Concerning? BIL and SIL publicly crying at a gathering the weekend before their only child leaves for college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

Sorry, I'm an introvert and I think it's the overtly emotional who are rude and weird. I don't want to see that.

Being "overtly emotional" isn't the opposite of being an introvert. Even introverts can display emotion. I think you sre confusing introvert with some other trait....

Look, I was a rock until right before my kid left this weekend.

I have a great 30 year marriage..we were together/married for 18 years before we had a child.

But our kid..wow. we love them so much. And it has been MUCH harder than expected. We figured it would feel like before they came. Boy, were we wrong.

So now...this robot of a human is crying quietly on a plane with strangers around. .

If it had been my family and friends who I feel safe with...yeah...I probably would have cried not so quietly

But you haven't yet. And probably never will. Crying quietly a plane is OK. Inviting people over to see you cry is not.

I disagree. Surrounding yourself with community seems healthy at a big transition.

Agree. Crying at a gathering of friends and family is perfectly normal. Especially when it involves your only child.

OP, you don’t know their inner pain and struggles. Maybe their kid had severe adhd and they doubted he/she would ever graduate, let alone go to college. Maybe their kid was relentlessly bullied and they are now overwhelmed by feelings of joy and relief. Maybe their kid has severe medical issues and they are worried about the kid taking their meds everyday. There are many reasons why parents would be overly emotional about their kid leaving home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some posters aren't understanding that there is a huge gulf between shedding a tear in the car after drop-off; and purposefully inviting a gathering to reminisce about your kid, and sobbing in front of everyone.

The former happens to a lot of parents. The latter? I've never seen or heard about this. That's NOT normal. Stop pretending it is.

This.
Plus this isn’t a funeral 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

Sorry, I'm an introvert and I think it's the overtly emotional who are rude and weird. I don't want to see that.

Being "overtly emotional" isn't the opposite of being an introvert. Even introverts can display emotion. I think you sre confusing introvert with some other trait....

Look, I was a rock until right before my kid left this weekend.

I have a great 30 year marriage..we were together/married for 18 years before we had a child.

But our kid..wow. we love them so much. And it has been MUCH harder than expected. We figured it would feel like before they came. Boy, were we wrong.

So now...this robot of a human is crying quietly on a plane with strangers around. .

If it had been my family and friends who I feel safe with...yeah...I probably would have cried not so quietly

But you haven't yet. And probably never will. Crying quietly a plane is OK. Inviting people over to see you cry is not.

I disagree. Surrounding yourself with community seems healthy at a big transition.

Agree. Crying at a gathering of friends and family is perfectly normal. Especially when it involves your only child.

OP, you don’t know their inner pain and struggles. Maybe their kid had severe adhd and they doubted he/she would ever graduate, let alone go to college. Maybe their kid was relentlessly bullied and they are now overwhelmed by feelings of joy and relief. Maybe their kid has severe medical issues and they are worried about the kid taking their meds everyday. There are many reasons why parents would be overly emotional about their kid leaving home.

No, it's not normal. I've never seen that, and I've been to a graduations and goodbye dinners and lots of events surrounding transitions.

As PP said, this isn't a funeral.

And to your last paragraph, PP, I have a child who really struggled, and who went off to college. His many, many struggles could not be hidden. OP is the aunt. If the kid had serious issues, she'd know about it, especially at a event where the parents felt comfortable retracing the life of their kid and crying in front of everyone. They're not shy about sharing, these folks.

So no, none of this is normal.

[Anonymous]

Trying to guilt kid into going to NVCC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a judgy jerk you are OP.

Come on. This isn't normal. Have you ever seen a parent cry at a gathering like this? Most of us cry discreetly after dropping off our kid, and no one is the wiser...

I'm not the person you quoted, but I've been to high school graduation parties, but I've never been to a party like the OP describes. I teared up as I was saying goodbye to my son, and again as we were driving off after our goodbyes. But who knows, at a send-off gathering where people are sharing stories? Maybe I would cry. I don't think it's unusual to feel overwhelmingly emotional in this scenario. OP said her SIL is usually very composed. It's not like she has a problem with being overly emotional in general. It's not like OP said her SIL threw herself down on the ground and started weeping uncontrollably. This is probably a bittersweet life change for them.

OP, I don't see any reason to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

To be entirely truthful:

The whole situation is weird.

They invite family over to sing their kid's praises. Again. They did that already at the graduation party. They want more family worship? That's a little too navel-gazing.

And then they work themselves up to the point where the mother cries multiple times? OK, maybe she's in perimenopause (aren't we all?), and depressed, because her life revolves around this one kid. But it makes the relatives very uncomfortable. Just because they're family, she doesn't get to dump her emotions on them.

OP, my takeway is that they've lived their life wrapped up in their child to an exceedingly unhealthy degree, and you're only now seeing the full extent of their obsession. I'm a total mother hen, but I'm not pathologically obsessed...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

Sorry, I'm an introvert and I think it's the overtly emotional who are rude and weird. I don't want to see that.

