were bringing food out as people were seated, with people filtering in and filtering out throughout, and no program during the meal. So, I arrived at a table, asked if anyone was sitting at one of the empty seats, and took the seat when they said nobody was sitting there. The meal was brought out, and there was some general small talk but everyone was just sitting there, nobody eating. Things like the bread basket and butter dish and salad dressing were in the middle of the table, and given it was a big table, one had to reach to get it. So, I did. I'm tall and have long arms - so I reached out and picked up the bread basket, took a piece and passed it on, followed by the butter, the salad dressing and so on. Somewhere along the way I noticed that the southern woman sitting across from me was looking at me in shock, mouth agape, so I paused and looked at her. She muttered "oh, I see some of us have clearly never done cotillion" as if there were something horrifically wrong with what I was doing.

Uh, no. I've never done cotillion. In fact probably close to 99% of Americans don't have cotillions, it's actually pretty niche and regional in American society. So don't go around judging those of us who don't. And staring at someone in shock, mouth agape, just because they don't know your niche set of etiquette rules is in itself not good etiquette.

By saying that she violated one of the key precepts of cotillion which is that you are never supposed to insult others’ manners or call attention to them in any way.

The rules of etiquette are there to make people feel comfortable because they understand what is expected. In fact one of the examples is what do you do as the host if someone drinks from the wrong glass? You go with it and lead by matching your guest. You do not call them out in any way.

I am a liberal southerner who spent a lot of time as an expat because my parents were hippies and had to leave. I did send my kids to the local version of cotillion wherever we lived as it is good practice in social graces.

But mentioning cotillion definitely makes people judge you.

I find in southern settings we like a lot of detail in our stories- but in other areas I will cut out details like setting to avoid triggering prejudices. So for example, I might share a funny story about my 5th grader for the first time asking a boy to dance, but I will leave out that it was at my parents club for a cotillion ball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you weirdly perky?

For sure, weirdly perky is not appealing to the women who wear no makeup, have straggly hair and wear Birkenstocks.

I wear makeup and don't have straggly hair or own Birkenstocks, but I am from New England, generally sarcastic, and excessively perky women (picture Sarah Newlin from True Blood) are can grate on me (small doses are fine).

I don't care for excessively perky or dowdy and dour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nonsense. It’s emotionally immature to base an entire framework around your self worth/persona because of something you’re perceiving (“I feel like”). Grow up. You’re either projecting your own insecurities or making assumptions about what others think about you.

You must not have read the hundreds of DCUM posts that are disdainful of the south and southerners and/or their accents.

There's also hundreds of DCUM posts that are disdainful of "urban elites" and so on.

You can't seriously believe that in this forum that most posters are disdainful of "urban elites."

Certainly not "most" but there definitely is a cadre that posts a prolific stream of those kinds of posts here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved here about 5 years ago and low key feel like my coworkers tolerate me but judge the fact that I’m from the south. I’ve only worked in corporate jobs, and never talk about politics, but identify as right of center but I don’t really like Trump and don’t feel comfortable talking about politics. I feel like I have to hide the fact that I’m a southern sorority girl that did a debutante ball, goes to church and country clubs ect even though they people I work with grew up upper middle class too. I’ve also scrubbed my social media of all the fraternity formal date pics and things like that after some snarky comments.

I’d just love to understand why people are so judgemental. My experience has always been that people in my life and hometown are kind and polite, so would love some honest feedback about what people think here about southern women and how I can appear more approachable while staying true to myself.

I am not DC native, transplant from Europe. I LOVE people from south. They, primarily, are very well educated, well read, kind, less mental issues compared to people from North East, less arrogant. Please, stay true to who you are. It is such a pleasant contrast to meet people like you.

Interesting. So, when you say that you “LOVE people from south (sic)” are you saying that you only “LOVE” and possibly have only met people who have actually left the South? As in, left the South to come to the Northeast /Mid-Atlantic areas of the country? If so, you might want to ask them why they left.

