If you’re a single woman having an affair with a married man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My God, this again. Just get therapy. The Relationship Forum has way too much hand-wringing and agonizing over cheating as it is. Maybe read the millions of threads asking this very thing, over and over again!!!

This forum really seems to trigger the APs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My God, this again. Just get therapy. The Relationship Forum has way too much hand-wringing and agonizing over cheating as it is. Maybe read the millions of threads asking this very thing, over and over again!!!

This forum really seems to trigger the APs.

Especially on days when their AP is with their family

[Anonymous]

I think OP's question deserves an answer. Here are a few theories.

First, when a single person cheats with a married person, it's a way for the shingle person to be in a relationship with someone who'd be unattainable otherwise.

Second, in a strange but important way, the kind of relationship described by OP is safe. If and when it falls, the failure won't be because the AP wasn't good enough of pretty enough or smart enough or something else enough. The relationship was doomed from the start so its failure won't be AP's fault.

Third, the intensity of some of those relationships must be amazing. A man who's normally rock solid may be confiding deep secrets and vulnerabilities.
.
Fourth, the conquest is probably very satisfying. The single AP is so special that the cheating spouse is willing to break vows and risk disaster. That's going to feel really good to some people.

Fifth, quite a few affairs are probably based on genuine love and connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You post this every quarter, OP.

1. Get therapy.

2. The blame lies with the married affair partner, not the unmarried one. The single person doesn't betray anyone. It's the married person who betrays their spouse.

- married person

This
Go ask your/the cheating lying spouse

[Anonymous]

A lot of cheaters think they'll never be discovered, so why not? And a lot of those cheaters are probably right that they'll never be discovered.

[Anonymous]

Some do it to feel heard, or respected, or appreciated.

[Anonymous]

He told me he was already divorced, and since he was living in my city for several years without his wife and kids I believed him. He went back to their state maybe twice a year, for less than a week each time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You post this every quarter, OP.

1. Get therapy.

2. The blame lies with the married affair partner, not the unmarried one. The single person doesn't betray anyone. It's the married person who betrays their spouse.

- married person

This
Go ask your/the cheating lying spouse

Being a good person lies with all of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My God, this again. Just get therapy. The Relationship Forum has way too much hand-wringing and agonizing over cheating as it is. Maybe read the millions of threads asking this very thing, over and over again!!!

This forum really seems to trigger the APs.

Especially on days when their AP is with their family

⬆️⬆️⬆️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You post this every quarter, OP.

1. Get therapy.

2. The blame lies with the married affair partner, not the unmarried one. The single person doesn't betray anyone. It's the married person who betrays their spouse.

- married person

This
Go ask your/the cheating lying spouse

Being a good person lies with all of us.

Anything to NOT have to ask that lying cheating spouse

Ehhhh No accountability much ?

[Anonymous]

AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

[Anonymous]

Well, not me. But a woman I work with has found herself in this position.

The short of it is that he lied to her for months, telling her that he was separated and getting a divorce and that it was basically final but they had to work a few more "legal things" out. She figured out that he was lying when she did a public records search (we're lawyers, so this was easy for her) and discovered he had just closed on a new house with his wife, only a few weeks before she discovered it. Then she had a name and looked her up and ... yep ... all kinds of smiley happy family pics out there on SM with ... a baby.

She's desperate (hasn't had a SO or even a boyfriend in the five years I've known her, despite desperately wanting one) and all in love with him so still seeing him, convinced he's going to leave the wife. He's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP here. He’s married I suspect he’ll stay that way. His kids and their wellbeing are very important to him. He even has a loving realtionship with his wife which is good everywhere except for attraction and sex. She rejects him for sex constantly and he’s not sure he can get erect for her anymore anyway without help from meds. I’m just out of a long term relationship and don’t want anything serious. We both get good, really good, sex and neither of us are interested in it going any further. So, yeah, I’m hanging out with friends on the 4th but I don’t currently feel like I need more.

Some women are incredible. This piece of sh**t here knowingly f**g a married man goes as far as saying yeah he cares about his kids and wife b**ch how about you go find another man who is not taken. A woman will destroy another woman's lofe and not be bothered by it 1 second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can I ask why you do it? You do realize he’s married and his loyalty stays with his wife and children. Just curious what the single woman thinks the end result will be? Usually when affairs are discovered the AP is immediately dropped. You gotta be a real desperate loser to think you have a chance.

This isn't necessarily true though. The spouse is the one "dropped" quite often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You post this every quarter, OP.

1. Get therapy.

2. The blame lies with the married affair partner, not the unmarried one. The single person doesn't betray anyone. It's the married person who betrays their spouse.

- married person

+100

The AP didn't take vows to be loyal and all that, the married one did.