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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Workplace affairs are stupid.  Don't hand him over even if you're headed for divorce.

I would ask him to let you meet her to prove there's nothing going on.  Or ask him to meet you for lunch one a week.  Mess with their routine.  She will notice.[/quote]

My xH had an EA, and this is terrible advice. All he will do is paint the wife as crazy, controlling, and insecure, then use that to justify his actions. "See, I told you she was insane! Not like you, *YOU* understand me, you are so special!"

Honestly the best thing for OP to do is completely disengage from the marriage. Get in shape, upgrade her hair and wardrobe, start getting attention from men. Focus 100% on herself. Either he freaks out and stops the EA, or she gets some self-esteem, realizes she deserves better, and leaves (what I did).[/quote]

If you are the host of a lunch between your wife and your lied about AP,  whatever you say about "who is crazy" is questionable.

Personally I'd do a vibe check.  A lot of the mate stealing AP women are flaky and insecure types.  Seeing them in person might allow one to assess exactly what type of person is on the other side of the rope.

When your kids do bad things, do you just do the 180?  Or do you let them know you're aware that they are up to stuff.

People who are left to their own devices get that delicious feeling of a successfully hidden secret.  I don't think it's too controlling to thwart that.

If DH and AP want to live in a world where the wife is the crazy one for checking in, then things are in a very bad way anyway.

[/quote]

It doesn’t work that way. When I was 22, I worked in a restaurant where the 50 year old manager was having an affair with a 25 year old waitress. The wife came in ALL the time and would sit in the waitresses’s section. All it did was make the wife look crazy.

The best thing to do is just leave. [b]Don’t do the pick me dance, don’t try to play it cool, don’t try to shut it down[/b]. They broke the marriage vows, so leave. [/quote]
Yup. If you need time to get your ducks in a row, take it, but do not stay indefinitely. Life is too short, none of us are getting out alive. No need to be miserable. [/quote]

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