I did not say that I only love people who relocated to the north, you made it up and then judged me for the things you made up. I had an opportunity to travel to Georgia, North and South Carolina, New Orleans, and Alabama and to meet locals in those regions. As for the southern people I met in DC and NYC, I don't care why they left. A lot of them relocated for college, job opportunity, marriage. As an immigrant myself, it does not matter for me why people moved. It is more important what they bring with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've met some southern women who can be pretty haughty, arrogant and condescending. I was recently at a conference where they just had big round tables that seat 10 at each table, and servers were bringing food out as people were seated, with people filtering in and filtering out throughout, and no program during the meal. So, I arrived at a table, asked if anyone was sitting at one of the empty seats, and took the seat when they said nobody was sitting there. The meal was brought out, and there was some general small talk but everyone was just sitting there, nobody eating. Things like the bread basket and butter dish and salad dressing were in the middle of the table, and given it was a big table, one had to reach to get it. So, I did. I'm tall and have long arms - so I reached out and picked up the bread basket, took a piece and passed it on, followed by the butter, the salad dressing and so on. Somewhere along the way I noticed that the southern woman sitting across from me was looking at me in shock, mouth agape, so I paused and looked at her. She muttered "oh, I see some of us have clearly never done cotillion" as if there were something horrifically wrong with what I was doing.

Uh, no. I've never done cotillion. In fact probably close to 99% of Americans don't have cotillions, it's actually pretty niche and regional in American society. So don't go around judging those of us who don't. And staring at someone in shock, mouth agape, just because they don't know your niche set of etiquette rules is in itself not good etiquette.

Ok I am a northerner and not a country club one and I can confidently say that in most circles leaning over the table and reaching is bad manners. You say, “excuse me, will you please pass me the bread?” And once it is passed, you say “thank you”.

Back to the matter at hand. I don’t think ops problem is that she is southern, it’s that she is a grown adult still blabbering about her sorority and the country club. If the first thing I learn about someone from any area is that they were in a sorority and belong to a country club, I already know they’re not my kind of person. I’ll be nice of course but won’t be motivated to get to know you.

I have a wonderful friend who is a southern transplant but they’re not a “country club southerner” and we have a lot in common to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s DC. Nobody is nice to anyone.

truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s DC. Nobody is nice to anyone.

truth

Nope, I have met a lot of nice and kind people here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s DC. Nobody is nice to anyone.

truth

Nope, I have met a lot of nice and kind people here.

You want a cookie

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved here about 5 years ago and low key feel like my coworkers tolerate me but judge the fact that I’m from the south. I’ve only worked in corporate jobs, and never talk about politics, but identify as right of center but I don’t really like Trump and don’t feel comfortable talking about politics. I feel like I have to hide the fact that I’m a southern sorority girl that did a debutante ball, goes to church and country clubs ect even though they people I work with grew up upper middle class too. I’ve also scrubbed my social media of all the fraternity formal date pics and things like that after some snarky comments.

I’d just love to understand why people are so judgemental. My experience has always been that people in my life and hometown are kind and polite, so would love some honest feedback about what people think here about southern women and how I can appear more approachable while staying true to myself.

I am not DC native, transplant from Europe. I LOVE people from south. They, primarily, are very well educated, well read, kind, less mental issues compared to people from North East, less arrogant. Please, stay true to who you are. It is such a pleasant contrast to meet people like you.

Interesting. So, when you say that you “LOVE people from south (sic)” are you saying that you only “LOVE” and possibly have only met people who have actually left the South? As in, left the South to come to the Northeast /Mid-Atlantic areas of the country? If so, you might want to ask them why they left.

I did not say that I only love people who relocated to the north, you made it up and then judged me for the things you made up. I had an opportunity to travel to Georgia, North and South Carolina, New Orleans, and Alabama and to meet locals in those regions. As for the southern people I met in DC and NYC, I don't care why they left. A lot of them relocated for college, job opportunity, marriage. As an immigrant myself, it does not matter for me why people moved. It is more important what they bring with them.

No, actually I asked you a question.
Have a lovely evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've met some southern women who can be pretty haughty, arrogant and condescending. I was recently at a conference where they just had big round tables that seat 10 at each table, and servers were bringing food out as people were seated, with people filtering in and filtering out throughout, and no program during the meal. So, I arrived at a table, asked if anyone was sitting at one of the empty seats, and took the seat when they said nobody was sitting there. The meal was brought out, and there was some general small talk but everyone was just sitting there, nobody eating. Things like the bread basket and butter dish and salad dressing were in the middle of the table, and given it was a big table, one had to reach to get it. So, I did. I'm tall and have long arms - so I reached out and picked up the bread basket, took a piece and passed it on, followed by the butter, the salad dressing and so on. Somewhere along the way I noticed that the southern woman sitting across from me was looking at me in shock, mouth agape, so I paused and looked at her. She muttered "oh, I see some of us have clearly never done cotillion" as if there were something horrifically wrong with what I was doing.

