If you’re a single woman having an affair with a married man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posts seem to assume these relationships are all the same. There's probably more variation.

I'm 45yo married man with kids. There has been no intimacy of any kind in my marriage for years. We generally get along, we're good co-parents, but deep down, both of us are very unhappy with our marriage and are staying together only for the kids right now. Meanwhile, my AP is divorced, same age as me, and also has kids. We met many years ago and became friends. Over time, the conversations became deeper and the friendship became more real. Eventually, romantic feelings developed, and after a long period dancing around the issue, we gave in to those feelings. She knows what's going on in my marriage because I've been talking to her about it for years. She knows I'm not b.s.-ing her just to get her into bed or stringing her along. I would never have considered doing this if I didn't feel like I'd exhausted all other options with my wife, and I think my AP has the same view. We like being together. Neither of us has any concrete expectation about where this will go. She's not looking for a permanent partner any more than I am, but we do genuinely care about each other and enjoy our time together.

Agree, not every case is black and white. I was faithful for 20 years to DH, but we had problems from the beginning that worsened over time. Eventually I wanted to pursue a divorce that put our kids first, he wanted scorched earth. My AP is divorced and understands what the collateral damage would be to me and my kids. I wish that I had a clean break, but it wouldn't be, and I'm not willing to put my teens through the hell DH would cause.

What is your definition of “scorched earth”? And what do you think your DH will do when he discovers the affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I ask why you do it? You do realize he’s married and his loyalty stays with his wife and children. Just curious what the single woman thinks the end result will be? Usually when affairs are discovered the AP is immediately dropped. You gotta be a real desperate loser to think you have a chance.

My uncle left my aunt and 3 young kids to be with his much- younger side piece. She got the promotion to second wife and he walked away from his first family without a second glance and without a cent of financial support. They’re still together 25 years later.

Wow. How did he evade child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I ask why you do it? You do realize he’s married and his loyalty stays with his wife and children. Just curious what the single woman thinks the end result will be? Usually when affairs are discovered the AP is immediately dropped. You gotta be a real desperate loser to think you have a chance.

My uncle left my aunt and 3 young kids to be with his much- younger side piece. She got the promotion to second wife and he walked away from his first family without a second glance and without a cent of financial support. They’re still together 25 years later.

Wow. How did he evade child support?

He doesn't live in New York I guess lmao. You can't hide in NY the state/county/city will hunt you down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many posts seem to assume these relationships are all the same. There's probably more variation.

I'm 45yo married man with kids. There has been no intimacy of any kind in my marriage for years. We generally get along, we're good co-parents, but deep down, both of us are very unhappy with our marriage and are staying together only for the kids right now. Meanwhile, my AP is divorced, same age as me, and also has kids. We met many years ago and became friends. Over time, the conversations became deeper and the friendship became more real. Eventually, romantic feelings developed, and after a long period dancing around the issue, we gave in to those feelings. She knows what's going on in my marriage because I've been talking to her about it for years. She knows I'm not b.s.-ing her just to get her into bed or stringing her along. I would never have considered doing this if I didn't feel like I'd exhausted all other options with my wife, and I think my AP has the same view. We like being together. Neither of us has any concrete expectation about where this will go. She's not looking for a permanent partner any more than I am, but we do genuinely care about each other and enjoy our time together.

+1. Mine never married and didn’t want kids, but otherwise the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posts seem to assume these relationships are all the same. There's probably more variation.

I'm 45yo married man with kids. There has been no intimacy of any kind in my marriage for years. We generally get along, we're good co-parents, but deep down, both of us are very unhappy with our marriage and are staying together only for the kids right now. Meanwhile, my AP is divorced, same age as me, and also has kids. We met many years ago and became friends. Over time, the conversations became deeper and the friendship became more real. Eventually, romantic feelings developed, and after a long period dancing around the issue, we gave in to those feelings. She knows what's going on in my marriage because I've been talking to her about it for years. She knows I'm not b.s.-ing her just to get her into bed or stringing her along. I would never have considered doing this if I didn't feel like I'd exhausted all other options with my wife, and I think my AP has the same view. We like being together. Neither of us has any concrete expectation about where this will go. She's not looking for a permanent partner any more than I am, but we do genuinely care about each other and enjoy our time together.

