Give me hope please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separated means married.

Brad and Angelina would like a word

[Anonymous]

Stop video and online dating. You need to meet people through friends or activities. Why so desperate to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girl, my first month on apps I went on dates with:

- a guy who thought he was the second coming of Jesus (yes, really)

- a guy who told me he likes to suck off men

- a guy who was literally shaking the entire time from the anxiety

And these were men I had messaged AND talked to on the phone, and seemed normal.

I did eventually meet a FANTASTIC, normal guy who I'm currently dating. He's hilarious and we have SO much fun together, very glad I stuck with OLD until I found him.

I found him by:

1. Making sure my profile paints a vivid picture of what life with me is like (most people's profiles SUCK).

2. Never reaching out to a man first.

3. Only responding to men who opened with a thoughtful message that showed they read my profile and understood who I was.

4. Kept my responses warm, but brief - I didn't want to set a precedent that we text non-stop. If they didn't respond with further questions about myself, I unmatched.

5. If we went more than 2-3 days of texting without him initiating a phone call or date, I unmatched.

To give you the numbers:

1. Around 5000-6000 men swiped right on me.

2. Of those men, I swiped right only on about 100 (only men who had a good profile, we had things in common with, and I was physically attracted to).

3. Of those 100, around 50 initiated contact.

4. Of those 50, only about 5 moved things along to an actual date.

5. Of those 5, my current guy was by far the best. He was the only one of out all the men I matched with to consistently ask me thoughtful questions about myself and engage with things I found interesting, both via the apps and on the phone.

He was also the only one who listened when I mentioned I am looking for a man who can set a date up in advance (not the "wyd tonite?" BS) and can plan something beyond dinner/drinks. He definitely delivered - he planned an incredible date (don't wanna give it away because people would definitely be able to ID me, but it was the best first date I've ever been on by FAR).

This has really been the first time where I've felt a man is actively pursuing and courting me, which is really incredible.

I guess to summarize it: First, make sure your profile really explains who you are as a person and what life with you is like. You want the right man to see it and go "I WANT HER!" Then don't waste your time on any men who are ambivalent about you, spend your time on the men are hot for you and put forth the effort for you.

But remember the number of men like that will be very small! It's definitely a numbers game!

Way too much f-ing work. Reading about your process was exhausting.

[Anonymous]

It is harder to find a good man once you get older - - but it is not impossible.

It will take more effort, time as well as patience on your part but when you find someone great it will all be so worth it.

You will likely have to sift through a lot of duds too until you connect w/someone suitable.

This is where it pays to be very very patient!

I wish you all the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, my first month on apps I went on dates with:

- a guy who thought he was the second coming of Jesus (yes, really)

- a guy who told me he likes to suck off men

- a guy who was literally shaking the entire time from the anxiety

And these were men I had messaged AND talked to on the phone, and seemed normal.

I did eventually meet a FANTASTIC, normal guy who I'm currently dating. He's hilarious and we have SO much fun together, very glad I stuck with OLD until I found him.

I found him by:

1. Making sure my profile paints a vivid picture of what life with me is like (most people's profiles SUCK).

2. Never reaching out to a man first.

3. Only responding to men who opened with a thoughtful message that showed they read my profile and understood who I was.

4. Kept my responses warm, but brief - I didn't want to set a precedent that we text non-stop. If they didn't respond with further questions about myself, I unmatched.

5. If we went more than 2-3 days of texting without him initiating a phone call or date, I unmatched.

To give you the numbers:

1. Around 5000-6000 men swiped right on me.

2. Of those men, I swiped right only on about 100 (only men who had a good profile, we had things in common with, and I was physically attracted to).

3. Of those 100, around 50 initiated contact.

4. Of those 50, only about 5 moved things along to an actual date.

5. Of those 5, my current guy was by far the best. He was the only one of out all the men I matched with to consistently ask me thoughtful questions about myself and engage with things I found interesting, both via the apps and on the phone.

He was also the only one who listened when I mentioned I am looking for a man who can set a date up in advance (not the "wyd tonite?" BS) and can plan something beyond dinner/drinks. He definitely delivered - he planned an incredible date (don't wanna give it away because people would definitely be able to ID me, but it was the best first date I've ever been on by FAR).

This has really been the first time where I've felt a man is actively pursuing and courting me, which is really incredible.

I guess to summarize it: First, make sure your profile really explains who you are as a person and what life with you is like. You want the right man to see it and go "I WANT HER!" Then don't waste your time on any men who are ambivalent about you, spend your time on the men are hot for you and put forth the effort for you.

But remember the number of men like that will be very small! It's definitely a numbers game!

Way too much f-ing work. Reading about your process was exhausting.

Unfortunately for many this is what one must do in order to find a suitable mate.

It is a good thing that the older we get, the less BS we put up with from people.