Uh, no. I've never done cotillion. In fact probably close to 99% of Americans don't have cotillions, it's actually pretty niche and regional in American society. So don't go around judging those of us who don't. And staring at someone in shock, mouth agape, just because they don't know your niche set of etiquette rules is in itself not good etiquette.

Anonymous wrote:Ok I am a northerner and not a country club one and I can confidently say that in most circles leaning over the table and reaching is bad manners. You say, “excuse me, will you please pass me the bread?” And once it is passed, you say “thank you”.

I'm sorry, was everyone at the table supposed to look at each other in turn, say “excuse me, will you please pass me the bread?” and then all sit patiently, every one, waiting for something never to happen? Or did you miss that the items in question were in the middle of the large table, inaccessible unless someone did a reach into the middle and started them around along the perimeter -- i.e., exactly what PP stated she did? And then you corrected her?

Is that right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved here about 5 years ago and low key feel like my coworkers tolerate me but judge the fact that I’m from the south. I’ve only worked in corporate jobs, and never talk about politics, but identify as right of center but I don’t really like Trump and don’t feel comfortable talking about politics. I feel like I have to hide the fact that I’m a southern sorority girl that did a debutante ball, goes to church and country clubs ect even though they people I work with grew up upper middle class too. I’ve also scrubbed my social media of all the fraternity formal date pics and things like that after some snarky comments.

I’d just love to understand why people are so judgemental. My experience has always been that people in my life and hometown are kind and polite, so would love some honest feedback about what people think here about southern women and how I can appear more approachable while staying true to myself.

I am not DC native, transplant from Europe. I LOVE people from south. They, primarily, are very well educated, well read, kind, less mental issues compared to people from North East, less arrogant. Please, stay true to who you are. It is such a pleasant contrast to meet people like you.

Interesting. So, when you say that you “LOVE people from south (sic)” are you saying that you only “LOVE” and possibly have only met people who have actually left the South? As in, left the South to come to the Northeast /Mid-Atlantic areas of the country? If so, you might want to ask them why they left.

I did not say that I only love people who relocated to the north, you made it up and then judged me for the things you made up. I had an opportunity to travel to Georgia, North and South Carolina, New Orleans, and Alabama and to meet locals in those regions. As for the southern people I met in DC and NYC, I don't care why they left. A lot of them relocated for college, job opportunity, marriage. As an immigrant myself, it does not matter for me why people moved. It is more important what they bring with them.

No, actually I asked you a question.
Have a lovely evening.

DP here. With YOUR slant on it as if you have an axe to grind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved here about 5 years ago and low key feel like my coworkers tolerate me but judge the fact that I’m from the south. I’ve only worked in corporate jobs, and never talk about politics, but identify as right of center but I don’t really like Trump and don’t feel comfortable talking about politics. I feel like I have to hide the fact that I’m a southern sorority girl that did a debutante ball, goes to church and country clubs ect even though they people I work with grew up upper middle class too. I’ve also scrubbed my social media of all the fraternity formal date pics and things like that after some snarky comments.

I’d just love to understand why people are so judgemental. My experience has always been that people in my life and hometown are kind and polite, so would love some honest feedback about what people think here about southern women and how I can appear more approachable while staying true to myself.

I am not DC native, transplant from Europe. I LOVE people from south. They, primarily, are very well educated, well read, kind, less mental issues compared to people from North East, less arrogant. Please, stay true to who you are. It is such a pleasant contrast to meet people like you.

Thank you!

OMG and you wonder why people don't like you when you all generalize about people from other regions in this way. FFS. So oblivious to your own hypocrisy.

What's wrong with YOU? As if DCUM posters don't generalize about southerners and the south all the time!

All. The. Time!