Agree, not every case is black and white. I was faithful for 20 years to DH, but we had problems from the beginning that worsened over time. Eventually I wanted to pursue a divorce that put our kids first, he wanted scorched earth. My AP is divorced and understands what the collateral damage would be to me and my kids. I wish that I had a clean break, but it wouldn't be, and I'm not willing to put my teens through the hell DH would cause.

What is your definition of “scorched earth”? And what do you think your DH will do when he discovers the affair?

I saw cheating woman lose the house (SAHM). Get no alimony (well very very minimal for just a few years). He waited until kids were 18 to file to avoid paying her child support (yes he does take care of his kids himself). He was smart with how he moved finances. She had to go court to beg post-divorce for some of his retirement. She had multiple (really egregious) affairs during the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many posts seem to assume these relationships are all the same. There's probably more variation.

I'm 45yo married man with kids. There has been no intimacy of any kind in my marriage for years. We generally get along, we're good co-parents, but deep down, both of us are very unhappy with our marriage and are staying together only for the kids right now. Meanwhile, my AP is divorced, same age as me, and also has kids. We met many years ago and became friends. Over time, the conversations became deeper and the friendship became more real. Eventually, romantic feelings developed, and after a long period dancing around the issue, we gave in to those feelings. She knows what's going on in my marriage because I've been talking to her about it for years. She knows I'm not b.s.-ing her just to get her into bed or stringing her along. I would never have considered doing this if I didn't feel like I'd exhausted all other options with my wife, and I think my AP has the same view. We like being together. Neither of us has any concrete expectation about where this will go. She's not looking for a permanent partner any more than I am, but we do genuinely care about each other and enjoy our time together.

Agree, not every case is black and white. I was faithful for 20 years to DH, but we had problems from the beginning that worsened over time. Eventually I wanted to pursue a divorce that put our kids first, he wanted scorched earth. My AP is divorced and understands what the collateral damage would be to me and my kids. I wish that I had a clean break, but it wouldn't be, and I'm not willing to put my teens through the hell DH would cause.

What is your definition of “scorched earth”? And what do you think your DH will do when he discovers the affair?

I saw cheating woman lose the house (SAHM). Get no alimony (well very very minimal for just a few years). He waited until kids were 18 to file to avoid paying her child support (yes he does take care of his kids himself). He was smart with how he moved finances. She had to go court to beg post-divorce for some of his retirement. She had multiple (really egregious) affairs during the marriage.

Don’t blame him. She FAFO

[Anonymous]

I am not arguing what you are stating because what you are stating are facts.

I do detect a little bit of bitterness within your words however…..

Is your husband currently stepping out on your marriage??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I ask why you do it? You do realize he’s married and his loyalty stays with his wife and children. Just curious what the single woman thinks the end result will be? Usually when affairs are discovered the AP is immediately dropped. You gotta be a real desperate loser to think you have a chance.

My uncle left my aunt and 3 young kids to be with his much- younger side piece. She got the promotion to second wife and he walked away from his first family without a second glance and without a cent of financial support. They’re still together 25 years later.

Cheating is abhorrent. But if your aunt got fat or was not having sex with her husband, then she is part of the problem. Not justifying cheating but telling you what caused it. Feel bad for your cousins

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I ask why you do it? You do realize he’s married and his loyalty stays with his wife and children. Just curious what the single woman thinks the end result will be? Usually when affairs are discovered the AP is immediately dropped. You gotta be a real desperate loser to think you have a chance.

My uncle left my aunt and 3 young kids to be with his much- younger side piece. She got the promotion to second wife and he walked away from his first family without a second glance and without a cent of financial support. They’re still together 25 years later.

