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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've met some southern women who can be pretty haughty, arrogant and condescending.  I was recently at a conference where they just had big round tables that seat 10 at each table, and servers were bringing food out as people were seated, with people filtering in and filtering out throughout, and no program during the meal.  So, I arrived at a table, asked if anyone was sitting at one of the empty seats, and took the seat when they said nobody was sitting there.  The meal was brought out, and there was some general small talk but everyone was just sitting there, nobody eating.  Things like the bread basket and butter dish and salad dressing were in the middle of the table, and given it was a big table, one had to reach to get it.   So, I did.  I'm tall and have long arms - so I reached out and picked up the bread basket, took a piece and passed it on, followed by the butter, the salad dressing and so on.  Somewhere along the way I noticed that the southern woman sitting across from me was looking at me in shock, mouth agape, so I paused and looked at her.  She muttered "[i]oh, I see some of us have clearly never done cotillion[/i]" as if there were something horrifically wrong with what I was doing.

Uh, no.  I've never done cotillion.  In fact probably close to 99% of Americans don't have cotillions, it's actually pretty niche and regional in American society.  So don't go around judging those of us who don't.  And staring at someone in shock, mouth agape, just because they don't know your niche set of etiquette rules is in itself not good etiquette.  [/quote]

By saying that she violated one of the key precepts of cotillion which is that you are never supposed to insult others’ manners or call attention to them in any way.

The rules of etiquette are there to make people feel comfortable because they understand what is expected.  In fact one of the examples is what do you do as the host if someone drinks from the wrong glass? You go with it and lead by matching your guest. You do not call them out in any way.

I am a liberal southerner who spent a lot of time as an expat because my parents were hippies and had to leave.  I did send my kids to the local version of cotillion wherever we lived as it is good practice in social graces.

But mentioning cotillion definitely makes people judge you.

I find in southern settings we like a lot of detail in our stories- but in other areas I will cut out details like setting to avoid triggering prejudices.  So for example, I might share a funny story about my 5th grader for the first time asking a boy to dance, but I will leave out that it was at my parents club for a cotillion ball.[/quote]

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