Most of us at this stage in our lives know what we are looking for and know what our dealbreakers are.

We are done wasting time investing w/people who are just no good for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, my first month on apps I went on dates with:

- a guy who thought he was the second coming of Jesus (yes, really)

- a guy who told me he likes to suck off men

- a guy who was literally shaking the entire time from the anxiety

And these were men I had messaged AND talked to on the phone, and seemed normal.

I did eventually meet a FANTASTIC, normal guy who I'm currently dating. He's hilarious and we have SO much fun together, very glad I stuck with OLD until I found him.

I found him by:

1. Making sure my profile paints a vivid picture of what life with me is like (most people's profiles SUCK).

2. Never reaching out to a man first.

3. Only responding to men who opened with a thoughtful message that showed they read my profile and understood who I was.

4. Kept my responses warm, but brief - I didn't want to set a precedent that we text non-stop. If they didn't respond with further questions about myself, I unmatched.

5. If we went more than 2-3 days of texting without him initiating a phone call or date, I unmatched.

To give you the numbers:

1. Around 5000-6000 men swiped right on me.

2. Of those men, I swiped right only on about 100 (only men who had a good profile, we had things in common with, and I was physically attracted to).

3. Of those 100, around 50 initiated contact.

4. Of those 50, only about 5 moved things along to an actual date.

5. Of those 5, my current guy was by far the best. He was the only one of out all the men I matched with to consistently ask me thoughtful questions about myself and engage with things I found interesting, both via the apps and on the phone.

He was also the only one who listened when I mentioned I am looking for a man who can set a date up in advance (not the "wyd tonite?" BS) and can plan something beyond dinner/drinks. He definitely delivered - he planned an incredible date (don't wanna give it away because people would definitely be able to ID me, but it was the best first date I've ever been on by FAR).

This has really been the first time where I've felt a man is actively pursuing and courting me, which is really incredible.

I guess to summarize it: First, make sure your profile really explains who you are as a person and what life with you is like. You want the right man to see it and go "I WANT HER!" Then don't waste your time on any men who are ambivalent about you, spend your time on the men are hot for you and put forth the effort for you.

But remember the number of men like that will be very small! It's definitely a numbers game!

Way too much f-ing work. Reading about your process was exhausting.

Ha! Well, to summarize it:

1. Have a really great profile that really showcases your personality and life (not just what you look like).

2. Only respond to men who put forth the effort to get to know you and like you as a person.

3. Drop them if they can’t do basic things like plan a date.

[Anonymous]

OP I say this as a divorced 50 yo woman who separated at 42- focus on yourself. The aps are toxic and will increase your frustration and over time will cause you to be rather disgusted by men (not the good guys fault, there are good men out there, I love men!) but the barrage of fruitless conversations and low availability or low desirability men means you only interact with the bad ones.

I would focus on becoming a solo parent if you’re sure you want to be a mother- your age group is really hard.

I’d join a pickleball league. Sign up for an art class. Volunteer with a cause you’re passionate about. Go to meetups! Join local hiking or running or yoga groups- whatever you’re actually interested in. Meet people with common interests. Develop an identity and passions outside of a partner. Take a few years! But don’t think a man is the plan as if you’re relying on OLD it’s hugely disappointing. I used it at first- years ago- but they’re a waste of time way best and downright damaging in my opinion. To both sexes.

Go become a full person not just a recently separated thirst trap and give yourself actual time to heal. If you want to be a parent be one and control it rather than feeling panicked to mate with anyone “okayish” as it’s a lifetime of hell having a shitty ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM standard advice when anyone has trouble in their marriage is "Divorce!" because there are a sea of men out there waiting to date you.

I disagree. It used to be that way. Now? It’s more “get out!” And then “be free”. I’m 50 and the vast majority of my large network of single friends don’t want to remarry.

In years past you men were our only hope. A woman needed a man financially. Now? We get out of marriages to get back into LIFE- not raise yet another man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM standard advice when anyone has trouble in their marriage is "Divorce!" because there are a sea of men out there waiting to date you.

I disagree. It used to be that way. Now? It’s more “get out!” And then “be free”. I’m 50 and the vast majority of my large network of single friends don’t want to remarry.

In years past you men were our only hope. A woman needed a man financially. Now? We get out of marriages to get back into LIFE- not raise yet another man.

You choose to raise men that over women already raised. It funny all these complaints about "man child". Those "man child" were raised by other women remember that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM standard advice when anyone has trouble in their marriage is "Divorce!" because there are a sea of men out there waiting to date you.

I disagree. It used to be that way. Now? It’s more “get out!” And then “be free”. I’m 50 and the vast majority of my large network of single friends don’t want to remarry.

In years past you men were our only hope. A woman needed a man financially. Now? We get out of marriages to get back into LIFE- not raise yet another man.

