Need outside perspective on a fight with DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read this as op and her husband both being stubborn asses who dug their heels in on an argument. Just because op is a women doesn’t give her some higher better voice on a misogynist song. You guys have toxicity and both should have dropped this. Shame on you both for bringing your kids into it.

But there was no argument as such. Op was just listening to a song and her husband started provoking her. How obnoxious.

+1. I think the people that are replying and seeing this from both sides haven't been involved in this type of interaction. The entire point of it is to poke at you and the for the poker to reframe it as an argument that you are being unreasonable about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has periods of getting really into the manosphere online, and it will lead to these kinds of arguments. It always kind of throws me because I’m just listening to music or chatting about my day, and I’m caught off guard that it leads to a fight.

I’m so sorry, PP. That’s a disaster in the making. My college age son texted the family group chat about something “funny” Andrew Tate had said online. He was surprised by the instant negative reaction DH and I had. We ended up having a series of good conversations about it, though I’m not sure it sunk in. These idiots are talented at getting their claws into vulnerable boys and men.

OPs story has nothing to do with the maosphere or Tate or men's rights anything. Why can't you just admit that the pink pony club is a song about being a stripper?

Why can’t you just admit you’re a literalist and probably on the spectrum.

Alternative interpretation of OPs story: Her DH was upset that his wife was playing that song about being a stripper in front of their children because he doesn't want his kids to think its ok. So he criticized it. She realized she was wrong and got defensive. Then she runs to dcum to get validation. As expected, certain dcum posters started blaming men in general.

I swear to God I really want to know what personality type it is that makes up totally alternate and unfounded versions of posts on DCUM so I can identify and stay away from them. The story is literally right in front of you and no one asked for your fanfic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read this as op and her husband both being stubborn asses who dug their heels in on an argument. Just because op is a women doesn’t give her some higher better voice on a misogynist song. You guys have toxicity and both should have dropped this. Shame on you both for bringing your kids into it.

But there was no argument as such. Op was just listening to a song and her husband started provoking her. How obnoxious.

+1. I think the people that are replying and seeing this from both sides haven't been involved in this type of interaction. The entire point of it is to poke at you and the for the poker to reframe it as an argument that you are being unreasonable about.

Oh for sure OP and dh have a messed up relationship. Still her story was exactly what I said.

Also, you just said that people seeing it from both sides are biased, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has periods of getting really into the manosphere online, and it will lead to these kinds of arguments. It always kind of throws me because I’m just listening to music or chatting about my day, and I’m caught off guard that it leads to a fight.

I’m so sorry, PP. That’s a disaster in the making. My college age son texted the family group chat about something “funny” Andrew Tate had said online. He was surprised by the instant negative reaction DH and I had. We ended up having a series of good conversations about it, though I’m not sure it sunk in. These idiots are talented at getting their claws into vulnerable boys and men.

OPs story has nothing to do with the maosphere or Tate or men's rights anything. Why can't you just admit that the pink pony club is a song about being a stripper?

Why can’t you just admit you’re a literalist and probably on the spectrum.

Alternative interpretation of OPs story: Her DH was upset that his wife was playing that song about being a stripper in front of their children because he doesn't want his kids to think its ok. So he criticized it. She realized she was wrong and got defensive. Then she runs to dcum to get validation. As expected, certain dcum posters started blaming men in general.

I swear to God I really want to know what personality type it is that makes up totally alternate and unfounded versions of posts on DCUM so I can identify and stay away from them. The story is literally right in front of you and no one asked for your fanfic.

I want to know a word for people who misread social situations because they only see their own neuroses in everything. We have a word when it's from lack of emotional awareness, but what about when a person's emotions are so loud in their own head that they can't see anything else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has periods of getting really into the manosphere online, and it will lead to these kinds of arguments. It always kind of throws me because I’m just listening to music or chatting about my day, and I’m caught off guard that it leads to a fight.

I’m so sorry, PP. That’s a disaster in the making. My college age son texted the family group chat about something “funny” Andrew Tate had said online. He was surprised by the instant negative reaction DH and I had. We ended up having a series of good conversations about it, though I’m not sure it sunk in. These idiots are talented at getting their claws into vulnerable boys and men.

OPs story has nothing to do with the maosphere or Tate or men's rights anything. Why can't you just admit that the pink pony club is a song about being a stripper?

Why can’t you just admit you’re a literalist and probably on the spectrum.

Alternative interpretation of OPs story: Her DH was upset that his wife was playing that song about being a stripper in front of their children because he doesn't want his kids to think its ok. So he criticized it. She realized she was wrong and got defensive. Then she runs to dcum to get validation. As expected, certain dcum posters started blaming men in general.

I swear to God I really want to know what personality type it is that makes up totally alternate and unfounded versions of posts on DCUM so I can identify and stay away from them. The story is literally right in front of you and no one asked for your fanfic.

Yup. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has periods of getting really into the manosphere online, and it will lead to these kinds of arguments. It always kind of throws me because I’m just listening to music or chatting about my day, and I’m caught off guard that it leads to a fight.

I’m so sorry, PP. That’s a disaster in the making. My college age son texted the family group chat about something “funny” Andrew Tate had said online. He was surprised by the instant negative reaction DH and I had. We ended up having a series of good conversations about it, though I’m not sure it sunk in. These idiots are talented at getting their claws into vulnerable boys and men.

OPs story has nothing to do with the maosphere or Tate or men's rights anything. Why can't you just admit that the pink pony club is a song about being a stripper?

Why can’t you just admit you’re a literalist and probably on the spectrum.

