How to handle family funeral while in the process of of converting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simplest thing to do is to go up for communion just as everyone else does, and cross your arms over your chest to receive a blessing when the time comes. I am not watching every person who goes up to the altar during communion and assume most people aren't, you are either in line yourself or back at the pew with your head down and praying. Maybe if she is right behind you your mother might notice that you didn't take communion, but she might not. if she asks afterward say you will talk about it later, say that today is a day for grief, let's focus on that.

OP here.

Thank you for your kind reply. Somehow, despite being raised Catholic by my parents, they never taught me about crossing your arms over your chest. Instead, they always forced me to get communion no matter what.

Even as a young adult, we always went to Saturday evening services, so I don't recall seeing young kids there. And the holidays are always a zoo. So I just never ever saw anyone crossing their arms over their chest before.

I haven't been to a mass in a very long time.

I feel almost stunned to have this suggestion laid on me by others and not been known by me previously, but it's definitely the right one.

Well, at least you’ve answered the question that I put to you before – you have many times gotten communion in the past when you shouldn’t have. But this time you just don’t wanna do it because you wanna stick a fork in the eye of your parents at the toddlers funeral. You wanna make it about you. You’re not willing to compromise at all or do anything to make anybody else happy and you’re just thinking about yourself. It’s very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Practicing Catholic here. The correct thing to do is not receive communion. Catholics are not at all offended by people not receiving- and it’s actually wrong/offensive to receive if you don’t believe. There is nothing wrong with staying respectfully in the pew or crossing your arms over your chest to indicate you will not be receiving. No one should have a problem with that.

OP here.

Thank you for your response. I don't plan to receive communion, and I know one is not supposed to if they are not Catholic or are in a state of sin.

I just don't know how to approach it because I know my parents at the very least will be outraged and will insist I do so because of this traumatic event.

Tell them you are not in a place that allows you to receive communion. Would they want you to be hypocritical?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My jewish rabbi would say the point is to be a support to the parents of the deceased and one way you can be supportive is, in this case, to do things you wouldn't ordinarily, in order to keep the peace. God will understand that.

I’m pretty sure no Jewish rabbi would counsel that a Jew needs to take communion under any circumstances other than saving their lives. Coming from this as an ex Catholic with plenty of drama that extends to funerals, I think the best bet here is to just go up to the altar, get the blessing, and ignore/walk away if the parents attempt to engage or start something. The fault here would fall entirely on the parents if they chose to make a scene.

Are you Jewish or Catholic?

OP isn’t Jewish or Catholic. She just wants to make a stink at a child’s funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

[Anonymous]

For clarity: Episcopals may “take” communion, but Catholics “receive” it, as multiple posters have indicated. The whole “take” thing seems to be a “high church” linguistic affectation, but there is an important distinction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My jewish rabbi would say the point is to be a support to the parents of the deceased and one way you can be supportive is, in this case, to do things you wouldn't ordinarily, in order to keep the peace. God will understand that.

I’m pretty sure no Jewish rabbi would counsel that a Jew needs to take communion under any circumstances other than saving their lives. Coming from this as an ex Catholic with plenty of drama that extends to funerals, I think the best bet here is to just go up to the altar, get the blessing, and ignore/walk away if the parents attempt to engage or start something. The fault here would fall entirely on the parents if they chose to make a scene.

Are you Jewish or Catholic?

Ex catholic who got close to converting to Judaism. I would never ever take communion. It’s completely taboo to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The simplest thing to do is to go up for communion just as everyone else does, and cross your arms over your chest to receive a blessing when the time comes. I am not watching every person who goes up to the altar during communion and assume most people aren't, you are either in line yourself or back at the pew with your head down and praying. Maybe if she is right behind you your mother might notice that you didn't take communion, but she might not. if she asks afterward say you will talk about it later, say that today is a day for grief, let's focus on that.

OP here.

Thank you for your kind reply. Somehow, despite being raised Catholic by my parents, they never taught me about crossing your arms over your chest. Instead, they always forced me to get communion no matter what.

Even as a young adult, we always went to Saturday evening services, so I don't recall seeing young kids there. And the holidays are always a zoo. So I just never ever saw anyone crossing their arms over their chest before.

I haven't been to a mass in a very long time.

I feel almost stunned to have this suggestion laid on me by others and not been known by me previously, but it's definitely the right one.