You choose to raise men that over women already raised. It funny all these complaints about "man child". Those "man child" were raised by other women remember that.

No, I choose not to raise another.

These 40-55 guys failed to launch for another woman, so she let them go. Why take on someone else’s failed project? No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Oh there's lots of nice guys out there, but we are in hiding. Soon we will be ready to rejoin humanity and endeavor to carry on a healthy loving relationship to the best of our abilities, but in the meantime we are still amidst some intense sessions of "debriefing."

[Anonymous]

NP here. I’m newly separated and have met with several men in person, it’s been quite an experience!

One of them was Indian, and his profile says that he has no children. When we met, he said that he has a son that lives with his ex-wife in India. When I asked why his profile says that he has no children, he said: “Because I have no children in the US, he is in India”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I’m newly separated and have met with several men in person, it’s been quite an experience!

One of them was Indian, and his profile says that he has no children. When we met, he said that he has a son that lives with his ex-wife in India. When I asked why his profile says that he has no children, he said: “Because I have no children in the US, he is in India”.

Haha, I may have met the same guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I’m newly separated and have met with several men in person, it’s been quite an experience!

One of them was Indian, and his profile says that he has no children. When we met, he said that he has a son that lives with his ex-wife in India. When I asked why his profile says that he has no children, he said: “Because I have no children in the US, he is in India”.

Haha, I may have met the same guy

This is unlikely. I’m seeing them in NC. It’s probably their culture.

I met with another Indian man who acted quite normal during our conversations on the app and for the first date asked me if I prefer to meet for coffee, drink, dinner, walk or a bike ride. Then we met and ended up spending about 8 hours together (in public places), after which he started acting like a teenager - repeatedly asked me out to “hang out”, then asked if I’m available to meet “tomorrow at 6” and when I asked what he wants us to do, he said: “Kiss and have some drinks and have a good time and maybe kiss some more”. Then I lectured him that he should put more efforts into his date invites, and he said that he will learn and that I’m cute and that makes him shy. I asked him if he increased his actual age by 25 years when he completed his dating profile (which says he is 41).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, my first month on apps I went on dates with:

- a guy who thought he was the second coming of Jesus (yes, really)

- a guy who told me he likes to suck off men

- a guy who was literally shaking the entire time from the anxiety

And these were men I had messaged AND talked to on the phone, and seemed normal.

I did eventually meet a FANTASTIC, normal guy who I'm currently dating. He's hilarious and we have SO much fun together, very glad I stuck with OLD until I found him.

I found him by:

1. Making sure my profile paints a vivid picture of what life with me is like (most people's profiles SUCK).

2. Never reaching out to a man first.

3. Only responding to men who opened with a thoughtful message that showed they read my profile and understood who I was.

4. Kept my responses warm, but brief - I didn't want to set a precedent that we text non-stop. If they didn't respond with further questions about myself, I unmatched.

5. If we went more than 2-3 days of texting without him initiating a phone call or date, I unmatched.

To give you the numbers:

1. Around 5000-6000 men swiped right on me.

2. Of those men, I swiped right only on about 100 (only men who had a good profile, we had things in common with, and I was physically attracted to).

3. Of those 100, around 50 initiated contact.

4. Of those 50, only about 5 moved things along to an actual date.

5. Of those 5, my current guy was by far the best. He was the only one of out all the men I matched with to consistently ask me thoughtful questions about myself and engage with things I found interesting, both via the apps and on the phone.

He was also the only one who listened when I mentioned I am looking for a man who can set a date up in advance (not the "wyd tonite?" BS) and can plan something beyond dinner/drinks. He definitely delivered - he planned an incredible date (don't wanna give it away because people would definitely be able to ID me, but it was the best first date I've ever been on by FAR).

This has really been the first time where I've felt a man is actively pursuing and courting me, which is really incredible.

I guess to summarize it: First, make sure your profile really explains who you are as a person and what life with you is like. You want the right man to see it and go "I WANT HER!" Then don't waste your time on any men who are ambivalent about you, spend your time on the men are hot for you and put forth the effort for you.

But remember the number of men like that will be very small! It's definitely a numbers game!

Way too much f-ing work. Reading about your process was exhausting.

Ha! Well, to summarize it:

1. Have a really great profile that really showcases your personality and life (not just what you look like).

2. Only respond to men who put forth the effort to get to know you and like you as a person.

3. Drop them if they can’t do basic things like plan a date.

NP. This was my experience 15 years ago too. I was 31, took 100 first dates, 10 second dates, 3 relationships—2 short and the third was DH.

Don’t think of it as work, have fun. I found most people to be nice, just not the right fit for me. If you cling to the outcome, there’s too much pressure. If you think of it as just getting to know people, it’s not so bad.

You do have to filter aggressively up front but it’s not that hard to weed out the losers.