[Anonymous]

We have country clubs here too, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've met some southern women who can be pretty haughty, arrogant and condescending. I was recently at a conference where they just had big round tables that seat 10 at each table, and servers were bringing food out as people were seated, with people filtering in and filtering out throughout, and no program during the meal. So, I arrived at a table, asked if anyone was sitting at one of the empty seats, and took the seat when they said nobody was sitting there. The meal was brought out, and there was some general small talk but everyone was just sitting there, nobody eating. Things like the bread basket and butter dish and salad dressing were in the middle of the table, and given it was a big table, one had to reach to get it. So, I did. I'm tall and have long arms - so I reached out and picked up the bread basket, took a piece and passed it on, followed by the butter, the salad dressing and so on. Somewhere along the way I noticed that the southern woman sitting across from me was looking at me in shock, mouth agape, so I paused and looked at her. She muttered "oh, I see some of us have clearly never done cotillion" as if there were something horrifically wrong with what I was doing.

Uh, no. I've never done cotillion. In fact probably close to 99% of Americans don't have cotillions, it's actually pretty niche and regional in American society. So don't go around judging those of us who don't. And staring at someone in shock, mouth agape, just because they don't know your niche set of etiquette rules is in itself not good etiquette.

Ok I am a northerner and not a country club one and I can confidently say that in most circles leaning over the table and reaching is bad manners. You say, “excuse me, will you please pass me the bread?” And once it is passed, you say “thank you”.

Back to the matter at hand. I don’t think ops problem is that she is southern, it’s that she is a grown adult still blabbering about her sorority and the country club. If the first thing I learn about someone from any area is that they were in a sorority and belong to a country club, I already know they’re not my kind of person. I’ll be nice of course but won’t be motivated to get to know you.

I have a wonderful friend who is a southern transplant but they’re not a “country club southerner” and we have a lot in common to talk about.

The bread and other items were in the center of the table and it was a big table. It wasn't within reach for someone to simply pass it. One way or another, SOMEONE was going to have to lean in and get it. But nobody was, they were all just sitting there in awkward small talk, probably hoping they wouldn't have to be the one to lean in and get it. That's where rules of etiquette failed and where common sense and pragmatism prevailed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've met some southern women who can be pretty haughty, arrogant and condescending. I was recently at a conference where they just had big round tables that seat 10 at each table, and servers were bringing food out as people were seated, with people filtering in and filtering out throughout, and no program during the meal. So, I arrived at a table, asked if anyone was sitting at one of the empty seats, and took the seat when they said nobody was sitting there. The meal was brought out, and there was some general small talk but everyone was just sitting there, nobody eating. Things like the bread basket and butter dish and salad dressing were in the middle of the table, and given it was a big table, one had to reach to get it. So, I did. I'm tall and have long arms - so I reached out and picked up the bread basket, took a piece and passed it on, followed by the butter, the salad dressing and so on. Somewhere along the way I noticed that the southern woman sitting across from me was looking at me in shock, mouth agape, so I paused and looked at her. She muttered "oh, I see some of us have clearly never done cotillion" as if there were something horrifically wrong with what I was doing.

Uh, no. I've never done cotillion. In fact probably close to 99% of Americans don't have cotillions, it's actually pretty niche and regional in American society. So don't go around judging those of us who don't. And staring at someone in shock, mouth agape, just because they don't know your niche set of etiquette rules is in itself not good etiquette.

Ok I am a northerner and not a country club one and I can confidently say that in most circles leaning over the table and reaching is bad manners. You say, “excuse me, will you please pass me the bread?” And once it is passed, you say “thank you”.

Back to the matter at hand. I don’t think ops problem is that she is southern, it’s that she is a grown adult still blabbering about her sorority and the country club. If the first thing I learn about someone from any area is that they were in a sorority and belong to a country club, I already know they’re not my kind of person. I’ll be nice of course but won’t be motivated to get to know you.

I have a wonderful friend who is a southern transplant but they’re not a “country club southerner” and we have a lot in common to talk about.

The bread and other items were in the center of the table and it was a big table. It wasn't within reach for someone to simply pass it. One way or another, SOMEONE was going to have to lean in and get it. But nobody was, they were all just sitting there in awkward small talk, probably hoping they wouldn't have to be the one to lean in and get it. That's where rules of etiquette failed and where common sense and pragmatism prevailed.

Oh. I missed that it was out of reach for the whole table. Ok then I don’t know what pp was supposed to have done, maybe OP can enlighten us since she had cotillion.