Fiance and I can't agree on wedding date

[Anonymous]

I think it’s nice he has opinion. Don’t get me started on the “woman plans wedding > woman registers for wedding > woman registers for baby > woman knows more about babies > women does more baby care > father of two elementary schoolers doesn’t know what sizes his kids wears and is generally useless” pipeline.

Our approach, which has served us well across a variety of differences of opinion over 9 years and three kids, is that enthusiasm wins. Whoever cares more should get to make the call. So take a step back and think about how much you care about it, vs how much he cares about it, as objectively as you can.

Also you say you’ve agreed upon lots of other things for the wedding (location, food, music, colors). If a lot of those things are one of you saying “here’s what I think we should do” and the other saying “yeah, that sounds good” then Mr (or Ms) agreeable should get his (or her) pick. If you’re go with the flow on most things, you should get your choice on the one thing you actually have a strong opinion about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiance and I both want different months for a varity of reasons. How do we compromise so we are both happy?

There’s no compromising. He makes you happy (assuming you are a woman).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never even occurred to me to have any opinion about the wedding unless my wife asked for one. What an odd man.

What a loser. Real men have opinions on romantic, esthetic and emotional events. Their opinions count just as much women's.

[Anonymous]

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not joking but if you already can't agree for this you relationship is doomed.

We agreed on a lot of things- venue, catering company, food, music, first dance song, colors, etc. We just can’t pick a month.

Do not argue about this. Just pick and have fun. Remember one thing will go wrong and roll with it. Don’t be a bridezilla. If bridge & groom are having fun, all are having fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s nice he has opinion. Don’t get me started on the “woman plans wedding > woman registers for wedding > woman registers for baby > woman knows more about babies > women does more baby care > father of two elementary schoolers doesn’t know what sizes his kids wears and is generally useless” pipeline.

Our approach, which has served us well across a variety of differences of opinion over 9 years and three kids, is that enthusiasm wins. Whoever cares more should get to make the call. So take a step back and think about how much you care about it, vs how much he cares about it, as objectively as you can.

Also you say you’ve agreed upon lots of other things for the wedding (location, food, music, colors). If a lot of those things are one of you saying “here’s what I think we should do” and the other saying “yeah, that sounds good” then Mr (or Ms) agreeable should get his (or her) pick. If you’re go with the flow on most things, you should get your choice on the one thing you actually have a strong opinion about.

I don’t think him having an opinion is
“ gay” as one op suggested. I like that he is involved and excited. I wouldn’t want to be getting married to a man who just wanted to show up and couldn’t care less about our wedding or any events.

We mutually agreed upon the venue, catering, theme, etc. Neither of us just agreed or steam rolled one another into a choice. I think we will go with September because I feel strongly about it. I do not want to feel hot and sweaty on my wedding. I also think a dark green or emerald colored bridesmaid dresses go better with fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:September becomes busy once you have school aged kids. We rarely get to celebrate our anniversary with so much else going on that time of year. I agree that October would be a better fall month and June is always nice and a traditional month for weddings.

We won’t be having kids at our wedding.

This has come up several times and you're not getting it. The anniversaries are going to conflict with a lot of kid stuff. Are you planning on having kids yourself, is the question?

Maybe. We are content not having them.

Of all the things to think about, anniversary date and kids would not be on my mind. DH and I go out for dinner around our anniversary. We had a baby after the first year. Between 3 kids’ birthdays, my birthday, dh’s birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Xmas, thanksgiving, etc, we do plenty of celebrating in our house.

We have a family member planning a wedding and we will all be part of the wedding. We can’t do fall after school starts as pp said it gets busy with school and kids.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are talking about late September, the weather could be equally hot or hotter than an early June wedding. Or it could rain. Or be too cold. It sounds like weather is driving a lot of your decision but the difference between those months is not drastic enough to make a decision on that. You don't know what you will get.

If you have people traveling in, I would take a look at average flights/hotel costs and make sure there isn't a big difference over the dates you select. Let that be more of a determining factor. Yes, schools are an issue for parents but June isn't really much better since the kids will be getting out then and you still need childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:September becomes busy once you have school aged kids. We rarely get to celebrate our anniversary with so much else going on that time of year. I agree that October would be a better fall month and June is always nice and a traditional month for weddings.

We won’t be having kids at our wedding.

