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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've met some southern women who can be pretty haughty, arrogant and condescending.  I was recently at a conference where they just had big round tables that seat 10 at each table, and servers were bringing food out as people were seated, with people filtering in and filtering out throughout, and no program during the meal.  So, I arrived at a table, asked if anyone was sitting at one of the empty seats, and took the seat when they said nobody was sitting there.  The meal was brought out, and there was some general small talk but everyone was just sitting there, nobody eating.  Things like the bread basket and butter dish and salad dressing were in the middle of the table, and given it was a big table, one had to reach to get it.   So, I did.  I'm tall and have long arms - so I reached out and picked up the bread basket, took a piece and passed it on, followed by the butter, the salad dressing and so on.  Somewhere along the way I noticed that the southern woman sitting across from me was looking at me in shock, mouth agape, so I paused and looked at her.  She muttered "[i]oh, I see some of us have clearly never done cotillion[/i]" as if there were something horrifically wrong with what I was doing.

Uh, no.  I've never done cotillion.  In fact probably close to 99% of Americans don't have cotillions, it's actually pretty niche and regional in American society.  So don't go around judging those of us who don't.  And staring at someone in shock, mouth agape, just because they don't know your niche set of etiquette rules is in itself not good etiquette.  [/quote]

Ok I am a northerner and not a country club one and I can confidently say that in most circles leaning over the table and reaching is bad manners. You say, “excuse me, will you please pass me the bread?” And once it is passed, you say “thank you”.

Back to the matter at hand. I don’t think ops problem is that she is southern, it’s that she is a grown adult still blabbering about her sorority and the country club. If the first thing I learn about someone from any area is that they were in a sorority and belong to a country club, I already know they’re not my kind of person. I’ll be nice of course but won’t be motivated to get to know you.

I have a wonderful friend who is a southern transplant but they’re not a “country club southerner” and we have a lot in common to talk about. [/quote]

The bread and other items were in the center of the table and it was a big table.  It wasn't within reach for someone to simply pass it.  One way or another, [i]SOMEONE[/i] was going to have to lean in and get it.  But nobody was, they were all just sitting there in awkward small talk, probably hoping they wouldn't have to be the one to lean in and get it.  That's where rules of etiquette failed and where common sense and pragmatism prevailed.[/quote]
Oh. I missed that it was out of reach for the whole table. Ok then I don’t know what pp was supposed to have done, maybe OP can enlighten us since she had cotillion. [/quote]

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