Cheating is abhorrent. But if your aunt got fat or was not having sex with her husband, then she is part of the problem. Not justifying cheating but telling you what caused it. Feel bad for your cousins

The wife was caring for 3 young kids on her own, the whore was not. As simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread proves that a lot of people men and women should have never been married to begin with. Some of the posts here are just sad to read. All of that could have been avoided had they stayed unmarried. Folks marriage is not mandatory lol. I will never cheat on my wife no matter what happens in our marriage. It took me awhile before I decided to marry DW 20 years. I needed to make sure she would be the last woman I would sleep with, love, and have children with. When we were dating we both made sure we knew each other well. We didn't rush to get married. 20 years in we are deeply in love and I do not see that changing.

Marriage is, in fact mandatory if you don’t want to live in sin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I ask why you do it? You do realize he’s married and his loyalty stays with his wife and children. Just curious what the single woman thinks the end result will be? Usually when affairs are discovered the AP is immediately dropped. You gotta be a real desperate loser to think you have a chance.

My uncle left my aunt and 3 young kids to be with his much- younger side piece. She got the promotion to second wife and he walked away from his first family without a second glance and without a cent of financial support. They’re still together 25 years later.

Cheating is abhorrent. But if your aunt got fat or was not having sex with her husband, then she is part of the problem. Not justifying cheating but telling you what caused it. Feel bad for your cousins

The wife was caring for 3 young kids on her own, the whore was not. As simple as that.

Okay but taking care of the kids does not make it okay to not fulfill your marital obligations

[Anonymous]

I always picture two cheaters getting married and their vows being, “…this time, FOR REAL, I promise to….”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always picture two cheaters getting married and their vows being, “…this time, FOR REAL, I promise to….”

They have a defect. They really do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I ask why you do it? You do realize he’s married and his loyalty stays with his wife and children. Just curious what the single woman thinks the end result will be? Usually when affairs are discovered the AP is immediately dropped. You gotta be a real desperate loser to think you have a chance.

Not true. He leaves his wife for her over 75 percent of the time

With new red state laws this will change. Women on the side will never be the wife

So many political figures on the right like Trump have married the OW. As disgusting as he is, if Trump managed an affair, he could have Wife #4 before his second term is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why don't we hear a lot from the men who are having affairs with married women?

I can give you my story. I was freshly divorced and met a woman ("Betty") via OLD. She stayed over on our first date, and I thought this was going to be great. However, I started noticing things were off. For example, we never went to her place. She said it was because her soon-to-be ex-husband still had to live with her so he could stay on her health insurance. Additionally, she would only call at specific times of the day (I believe she could only call during her commute home). I figured out that she might get a divorce "someday", but that day was not anytime soon, and for right now, she was married.

However, she was very submissive and did not care if our "dates" were limited to dropping by my apartment when we were free. She had no boundaries that I ever found, and it was a perfect form of NSA fun. It got old quickly when I started seeing other women, and I found I could get everything I got from her from them without any creepy "I'll call today at 5:10 to plan a 6:15 hookup" vibe.

I ended it by stopping picking up when she called at 5:10.

Similar situation here. Currently seeing a married OW who is very submissive, wants kinky exploration, and her husband is as vanilla as apple pie & ice cream. She has kids, can only meet up during the day time, only plays at a hotel, and communicates only using Snap set to 24 hour expiration. She’s very discreet. Loves to send dirty texts, but will not send anything with her face. I found her on the apps. Her DH has zero clue.

I actually think most of the OW for married men are married women. Both have something to lose, need to be discreet, and can understand pains of scheduling around family life. There’s no hurt feelings about canceling at the last minute or sending/receiving a last minute “Are you free today?” message. Married men are nuts to take on a OW (1) who is younger and wants kids and (2) without getting a vasectomy.

In short, I think it’s more common for the OW to be a married woman these days.