What are people in DC’s honest views of southern women

[Anonymous]

How old are you? If you’re at least 5 years out from college why would your sorority life/formals be remotely relevant to your life anymore? I grew up in the south and went to a big state school. I wasn’t in a sorority but went to some fraternity functions and belonged to a country club. I don’t think this has come up as a topic at work or with anyone in this area. But I also don’t make “being from the south” an identity. I do hate Trump and Republican politics in general though so maybe I’m not as connected to my home state as someone who supports conservative ideology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved here about 5 years ago and low key feel like my coworkers tolerate me but judge the fact that I’m from the south. I’ve only worked in corporate jobs, and never talk about politics, but identify as right of center but I don’t really like Trump and don’t feel comfortable talking about politics. I feel like I have to hide the fact that I’m a southern sorority girl that did a debutante ball, goes to church and country clubs ect even though they people I work with grew up upper middle class too. I’ve also scrubbed my social media of all the fraternity formal date pics and things like that after some snarky comments.

I’d just love to understand why people are so judgemental. My experience has always been that people in my life and hometown are kind and polite, so would love some honest feedback about what people think here about southern women and how I can appear more approachable while staying true to myself.

I am not DC native, transplant from Europe. I LOVE people from south. They, primarily, are very well educated, well read, kind, less mental issues compared to people from North East, less arrogant. Please, stay true to who you are. It is such a pleasant contrast to meet people like you.

Also a European transplant. And I agree 100 percent. Southern people tend to be kinder, more humane, more interesting, more down to Earth. Also more curious and straightforward. I always like people who are really southern.

Please don't change a thing to "adapt."

The stereotypes are insane in this thread. Some people are good, and some people suck in every state and DC, from every income level, from every background.

Stop with this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. I really mean that: No.One.Cares. Meaning that if your idea of small talk is telling me about your sorority and your debutant balls and teas, I really don’t care. You don’t need to hide it. Many of also also belong to sororities and even made debuts. For the most part, we don’t bring that kind of personal stuff to work with us though. I won’t be scouring your social media. Just be a decent, competent coworker — that’s all I care about.

Also, you should know that DC — not “Washington” — used to be very much a Southern city. See the famous quote by JFK. So if you’re talking to DC natives about your “Southern” identity, wondering why some of us might seem “judgmental” to you, it might be because you’ve said something that makes one of us think that you’re repping for the KKK or the Daughters of the Confederacy — as opposed to, say, being upset that it’s hard to find White Lily flour at local grocery stores.

Examples would be nice, if you’d care to share a few, just so we all have a clearer idea of what exactly it is that you think might be prompting judgmental responses from your coworkers.

Do you honestly think she's saying something that suggests she's "repping for the KKK?" Get over your arrogant self.

If you're an "actual" southerner from the south and your family had money when they were growing up... well, you're only 2 generations displaced from Jim Crow, i.e., your grandparents. And 4-5 (i.e., their grandparents) from cohabitating certain public spaces with former slaves that you despised so much that you passed laws so you didn't have to cohabitate with them. Its shameful that people that proudly say they're from the south actually mean the white part of it.

Your comment and criticism of the south is not unwarrented; suggesting that someone is "repping for the KKK" is shameful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you weirdly perky?

For sure, weirdly perky is not appealing to the women who wear no makeup, have straggly hair and wear Birkenstocks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:
You say you don’t like Trump…..but did you vote for him in any of the 3 Elections he ran in?

She said, "I don't really like Trump," implying that her dislike is not that strong, and telling me everything I need to know about her.

[Anonymous]

DC is full of serious people doing serious work. If you’re 5 years out of college and still talking about your sorority and balls, THAT’s the problem. No one cares and they think you should have moved on by now. They can’t take you seriously if this is all still important to you.

And if you “held your nose” and voted for Trump, most people here will rightfully 100% judge you as being ignorant about government, the constitution, history, and democracy.

