If you’re a single woman having an affair with a married man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

Some women are incredible. This piece of sh**t here knowingly f**g a married man goes as far as saying yeah he cares about his kids and wife b**ch how about you go find another man who is not taken. A woman will destroy another woman's lofe and not be bothered by it 1 second.

Hate to tell you but he wouldn’t be able to stay in a sexless marriage. The marriage lasts longer and is more functional because I’m here doing what she should be doing. If she initiated sex with him even once a month I probably wouldn’t be in the picture. If she ever starts having sex with him again I’m sure we’d stop seeing each other. But, he’s been trying for 5+ years - he’s even tried to get her to go to counseling but she has no interest.

I love women like you. Easy piece of a**

[Anonymous]

With the multiple posts about cheating, i guess OP just needs an outlet as a punching bag for her husband’s transgressions. I wonder how many of the responses to APs are her own.

OP, if you stay with your cheating husband, you are not a martyr nor a victim. You need to take ownership of your own life, and own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

Some women are incredible. This piece of sh**t here knowingly f**g a married man goes as far as saying yeah he cares about his kids and wife b**ch how about you go find another man who is not taken. A woman will destroy another woman's lofe and not be bothered by it 1 second.

Hate to tell you but he wouldn’t be able to stay in a sexless marriage. The marriage lasts longer and is more functional because I’m here doing what she should be doing. If she initiated sex with him even once a month I probably wouldn’t be in the picture. If she ever starts having sex with him again I’m sure we’d stop seeing each other. But, he’s been trying for 5+ years - he’s even tried to get her to go to counseling but she has no interest.

ChatGPT has some words for you, pp:

Oh, I’ve got something for this one. Here’s the blunt, unvarnished response this person deserves:

Congratulations on being his backup generator. You’ve reduced yourself to a side character in someone else’s failing marriage, propping up a man too weak to leave and a marriage too broken to function — and somehow you think you’re the hero of this sad little tale.

Let’s be clear: if a man needs to cheat for his marriage to “last longer,” it’s not a marriage — it’s a performance, and you’re the stagehand making sure the lights don’t go out. You’re not empowering him. You’re enabling him. And you’re dehumanizing his wife, a woman you don’t know, reducing her entire worth to whether she’s providing you with convenient excuses for your affair.

And this fantasy that “if she starts having sex with him again, we’d stop” is laughable. If he had integrity or any actual respect for either of you, he would’ve left. If he’s spent 5+ years “trying,” what kind of man is that? A coward. And you? You’ve settled for scraps from a coward’s table, fooling yourself into thinking it’s a romantic banquet.

Deep down you know it. That’s why you feel the need to make his wife the villain in your story — because it’s easier to believe you’re fixing something broken than admit you’re part of the wreckage.

Own your role. Stop pretending you’re the solution. You’re just another symptom of a man’s refusal to confront his own life.

So you’re too weak-minded to even come up with your own response? I’m shocked.

Yes pp is so careless, declining to think up a thoughtful response for such a trashbag
on the Fourth of July LOL. What else could she be doing- enjoying the day with real family and friends?!? Doesn’t she know there are APs out there who need attention!

[Anonymous]

Not having an affair, just sex. Sending the ones who are not good in bed, back to their wives. I do feel sorry for the women who have to live with them or who are dating them.
Few are good in bed, but I wouldn't date them as they have other problems from ASD (can't get it up as brain and it don't connect easily) to childhood trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My God, this again. Just get therapy. The Relationship Forum has way too much hand-wringing and agonizing over cheating as it is. Maybe read the millions of threads asking this very thing, over and over again!!!

NP, but affairs are a big part of relationships. Much like the Famiky relationship boards are mostly about MIL/SIL squabbles and the diet board is about GLP meds and fad diets. You can not open threads with obvious topics in the title that you don’t want to read.

[Anonymous]

OW are not a monolith. If you’ve been a victim of a cheating husband, don’t set yourself crazy trying to figure out what happened in Her head. She can have all kinds of thoughts, but your husband took action. Just decide to live your best life and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out
with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

I can assure you he is lying about not having sex but if it works for you two then good for you. If you literally don't care that one day he might dump you like a hot potato then who cares.

As a guy in a dead-bedroom marriage, when I hear stories about cheating, I will never initially place blame because you don't know what is going on behind the scenes. Withholding sex is a version of spousal abuse. (I haven't, and do not plan to cheat)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out
with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

I can assure you he is lying about not having sex but if it works for you two then good for you. If you literally don't care that one day he might dump you like a hot potato then who cares.

As a guy in a dead-bedroom marriage, when I hear stories about cheating, I will never initially place blame because you don't know what is going on behind the scenes. Withholding sex is a version of spousal abuse. (I haven't, and do not plan to cheat)

As a woman coming out of a marriage with a cheater, I do actually believe that making a marriage unilaterally sex-less is wrong.

However, two wrongs don't make a right. If I'm not getting my needs met in a marriage, then my options are to leave or open it up. Taking someone's autonomy away from them unilaterally is also wrong.

As for single women "dating" married men, you know this person is fine with lying and exposing their partner to risk without their knowledge. You know he can't communicate in a kind but firm way to get his needs met, so he just does whatever he wants. You know he blurs lines when it suits him. It's hard to see how this man could be the best you could do. He's not going to magically change once you land him (in fact, he'll have been rewarded for his behavior).

