Concerning? BIL and SIL publicly crying at a gathering the weekend before their only child leaves for college

[Anonymous]

Some posters aren't understanding that there is a huge gulf between shedding a tear in the car after drop-off; and purposefully inviting a gathering to reminisce about your kid, and sobbing in front of everyone.

The former happens to a lot of parents. The latter? I've never seen or heard about this. That's NOT normal. Stop pretending it is.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like they felt the need to put their emotions on display, almost as if they're proud of it. To me it feels inappropriately performative. It's very different from private grief. We all privately grieve when our kids leave the nest. This is something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

+1

[Anonymous]

Some people cry a lot, some don’t. It’s much healthier than holding it in and shoving it down inside.

[Anonymous]

Cruelly, empty nest often coincides with the emotions of menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

Sorry, I'm an introvert and I think it's the overtly emotional who are rude and weird. I don't want to see that.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Some posters aren't understanding that there is a huge gulf between shedding a tear in the car after drop-off; and purposefully inviting a gathering to reminisce about your kid, and sobbing in front of everyone.

The former happens to a lot of parents. The latter? I've never seen or heard about this. That's NOT normal. Stop pretending it is.
[/quote]

+1. But I'd expect nothing less from Gen x parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

Sorry, I'm an introvert and I think it's the overtly emotional who are rude and weird. I don't want to see that.

Being "overtly emotional" isn't the opposite of being an introvert. Even introverts can display emotion. I think you sre confusing introvert with some other trait....

Look, I was a rock until right before my kid left this weekend.

I have a great 30 year marriage..we were together/married for 18 years before we had a child.

But our kid..wow. we love them so much. And it has been MUCH harder than expected. We figured it would feel like before they came. Boy, were we wrong.

So now...this robot of a human is crying quietly on a plane with strangers around. .

If it had been my family and friends who I feel safe with...yeah...I probably would have cried not so quietly

[Anonymous]

Where is the kid going?

[Anonymous]

Is there any data that suggests an uptick in divorces when the last or only child leaves for college? I could see it mirroring Covid, when couples were forced to spend all day together and it led to a deluge of divorces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

Sorry, I'm an introvert and I think it's the overtly emotional who are rude and weird. I don't want to see that.

Being "overtly emotional" isn't the opposite of being an introvert. Even introverts can display emotion. I think you sre confusing introvert with some other trait....

Look, I was a rock until right before my kid left this weekend.

I have a great 30 year marriage..we were together/married for 18 years before we had a child.

But our kid..wow. we love them so much. And it has been MUCH harder than expected. We figured it would feel like before they came. Boy, were we wrong.

So now...this robot of a human is crying quietly on a plane with strangers around. .

If it had been my family and friends who I feel safe with...yeah...I probably would have cried not so quietly

But you haven't yet. And probably never will. Crying quietly a plane is OK. Inviting people over to see you cry is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

Sorry, I'm an introvert and I think it's the overtly emotional who are rude and weird. I don't want to see that.

Being "overtly emotional" isn't the opposite of being an introvert. Even introverts can display emotion. I think you sre confusing introvert with some other trait....

Look, I was a rock until right before my kid left this weekend.

I have a great 30 year marriage..we were together/married for 18 years before we had a child.

But our kid..wow. we love them so much. And it has been MUCH harder than expected. We figured it would feel like before they came. Boy, were we wrong.

So now...this robot of a human is crying quietly on a plane with strangers around. .

If it had been my family and friends who I feel safe with...yeah...I probably would have cried not so quietly

But you haven't yet. And probably never will. Crying quietly a plane is OK. Inviting people over to see you cry is not.

I don't think the normally super composed SIL invited people over intending to cry. It's an emotional time and being with people you love can sometimes bring on unexpected tears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a judgy jerk you are OP.

100%.

I have seen parents cry at a gathering like this. And some don’t. A wide range of normal.

But “crying as the reality of college hits” doesn’t equal “headed for divorce.” That’s quite a stretch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very introverted and this would make me cringe. But to each their own, I guess. My circle has all sent at least one kid to college, and no one cried during a party. They sniff a bit in the car while returning home after dropping off their kid. But if they had a graduation party AND a goodbye party, maybe they're the type to emote in public.

Yes, it made me and my husband a little uncomfortable. We totally empathize with them but it was a bit awkward.

OP, you need to figure out why parents expressing love for their kid and showing emotion makes you feel “awkward.”

MYOB. You sound like an a**.

Sorry, I'm an introvert and I think it's the overtly emotional who are rude and weird. I don't want to see that.

Being "overtly emotional" isn't the opposite of being an introvert. Even introverts can display emotion. I think you sre confusing introvert with some other trait....

Look, I was a rock until right before my kid left this weekend.

I have a great 30 year marriage..we were together/married for 18 years before we had a child.

But our kid..wow. we love them so much. And it has been MUCH harder than expected. We figured it would feel like before they came. Boy, were we wrong.

So now...this robot of a human is crying quietly on a plane with strangers around. .

If it had been my family and friends who I feel safe with...yeah...I probably would have cried not so quietly

But you haven't yet. And probably never will. Crying quietly a plane is OK. Inviting people over to see you cry is not.

I disagree. Surrounding yourself with community seems healthy at a big transition.