Husband pressuring me to quit job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford to quit your job?
Share less with him or
Find a new job..

Yes. We have plenty of savings and he makes majority of our money. We have side investments.

My husband always wanted a wife that stayed home. He wanted me to quit work once we married. He accepted that I wanted to work. I feel like now is his time to push for me to be home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boy these comments are harsh. Op is pregnant and going rhrpugh a rough time and husband is raising the issue. This forum is full of people who can be incredibly hard on people so ignore those voices.

One thing is: don't quit your job. Babies are expensive and even if you found a new job you likely wouldn't qualify for any maternity leave or protections like FMLA. Having a new baby is also a time of upheaval and change in relationships and you don't want to be setting certain precedents now.

I'd have an open conversation with him about how this makes you uncomfortable and you don't want to quit your job. Everyone has complaints about work but we do need to pay our bills. Especially at a time when it would be very hard to find a new job, sometimes you just have to put your head down and get through it. When you're more settled post kids then you may have the space to job hunt.

Money isn’t really an issue for us. We have our jobs and other streams of income. It’s about giving up my independence and my sole identity turning into a wife and mom. My husband has always been a more traditional man but supported me working.

I mean to be blunt sometimes someone will use a shift like this to get what they want. His motivations here may be based on his traditionalist and not what is best for you. It is definitely not unheard of for men to change after marriage or kids because the woman is more locked in and committed.

So definitely talk to him about this.

I can see this happening as OP has mentioned - she doesn’t want to give up her independence and he’s more of a traditional man - ie wants wife home ..

Slippery slope.. As you married him knowing this.

I’d quit the complaining about work convos and discuss roles once that child arrives and moving forward

[Anonymous]

"HI honey, I know you mean well when you say I can quit my job, but while my job might be frustrating sometimes I do like working and I would feel really bored at home all day. So I hear you and appreciate that you're trying to be supportive, but it's not really making me feel better. Sometimes things can be frustrating but aren'tnecessarily a problem to be solved. Thank you for your offer, I appreciate it, I really do, but it's not what I want."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford to quit your job?
Share less with him or
Find a new job..

Yes. We have plenty of savings and he makes majority of our money. We have side investments.

My husband always wanted a wife that stayed home. He wanted me to quit work once we married. He accepted that I wanted to work. I feel like now is his time to push for me to be home.

Yeah, that's a bit scary, to be honest. If he wanted a stay at home wife, he shouldn't have married someone who wants to work, and he needs to accept that you aren't going to change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes, when someone complains you need to determine: do they want help to solve this, or are they just venting? Your DH doesn’t seem to bother to clarify, and is jumping in the “I’ll help solve this”, when really all you want is to vent. Just tell him that. “I’m grumpy and need to vent. I just want you to listen and support me, not try to give solutions, ok?”
This is easily solved with some communication good luck!

We have been through this lol
He brought up me quitting after weeks of complaining. Now it’s a daily “ do you feel like you want to quit” talk.

I mean honestly, he is telling you he is willing and able to step up and support the whole family. Have you thanked him for the sentiment even if you don’t take him up on it? That’s a big decision!

Maybe he’s worried the stress is impacting the baby. Of course this is about your life and career and you want a partner to lend a supportive ear…but I think it’s valid that he doesn’t want these sweet moments just before your baby’s arrival to be colored by constant sad, negative “venting.” Do you have other girlfriends/family you can also talk to about this so you can diversify your audience? It’s a really heavy ask for one person to bear the entire emotional load of an unchanging, consistent sadness. This is depressing him, too. Of course he’s going to come up with a call to action! Why haven’t you?

[Anonymous]

He hates the complaining. Find a therapist. Find someone else you can unload on, he's done.

[Anonymous]

How about just find one bright spot in your day and when DH asks tell him that? If you can't find one bright spot regularly you probably should look for other work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford to quit your job?
Share less with him or
Find a new job..

Yes. We have plenty of savings and he makes majority of our money. We have side investments.

My husband always wanted a wife that stayed home. He wanted me to quit work once we married. He accepted that I wanted to work. I feel like now is his time to push for me to be home.

Hahahah I guarantee you will be a SAHM within a year of the baby’s arrival. His new pressuring tactic will be to do nothing and make you do everything.

[Anonymous]

So you knew he wanted you to be a SAHM. What did you think was going to happen when you started whining about your job? You sound very dim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you knew he wanted you to be a SAHM. What did you think was going to happen when you started whining about your job? You sound very dim.

He chose to date and marry me. Relationships are a give and take.

[Anonymous]

Stop complaining. Hire a therapist and do your complaining to the therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you knew he wanted you to be a SAHM. What did you think was going to happen when you started whining about your job? You sound very dim.

He chose to date and marry me. Relationships are a give and take.

That has nothing to do with what I said. You knew he wanted a SAHM. But he was fine with you working. But now you're complaining all the time about how stressed you are and that the job is impacting you negatively. And yet you're acting so shocked and put out that he's encouraging you to stay home. Yeah ...no kidding. You really are dumb.

[Anonymous]

Have you had a job that you haven’t hated/complained about?

If so - switch jobs after you have your baby.

If not - remember it’s called work for a reason, and your husband may also not be thrilled with work, but is a grownup and knows the bills need to be paid. Since your income isn’t necessary, its not worth the drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford to quit your job?
Share less with him or
Find a new job..

Yes. We have plenty of savings and he makes majority of our money. We have side investments.

My husband always wanted a wife that stayed home. He wanted me to quit work once we married. He accepted that I wanted to work. I feel like now is his time to push for me to be home.

Yeah, that's a bit scary, to be honest. If he wanted a stay at home wife, he shouldn't have married someone who wants to work, and he needs to accept that you aren't going to change that.

Actually this makes perfect sense. OP doesn’t want to work, but she doesn’t want to take ownership of the fact that she doesn’t want to work, so she deliberately married a guy who wants a SAHM and she is deliberately goading him into “pressuring” her to quit her job. Then when she inevitably quits she can pretend that she is an independent #girlboss at heart and her controlling husband *made* her quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you knew he wanted you to be a SAHM. What did you think was going to happen when you started whining about your job? You sound very dim.

He chose to date and marry me. Relationships are a give and take.

That has nothing to do with what I said. You knew he wanted a SAHM. But he was fine with you working. But now you're complaining all the time about how stressed you are and that the job is impacting you negatively. And yet you're acting so shocked and put out that he's encouraging you to stay home. Yeah ...no kidding. You really are dumb.

OP has got to be a troll. I refuse to accept that there are people this stupid in real life.