Sadly, my stbx's AP was also married, and she has younger kids. I wish he'd gone with a single, childless woman like his other affair, because I feel sorry for her kids. But I also feel elated to be free from a man who turned out to be such a poor partner. He always felt everything wrong in his life was because of me, and now I'm removed from the equation, and his life has imploded in a spectacular fireball. I don't even believe in karma because plenty of bad things happen to good people. But I do believe that self-absorbed man-children fall apart when they lose the person who was holding them together. Last night our 15 year old said to me, "You're experiencing such a divorce glow-up. You're so strong. I always tell my therapist that you're just skyrocketing, and all that's happened to Daddy is [long list of mishaps and maladies]."

Life is short. Don't ignore red flags. If he's a liar and cheater, how about none of us entertain his sorry ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He told me he was already divorced, and since he was living in my city for several years without his wife and kids I believed him. He went back to their state maybe twice a year, for less than a week each time.

Same … he totally lied. It took me about a month to figure it out and by then I had found someone better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

Spoiler - he doesn’t actually care about the wellbeing of his kids that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

Some women are incredible. This piece of sh**t here knowingly f**g a married man goes as far as saying yeah he cares about his kids and wife b**ch how about you go find another man who is not taken. A woman will destroy another woman's lofe and not be bothered by it 1 second.

Hate to tell you but he wouldn’t be able to stay in a sexless marriage. The marriage lasts longer and is more functional because I’m here doing what she should be doing. If she initiated sex with him even once a month I probably wouldn’t be in the picture. If she ever starts having sex with him again I’m sure we’d stop seeing each other. But, he’s been trying for 5+ years - he’s even tried to get her to go to counseling but she has no interest.

Ew you are gross. Ask yourself what about this situation arouses you and why you cannot find an unmarried man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out
with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

I can assure you he is lying about not having sex but if it works for you two then good for you. If you literally don't care that one day he might dump you like a hot potato then who cares.

As a guy in a dead-bedroom marriage, when I hear stories about cheating, I will never initially place blame because you don't know what is going on behind the scenes. Withholding sex is a version of spousal abuse. (I haven't, and do not plan to cheat)

Forcing sex is a type of sexual assault.

See how far that kind of language gets you?

With the exception of actual open marriages or a spouse with a longterm illness, there is no justification. (even the illness justification is shakey.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out
with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

I can assure you he is lying about not having sex but if it works for you two then good for you. If you literally don't care that one day he might dump you like a hot potato then who cares.

As a guy in a dead-bedroom marriage, when I hear stories about cheating, I will never initially place blame because you don't know what is going on behind the scenes. Withholding sex is a version of spousal abuse. (I haven't, and do not plan to cheat)

As a woman coming out of a marriage with a cheater, I do actually believe that making a marriage unilaterally sex-less is wrong.

However, two wrongs don't make a right. If I'm not getting my needs met in a marriage, then my options are to leave or open it up. Taking someone's autonomy away from them unilaterally is also wrong.

As for single women "dating" married men, you know this person is fine with lying and exposing their partner to risk without their knowledge. You know he can't communicate in a kind but firm way to get his needs met, so he just does whatever he wants. You know he blurs lines when it suits him. It's hard to see how this man could be the best you could do. He's not going to magically change once you land him (in fact, he'll have been rewarded for his behavior).

Sadly, my stbx's AP was also married, and she has younger kids. I wish he'd gone with a single, childless woman like his other affair, because I feel sorry for her kids. But I also feel elated to be free from a man who turned out to be such a poor partner. He always felt everything wrong in his life was because of me, and now I'm removed from the equation, and his life has imploded in a spectacular fireball. I don't even believe in karma because plenty of bad things happen to good people. But I do believe that self-absorbed man-children fall apart when they lose the person who was holding them together. Last night our 15 year old said to me, "You're experiencing such a divorce glow-up. You're so strong. I always tell my therapist that you're just skyrocketing, and all that's happened to Daddy is [long list of mishaps and maladies]."

Life is short. Don't ignore red flags. If he's a liar and cheater, how about none of us entertain his sorry ass.

Same girl, same. Mine turned the marriage sexless. He's incapable of true intimacy. I am so relieved he left when he decided to attach himself to someone else. I'm working to understand why I was ok with a long relationship that lacked that kind of emotional and physical connection that mark healthy relationships. We're both alcoholics. When I got sober he took that as his cue to flee. I am so grateful to be free of that terrible relationship. I was a liar as well - I couldn't admit to anyone, even therapists, that I was miserable. Onwards!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not having an affair, just sex. Sending the ones who are not good in bed, back to their wives. I do feel sorry for the women who have to live with them or who are dating them.
Few are good in bed, but I wouldn't date them as they have other problems from ASD (can't get it up as brain and it don't connect easily) to childhood trauma.

There we go again. Can we have a single thread without someone saying that a man has some form of mental illness?

Are you saying men with erectile dysfunction have ASD? Incredible. Maybe your brain is the one that's f**d up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

Some women are incredible. This piece of sh**t here knowingly f**g a married man goes as far as saying yeah he cares about his kids and wife b**ch how about you go find another man who is not taken. A woman will destroy another woman's lofe and not be bothered by it 1 second.

Hate to tell you but he wouldn’t be able to stay in a sexless marriage. The marriage lasts longer and is more functional because I’m here doing what she should be doing. If she initiated sex with him even once a month I probably wouldn’t be in the picture. If she ever starts having sex with him again I’m sure we’d stop seeing each other. But, he’s been trying for 5+ years - he’s even tried to get her to go to counseling but she has no interest.

Ew you are gross. Ask yourself what about this situation arouses you and why you cannot find an unmarried man.

Sure there are other guys out there but I’m not looking for a relationship. I just need one aspect to be happy right now and he’s in the same boat. Plus, he’s really hot, we have tons of chemistry and its not just regular ho-hum sex.