Why don't we hear a lot from the men who are having affairs with married women? |
And the person having sex with trash is …? |
Trash-bin? ![]() ![]() |
So many posts seem to assume these relationships are all the same. There's probably more variation.
I'm 45yo married man with kids. There has been no intimacy of any kind in my marriage for years. We generally get along, we're good co-parents, but deep down, both of us are very unhappy with our marriage and are staying together only for the kids right now. Meanwhile, my AP is divorced, same age as me, and also has kids. We met many years ago and became friends. Over time, the conversations became deeper and the friendship became more real. Eventually, romantic feelings developed, and after a long period dancing around the issue, we gave in to those feelings. She knows what's going on in my marriage because I've been talking to her about it for years. She knows I'm not b.s.-ing her just to get her into bed or stringing her along. I would never have considered doing this if I didn't feel like I'd exhausted all other options with my wife, and I think my AP has the same view. We like being together. Neither of us has any concrete expectation about where this will go. She's not looking for a permanent partner any more than I am, but we do genuinely care about each other and enjoy our time together. |
The coward has entered the chat. |
Agree, not every case is black and white. I was faithful for 20 years to DH, but we had problems from the beginning that worsened over time. Eventually I wanted to pursue a divorce that put our kids first, he wanted scorched earth. My AP is divorced and understands what the collateral damage would be to me and my kids. I wish that I had a clean break, but it wouldn't be, and I'm not willing to put my teens through the hell DH would cause. |
Someone I considered a friend is having an affair with a married man, and this has made me lose all respect for her - they were hooking up until about a week and a half ago and his wife had a baby last weekend. I think she’s pathetic, he’s pathetic, and the situation overall is pathetic.
She’s never had a great time with relationships, and is frankly a difficult person to deal with in general. That she’s mid-forties, never been married (nor asked), no kids, no career - I think it all speaks for itself. I’m ending the friendship. |
So you are having an affair as a favor to your kids because you are scared of what your DH might do? If you get caught, you will have given your DH everything he needs to go scorched earth. It is unlikely your affair would impact your property or custody settlement, but it would affect your reputation. |
Your spouse… |
The but but, but we are different story is so the same. They can’t just admit they follow toxic pattern and they have to pretend that they are different than everyone else better. |
This thread proves that a lot of people men and women should have never been married to begin with. Some of the posts here are just sad to read. All of that could have been avoided had they stayed unmarried. Folks marriage is not mandatory lol. I will never cheat on my wife no matter what happens in our marriage. It took me awhile before I decided to marry DW 20 years. I needed to make sure she would be the last woman I would sleep with, love, and have children with. When we were dating we both made sure we knew each other well. We didn't rush to get married. 20 years in we are deeply in love and I do not see that changing. |
I think a lot of women are very vulnerable to men's advances that they may want to admit. There is something in the woman's brain that makes her put asides all morals etc when the right man hits it with her. He can married, unattractive, poor, rich, short, tall, fat, a thief, gangster it doesn't matter. If this guy captivates her attention that's it. |
I understand that you're saying it's the lesser of two evils, but it's like you're building a big old bonfire for your husband to light when he finds out. A guy who's too spiteful and horrible to divorce without cheating on him isn't going to provide a nice experience when he finds out he was cheated on. And while I believe your husband is probably not the greatest, using that as justification means everyone who wants to cheat can just say, "Oh but my spouse is too spiteful to divorce." If we can dehumanize other people to get out of treating them right, there will always be people who do that. |
Very fair question .. |
I can give you my story. I was freshly divorced and met a woman ("Betty") via OLD. She stayed over on our first date, and I thought this was going to be great. However, I started noticing things were off. For example, we never went to her place. She said it was because her soon-to-be ex-husband still had to live with her so he could stay on her health insurance. Additionally, she would only call at specific times of the day (I believe she could only call during her commute home). I figured out that she might get a divorce "someday", but that day was not anytime soon, and for right now, she was married. However, she was very submissive and did not care if our "dates" were limited to dropping by my apartment when we were free. She had no boundaries that I ever found, and it was a perfect form of NSA fun. It got old quickly when I started seeing other women, and I found I could get everything I got from her from them without any creepy "I'll call today at 5:10 to plan a 6:15 hookup" vibe. I ended it by stopping picking up when she called at 5:10. |