Alternative interpretation of OPs story: Her DH was upset that his wife was playing that song about being a stripper in front of their children because he doesn't want his kids to think its ok. So he criticized it. She realized she was wrong and got defensive. Then she runs to dcum to get validation. As expected, certain dcum posters started blaming men in general.

I swear to God I really want to know what personality type it is that makes up totally alternate and unfounded versions of posts on DCUM so I can identify and stay away from them. The story is literally right in front of you and no one asked for your fanfic.

Yup. Sigh.

You've found your echo chamber, congrats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has periods of getting really into the manosphere online, and it will lead to these kinds of arguments. It always kind of throws me because I’m just listening to music or chatting about my day, and I’m caught off guard that it leads to a fight.

I’m so sorry, PP. That’s a disaster in the making. My college age son texted the family group chat about something “funny” Andrew Tate had said online. He was surprised by the instant negative reaction DH and I had. We ended up having a series of good conversations about it, though I’m not sure it sunk in. These idiots are talented at getting their claws into vulnerable boys and men.

He tried to connect with you and you instantly shot him down. Well done mommy 🙄

[Anonymous]

I thought pink pony club was a reference to/inspired by a gay bar/queer/drag brunch kind of a scene/place.

[Anonymous]

OP here. In retrospect, a PP hit on a fundamental communication problem between Dh and me. He has said before that he just wants to engage in an intellectual debate with me, but instead, I take things personally, feel attacked, and just get my feelings hurt instead. I do think he probably wishes he married someone who he could verbally spar and debate with, where both parties are trying their best to "win". Anger, insults, rude comments - all fair game.

I take this with a giant grain of salt though, because the very second I disagree with him on something, HE is the one who gets very defensive. He wants me to be supportive of him 100% and takes any disagreement as an attack on him. So I think in this case, he probably wanted me to say something like, oh hmmm, yeah I never thought about that way, maybe you're right, tell me more about why you think that way?

But I was irked because here I was just enjoying a song. And in my view, not only did he crap on me for it, he also judged me for it and tried to make me feel ashamed or less than evolved for liking it. It didn't even matter what the song was about. I felt judged, and I felt I didn't want to be boxed in or told what I should and shouldn't like.

I didn't come here for validation. I came here because I knew this argument was stupid and we fell into old patterns and I'd rather not do that anymore. If I was in the wrong, I'm willing to apologize and take accountability. If there is feedback I can give him, I'd like to be able to talk about that with him, instead of do what we normally do - just pretend it didn't happen and move on, so that it can just pop up again next time.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just read your update. My husband is like that too. Honestly, once it reaches a level that it gets personally, I politely say “I am no longer engaging on this topic for the sake of our relationship, we have two different viewpoints and that is ok.” I then must follow through to not engage…. Even if he continues to try. My husband turns even the smallest of things into an argument just for a personal gain. I get it, it’s hard.

[Anonymous]

You both sound terrible and should not fight in front of your kids. Also, letting your DC chime in and have an opinion is horrendous. Shame on you and your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought pink pony club was a reference to/inspired by a gay bar/queer/drag brunch kind of a scene/place.

This is the correct take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just read your update. My husband is like that too. Honestly, once it reaches a level that it gets personally, I politely say “I am no longer engaging on this topic for the sake of our relationship, we have two different viewpoints and that is ok.” I then must follow through to not engage…. Even if he continues to try. My husband turns even the smallest of things into an argument just for a personal gain. I get it, it’s hard.

Is that what you would have said in response to his comment about the song? I think ultimately, you are right. But the problem is then I would stew over it after for not having said anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need an outside perspective for a stupid fight I had with DH.

I was playing a song, and DH made a comment about it to basically crap on it. Something to the effect of how "you women" are so confused, that "you claim to not want to be objectified" but then "you like songs that are totally about objectifying women". It led to a disagreement - I disagreed that the song was objectifying - my interpretation was that it was about freedom to be who you wanted to be. He had a completely different take, and said it was about wanting to work as a stripper. I did not agree. He also said he was surprised my relative, who claims to be a "christian" likes the song also.

It led to a heated argument. He went on one of his rants as I call it - he says it is a logical argument. He says he only says this because he deeply sympathizes with the absolute tragedy of women's utter confusion with these toxic messages that they are bombarded with. I said, "thanks for your sympathies - but really, I'M GOOD.". It led to some other B.S. arguments where he was just really trying to prove his point, and start talking circles around me with all of these "logical arguments".

The kids were listening and apparently getting tired of hearing it. My son looked up the meaning of the song and it basically lined up with my interpretation. But DH kept digging deeper to prove me wrong. I said, maybe you should apologize for making judgments about me. He said he wasn't judging me, he was referring to ALL women. Kept rambling on. Eventually acknowledged that I simply had a different interpretation of the song. I said, instead of attacking me with your litany of words, it would just be so much simpler if you just said "I'm sorry". He says "I'm sorry you have the complete wrong idea about what I'm trying to say--You always do this to me, you completely misinterpret my intention and it's really hurtful and offensive that you think so little of me." He started getting really upset.
I said "and you always turn everything around to make yourself the victim". On and on.

So honest opinions welcome. If I was in the wrong, I want to know. If I need to apologize, I will.

Pink Pony Club is a great song!

And Chappel is super-gay, which probably doesn’t align with what OP’s husband thinks

Stripping, regardless of the sexual orientations, is about objectification and commoditization.

The author of the song escaped one hellhole for a different hellhole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought pink pony club was a reference to/inspired by a gay bar/queer/drag brunch kind of a scene/place.

Me too! I always picture it as a drag brunch and the dancer is so happy to be there. So I guess OP's husband has to say that 99% of women AND men AND everything in between is confused! That clocks.