I’m introvert. I don’t think it has anything to do with that. I’m not a public crier and I don’t think parents should make kids leaving all about their emotions.

And even with that, OP’s description is in the realm of normal. If they are sobbing two months from now, it’s something to consider.

[Anonymous]

S few dozen friends 😯 wow that's a lot of people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a judgy jerk you are OP.

Come on. This isn't normal. Have you ever seen a parent cry at a gathering like this? Most of us cry discreetly after dropping off our kid, and no one is the wiser...

I'm not the person you quoted, but I've been to high school graduation parties, but I've never been to a party like the OP describes. I teared up as I was saying goodbye to my son, and again as we were driving off after our goodbyes. But who knows, at a send-off gathering where people are sharing stories? Maybe I would cry. I don't think it's unusual to feel overwhelmingly emotional in this scenario. OP said her SIL is usually very composed. It's not like she has a problem with being overly emotional in general. It's not like OP said her SIL threw herself down on the ground and started weeping uncontrollably. This is probably a bittersweet life change for them.

OP, I don't see any reason to be concerned.

No reason to be concerned. It's just that SIL and BIL have been revealed to not be quite sane when it comes to their only child. There's nothing OP can do about that. Imagine what it's going to be like when she wants to get married! OP, brace yourself. The wedding venue will be swimming in tears. The speeches will last hours and so will the slide presentation. And of course the grandchildren will fart rainbows

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a judgy jerk you are OP.

Come on. This isn't normal. Have you ever seen a parent cry at a gathering like this? Most of us cry discreetly after dropping off our kid, and no one is the wiser...

My parents teared up a little in my dorm and confided to me later that they sobbed on the drive home. But crying at a party seemed a little concerning is all. And especially the way my SIL described my niece, it sounded like a co-dependency. Even my BIL confided to my husband his daughter has been his everything and he was struggling to imagine the house without her. Suddenly they're going to be a 5 hour plane ride from her and the house will be eerie and quiet. Made us worried is all and wondering if this was normal.

Interesting that the child chose to go to college a 5 hour flight away from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece is leaving for college later this week, so BIL and SIL threw a spontaneous casual gathering with a few dozen friends and family to sort of say goodbye and share stories. This was not a high school graduation party, that was in June.

Multiple times during the gathering my normally super composed SIL began crying, which led to some of her friends and family members crying too and consoling her. Even my BIL was tearing up.

Our kids are still a few years from college. I'm 100% sure I'll cry when that happens, but I've never seen such a reaction publicly, days before a kid actually leaves at that. It honestly also made me and my husband a little concerned for their marriage as new empty nesters.

SFTU
This has to be a troll post or you are utterly without feelings. Maybe you don't care about your kids? Or have none?

If this is a real post, well BIL and SIL are totally NORMAL, loving parents. Good grief. Can you find something else to complain about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:S few dozen friends 😯 wow that's a lot of people!

Handful of nearby friends of the parents, handful of parent friends from niece's high school, their kids who are niece's bests friends, close neighbors, and some local family members. Yeah, I'd guess there were 24 to 36 people there. Very loose casual gathering, just cocktails and poolside barbecue. Not some swank catered party that lasted until midnight or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:S few dozen friends 😯 wow that's a lot of people!

Handful of nearby friends of the parents, handful of parent friends from niece's high school, their kids who are niece's bests friends, close neighbors, and some local family members. Yeah, I'd guess there were 24 to 36 people there. Very loose casual gathering, just cocktails and poolside barbecue. Not some swank catered party that lasted until midnight or anything.

So she cried in front of all of those non-relatives and neighbors???

Oh no. Totally not normal. Major cringe. And crying isn't the only problem here. The other problem is inviting all these people over for a second celebration of her daughter, when she had already had the graduation party. I thought the going-away party was just close relatives. That would have made it more understandable.

These people are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a judgy jerk you are OP.

Come on. This isn't normal. Have you ever seen a parent cry at a gathering like this? Most of us cry discreetly after dropping off our kid, and no one is the wiser...

My parents teared up a little in my dorm and confided to me later that they sobbed on the drive home. But crying at a party seemed a little concerning is all. And especially the way my SIL described my niece, it sounded like a co-dependency. Even my BIL confided to my husband his daughter has been his everything and he was struggling to imagine the house without her. Suddenly they're going to be a 5 hour plane ride from her and the house will be eerie and quiet. Made us worried is all and wondering if this was normal.

Interesting that the child chose to go to college a 5 hour flight away from home.

If you're insinuating it has anything to do with the parents, my niece and her mom seem like genuine inseparable besties. From what we gathered, she just always had her heart on going out West for college. I don't think she's really given any thought to the distance. I'm really not even sure kids at her age raised on iPhones truly grasp distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some posters aren't understanding that there is a huge gulf between shedding a tear in the car after drop-off; and purposefully inviting a gathering to reminisce about your kid, and sobbing in front of everyone.

The former happens to a lot of parents. The latter? I've never seen or heard about this. That's NOT normal. Stop pretending it is.

The daughter was present. It sounded like it was more like a send off. Plus, the mom may be having perimenopause emotions that are contributing.