This has come up several times and you're not getting it. The anniversaries are going to conflict with a lot of kid stuff. Are you planning on having kids yourself, is the question?

Maybe. We are content not having them.

Of all the things to think about, anniversary date and kids would not be on my mind. DH and I go out for dinner around our anniversary. We had a baby after the first year. Between 3 kids’ birthdays, my birthday, dh’s birthday, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Xmas, thanksgiving, etc, we do plenty of celebrating in our house.

We have a family member planning a wedding and we will all be part of the wedding. We can’t do fall after school starts as pp said it gets busy with school and kids.

Most of our family members have older kids who can stay home or come to the wedding. Most of our friends don’t have kids or have babies and they will stay with family. We aren’t worried about parenting stuff because that won’t be an issue for us. Our wedding will be on a Saturday and it’s local to family and friends. The only young kid is my husband’s 4 year old nephew and he will be the ring bearer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are talking about late September, the weather could be equally hot or hotter than an early June wedding. Or it could rain. Or be too cold. It sounds like weather is driving a lot of your decision but the difference between those months is not drastic enough to make a decision on that. You don't know what you will get.

If you have people traveling in, I would take a look at average flights/hotel costs and make sure there isn't a big difference over the dates you select. Let that be more of a determining factor. Yes, schools are an issue for parents but June isn't really much better since the kids will be getting out then and you still need childcare.

It will be late September. I hate hot weather. I don’t mind colder weather or some rain. Our wedding is inside and so is the reception. It will overlook water so we can go out if we want to.

All of the people are local. I always said the parenting thing isn’t an issue because the only ones we know have older children or babies who will be left with family.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why I'm getting bad vibes from this post but I just feel like this is the most trivial thing on the planet and it's such a bad sign that you can't get this sorted out.

You should have compromised on this already because you both want each other to be happy, and the month of marriage is irrelevant in the scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

When I got engaged my sister said “pick the venue or pick the date and the rest will fall into place.”

Are there particular strong reasons a date will or won’t work? For instance, we got engaged in May, my sister in law was pregnant and couldn’t travel until Sept, and my sister had two international trips for work in March and April the next spring. We didn’t want to wait a full year so we focused on Oct - Feb timeframe. My sister had a venue she really wanted and it was only open in the summer. She got engaged in the summertime and the venue was already booked the following summer for weekends except for one weekend in July, so she booked it. Conversely, is there a strong reason not to marry on a given date (big work project due, loved one died on that day…)?

[Anonymous]

Pp here - also, we started dating in May and got engaged on our dating anniversary. Our winter wedding date often has terrible weather and one of our children has a birthday a week after our wedding anniversary, so we often feel busy and hunker down and order take out and light some candles (if we’re feeling fancy) or just lounge in our pjs and then go out for our dating / engagement anniversary in May. For our 10th anniversary, my aunt’s funeral ended up being the day after our anniversary. I was very close to her. My husband helped me pack with little notice and watched the kids for the weekend while I flew cross country to attend. I came down with something and returned sick and he said “I’ve got this” and sent me to bed even though he’d been single parenting our young children for a few days and had a project due at work. While not typically what one would think of, I view that as a very romantic anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I got engaged my sister said “pick the venue or pick the date and the rest will fall into place.”

Are there particular strong reasons a date will or won’t work? For instance, we got engaged in May, my sister in law was pregnant and couldn’t travel until Sept, and my sister had two international trips for work in March and April the next spring. We didn’t want to wait a full year so we focused on Oct - Feb timeframe. My sister had a venue she really wanted and it was only open in the summer. She got engaged in the summertime and the venue was already booked the following summer for weekends except for one weekend in July, so she booked it. Conversely, is there a strong reason not to marry on a given date (big work project due, loved one died on that day…)?

Nothing serious or meaningful. I just don’t want to be hot. I also think the weeding color options - dark green or wine colored - will look best for a fall wedding. I really hate the heat and burn easily. I don’t want to be hot on my wedding day and get sunburned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiance and I both want different months for a varity of reasons. How do we compromise so we are both happy?

Talk it out and work it out.
Start with the basics: goals, suggestions, pros/cons, match w values, reiterate.
Use a therapist as a third party if thins are not progressing.

Then stand back, ID what the real underlying problem is, ID if it will never change, cancel the wedding.

Life should be that difficult for $hit like that.