[Anonymous]

Nonsense. It’s emotionally immature to base an entire framework around your self worth/persona because of something you’re perceiving (“I feel like”). Grow up. You’re either projecting your own insecurities or making assumptions about what others think about you.

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, people are insecure about old systems of class oppression that they don't belong to.

For ex: I've been called Castle Lady on DCUM, because apparently I've posted a little too much about my aristocratic roots in Europe and my family's castles. People will assume a lot of untrue things about me, based only on these facts.

Same difference. Tread lightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nonsense. It’s emotionally immature to base an entire framework around your self worth/persona because of something you’re perceiving (“I feel like”). Grow up. You’re either projecting your own insecurities or making assumptions about what others think about you.

You must not have read the hundreds of DCUM posts that are disdainful of the south and southerners and/or their accents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you weirdly perky?

For sure, weirdly perky is not appealing to the women who wear no makeup, have straggly hair and wear Birkenstocks.

I wear makeup and don't have straggly hair or own Birkenstocks, but I am from New England, generally sarcastic, and excessively perky women (picture Sarah Newlin from True Blood) are can grate on me (small doses are fine).

[Anonymous]

I've met a couple of overtly southern belle types in my work and no one judges them for it because they also happen to be are competent, smart, and pleasant to be around and good to work with. If anything, their Southern traits are seen as quirky aspects of their personality -- similar to someone who heavily identifies as a New Yorker or a Canadian and its obvious due to accent, colloquialisms, and manner. If your coworkers are judging you, I tend to agree that it's something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nonsense. It’s emotionally immature to base an entire framework around your self worth/persona because of something you’re perceiving (“I feel like”). Grow up. You’re either projecting your own insecurities or making assumptions about what others think about you.

You must not have read the hundreds of DCUM posts that are disdainful of the south and southerners and/or their accents.

But the OP spoke about her coworkers. Why assume that her coworkers — who know the OP personally, and may be responding to specific things — or not — overlap significantly with the people who are posting on DCUM? It’s also quite possible that what the OP is viewing as judgement “ might actually be something else entirely.

[Anonymous]

I've met some southern women who can be pretty haughty, arrogant and condescending. I was recently at a conference where they just had big round tables that seat 10 at each table, and servers were bringing food out as people were seated, with people filtering in and filtering out throughout, and no program during the meal. So, I arrived at a table, asked if anyone was sitting at one of the empty seats, and took the seat when they said nobody was sitting there. The meal was brought out, and there was some general small talk but everyone was just sitting there, nobody eating. Things like the bread basket and butter dish and salad dressing were in the middle of the table, and given it was a big table, one had to reach to get it. So, I did. I'm tall and have long arms - so I reached out and picked up the bread basket, took a piece and passed it on, followed by the butter, the salad dressing and so on. Somewhere along the way I noticed that the southern woman sitting across from me was looking at me in shock, mouth agape, so I paused and looked at her. She muttered "oh, I see some of us have clearly never done cotillion" as if there were something horrifically wrong with what I was doing.

Uh, no. I've never done cotillion. In fact probably close to 99% of Americans don't have cotillions, it's actually pretty niche and regional in American society. So don't go around judging those of us who don't. And staring at someone in shock, mouth agape, just because they don't know your niche set of etiquette rules is in itself not good etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nonsense. It’s emotionally immature to base an entire framework around your self worth/persona because of something you’re perceiving (“I feel like”). Grow up. You’re either projecting your own insecurities or making assumptions about what others think about you.

You must not have read the hundreds of DCUM posts that are disdainful of the south and southerners and/or their accents.

There's also hundreds of DCUM posts that are disdainful of "urban elites" and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nonsense. It’s emotionally immature to base an entire framework around your self worth/persona because of something you’re perceiving (“I feel like”). Grow up. You’re either projecting your own insecurities or making assumptions about what others think about you.

You must not have read the hundreds of DCUM posts that are disdainful of the south and southerners and/or their accents.

There's also hundreds of DCUM posts that are disdainful of "urban elites" and so on.

You can't seriously believe that in this forum that most posters are disdainful of "urban elites."