Well, at least you’ve answered the question that I put to you before – you have many times gotten communion in the past when you shouldn’t have. But this time you just don’t wanna do it because you wanna stick a fork in the eye of your parents at the toddlers funeral. You wanna make it about you. You’re not willing to compromise at all or do anything to make anybody else happy and you’re just thinking about yourself. It’s very sad.

Kindly STFU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

Does that mean she should be forced to take communion? Let’s stick to the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My jewish rabbi would say the point is to be a support to the parents of the deceased and one way you can be supportive is, in this case, to do things you wouldn't ordinarily, in order to keep the peace. God will understand that.

I’m pretty sure no Jewish rabbi would counsel that a Jew needs to take communion under any circumstances other than saving their lives. Coming from this as an ex Catholic with plenty of drama that extends to funerals, I think the best bet here is to just go up to the altar, get the blessing, and ignore/walk away if the parents attempt to engage or start something. The fault here would fall entirely on the parents if they chose to make a scene.

Are you Jewish or Catholic?

Ex catholic who got close to converting to Judaism. I would never ever take communion. It’s completely taboo to me.

Yea I knew you were biased from the start. Thanks for clarifying the obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

Does that mean she should be forced to take communion? Let’s stick to the subject.

It’s a small sacrifice given the loss her family is enduring. It’s a bit of unleavened bread. But if’s curious that suddenly it’s a big issue when OP says she hasn’t been practicing for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My jewish rabbi would say the point is to be a support to the parents of the deceased and one way you can be supportive is, in this case, to do things you wouldn't ordinarily, in order to keep the peace. God will understand that.

I’m pretty sure no Jewish rabbi would counsel that a Jew needs to take communion under any circumstances other than saving their lives. Coming from this as an ex Catholic with plenty of drama that extends to funerals, I think the best bet here is to just go up to the altar, get the blessing, and ignore/walk away if the parents attempt to engage or start something. The fault here would fall entirely on the parents if they chose to make a scene.

Are you Jewish or Catholic?

Ex catholic who got close to converting to Judaism. I would never ever take communion. It’s completely taboo to me.

Yea I knew you were biased from the start. Thanks for clarifying the obvious.

Huh? what bias? I would be shocked if any priest or rabbi affirmatively pressured OP to take communion. I think you are not getting that Catholic communion is the most important Catholic sacrament that is literally believed to be the body and blood of Christ. I can see a rabbi advising that OP could do it if she felt like she had no other choice but pushing her to do it? No. And a priest would not either.

At the end of the day the parents are at fault here. All OP is responsible for doing is being as discreet as possible and not saying anything, walking away if the parents start to say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

Does that mean she should be forced to take communion? Let’s stick to the subject.

It’s a small sacrifice given the loss her family is enduring. It’s a bit of unleavened bread. But if’s curious that suddenly it’s a big issue when OP says she hasn’t been practicing for years.

I guess you don’t understand what it is like to be someone who actually takes religion seriously. Catholic communion is not something you do to be polite, like using the right fork. It’s a big deal.

[Anonymous]

I can see why OP is worried her mom will make a big deal out of this. She and her mom seem quite similar with overreaction and making things about themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully you didn’t convert in support of the genocide.

I think the conversion is likely a childish rebellion to stick it to her family. If this was my sibling, about to use my kid’s funeral to pull an attention grabbing stunt, I would hire security to bar her from entering the church. Not today, the day of my child’s funeral to act out like this.

OP here. I owe you nothing about why I'm converting. You know nothing about my desire to. But spoiler alert, it has nothing to do with "sticking it to my family." What a weird take.

And you seem SO confident I'm going to get up on the altar and talk about myself that you'd probably bet on it.

Well, let me know when you do so I can make a counter bet. You are the odd one, friend..

NP. You are conducting yourself very oddly for someone who has a close relative with a dead toddler. It's almost enough for us to suspect trolling.

Does that mean she should be forced to take communion? Let’s stick to the subject.

It’s a small sacrifice given the loss her family is enduring. It’s a bit of unleavened bread. But if’s curious that suddenly it’s a big issue when OP says she hasn’t been practicing for years.

I guess you don’t understand what it is like to be someone who actually takes religion seriously. Catholic communion is not something you do to be polite, like using the right fork. It’s a big deal.

I’m pretty sure everyone would understand. Unless you think God is vengeful and petty.