Concerning? BIL and SIL publicly crying at a gathering the weekend before their only child leaves for college

[Anonymous]

I was much more emotional in the run-up to my oldest heading off to school than I was after drop-off. It was a combination of nerves and nostalgia. Once I saw him in his new environment, both my DH and I felt great and mostly happy.

It's a big life transition for all involved OP - you're either being mean or obtuse to post here about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean the child is going off to college. She will be in touch and will be home a ton, let's face it (breaks, vacations, summers, etc). Making a graduation party into a celebration of life format in the first place sounds a little over the top.

Also, starting crying publicly in June means this going to be one hell of a summer. The poor kid. Hope she got out of there in one piece.

June? The OP is from mid August. Kid is leaving a few days after the party.

And even if they are back, it isn't the same. They don't live at home -- they are based somewhere else. They aren't in your orbit 7 days a week.

It is the way it is supposed to be but I do find it sad and I'm a year out from it.

I am a year out too. It's sad, but it's just the next chapter. Watching them move to the next stage successfully makes me proud. College has always been part of the plan, so it's not like some big emotional event for me. I have had so many years to process and move from one stage to the next as they continue to gain independence. In any event, I will not be gathering friends and family and having some celebration of life type event with stories and tears. Everyone in my orbit goes to college/grad school and this would come off as bizarre.

[Anonymous]

It has been interesting that I am not a very emotional person and neither is a good friend whose son is also going to college. When we go out as a group of women and used to go watch a movie we were the only ones not crying. I’ve never cried at a wedding or a graduation.

However, I have been weepy all summer and so is the friend whose son is also going off to college and it just seems like it is so finite and our family won’t be the same.

DH and I love spending time alone but we also love spending time with our kids. Just thinking about how much we have enjoyed dinner conversations in the past few years as our two kids have entered high school and have different political options and views on issues or school drama and we won’t have those anymore. Or family game nights when we can convince our kids to play a card it board game with us. Or just hanging out and talking while walking the dog or doing errands. I just really enjoy the people are kids are becoming.

It just hit me this summer it’s the end of an era our kid going to college and the next one in a couple of years. Just thinking about getting older and how many years we have left on earth. Something I’ve never really thought about in the thick of working full time and raising kids.

[Anonymous]

Too many Gen X parents treat their kids like their “besties” and college matriculation like a funeral. It is not the end of the world. Sobbing at a barbecue is ridiculous.

Since pretty much everyone motivated or not goes to college, more kids than ever are dropping out or failing out. Quite often, those who attend a college far away from home transfer to a college closer to home after a year or two. And even those who successfully earn a degree, it seems the majority of Gen Z kids are boomeranging back home after college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a judgy jerk you are OP.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it's not the norm, but it was their reaction. What's there to post about?

This.

I’m more concerned that OP sees value in judging other people’s feelings, even when those feelings have no impact on OP.

Seems somewhere on the spectrum between unhealthy and unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some posters aren't understanding that there is a huge gulf between shedding a tear in the car after drop-off; and purposefully inviting a gathering to reminisce about your kid, and sobbing in front of everyone.

The former happens to a lot of parents. The latter? I've never seen or heard about this. That's NOT normal. Stop pretending it is.

Translation: The correct emotional is what I say it is. Not one tear more or less.

It’s important to remember in threads like this that many who post here are not the most social. I also find that many many post here to dump out their own feelings (OP, discomfort), but really allowance to other’s emotions (parents, bittersweet)

[Anonymous]

As “Not A Crier”, the older I get, things make me tear up that throw me for a curve ball. For example, my boss has four kids, two in HS and two already through college/off in different cities doing normal mid 20s stuff. They were all home last week for something and he was telling us how his wife made a smorgasbord for dinner of everyone’s favorite dish - garlic bread for the oldest kid, strawberry shortcake for kid 2, tater tots for 3, meat loaf for 4; whatever. Totally random meal but thoughtful! I started to actually cry in his office thinking about how they have this big lovely family and how it is rare that they get together now and that it would be my life someday with me and my kids as well. My point is, people get emotional differently and it is weird to judge that.

[Anonymous]

The teen kid was at the party right? Sounds mortifying to have your parents start bawling at some casual gathering. Almost feels emotionally manipulative too.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are you going to do out of your concern for your BIL and SIL's marriage--post here? Or do you have something concrete in mind?

You're not coming off well at this point. Hopefully you can turn it around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They got emotional when people were telling stories about their only child. Its a big transition. Just wait until you are there. Everyone reacts differently, but this seems like one of the normal responses.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what are you going to do out of your concern for your BIL and SIL's marriage--post here? Or do you have something concrete in mind?

You're not coming off well at this point. Hopefully you can turn it around.

She could probably try to get a 24-hour psych hold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too many Gen X parents treat their kids like their “besties” and college matriculation like a funeral. It is not the end of the world. Sobbing at a barbecue is ridiculous.

Since pretty much everyone motivated or not goes to college, more kids than ever are dropping out or failing out. Quite often, those who attend a college far away from home transfer to a college closer to home after a year or two. And even those who successfully earn a degree, it seems the majority of Gen Z kids are boomeranging back home after college.

I agree- I saw someone say "I was honored to be in their presence the last 18 years." Wtf? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

It’s different when it’s a daughter. Girls, especially naive freshman teen girls, are coerced into binge drinking and sexually assaulted all the time. It’s terrifying as a parent.

[Anonymous]

How embarrassing.