Husband pressuring me to quit job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my wife. Maybe do some self reflection and ask yourself why you are torturing and not only making your life miserable but his. He is trying to guide you toward sanity. This is about you not working, it’s about you voluntarily harming yourself and your marriage. Would you sit idly by and watch your husband harm himself? Maybe he loves you a cares about you. He may not be saying that but I can almost guarantee you that is where he is coming from.

FYI nothing is going to change or get better about the job. Stop expecting pushing on expecting it to get better.

Is this what you would tell a friend who complained about his job?

Yes and there is a difference between complaining about a job and watching a job hurt someone you care about mentally and physically.

Frankly it’s embarrassing what a lot of people allow their jobs to do to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much are you complaining about your job?

Almost daily. I know that’s bad but I’m exhausted. I’m 19 weeks pregnant and my patience to handle my job is much harder on me. I’m physically, mentally, and emotionally tired.

It's ok to complain, but it's not ok to do it daily. He is trying to help you because you keep complaining but you are doing nothing to improve the situation.
If there is nothing you want to do to change the situation, stop complaining. Suck it up.

He brings up the subject even when I don’t say anything. It’s become a daily thing. He asks me how my day went. I tell him. He tells me what will solve my stressful work. He again tells me how I should quit and just stay home while he’s massaging me or rubbing my feet. I want to keep my independence as long as possible, but he tells me how worried about he is for me.

What is keeping you there? Whatever it is, say to him my goal is to stay at least until x or that you have to play the long game and this puts you in a better position for that. And have a backup or pivot plan if circumstances are such that you can’t get there.

With all going on in the world I’ve seen the phrase “I hate this timeline” which can be true for many people. So I can see how there can be a lot outside your control as far as the work situation so you have to focus on what is within your control. For us, we have certain financial obligations and trying to pay off those off earlier or making sure it is set aside (college tuition) are the things in our control. And trying to focus on ways to not let the stress get to us is also within our control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work a very mentally stressful job that my husband has been pressuring me to quit. I have been complaining but all I want is supportive and someone to listen to me. He wants to talk action and have me quit. It's now a constant topic he brings us. What do I do?

What you need is a therapist or career coach, not a husband.

[Anonymous]

You just know OP goes to work and complains about her DH to her colleagues. They tell her to just go ahead and get a divorce already but she responds by saying she just wants to whine about how horrible he is.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to show him that episode of Parks and Rec where Chris learns his pregnant partner just needs sympathy sometimes, not problem solving.

https://youtu.be/OdA8QNTqn-A?si=jOFFfCnAaMGwP6Re

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to show him that episode of Parks and Rec where Chris learns his pregnant partner just needs sympathy sometimes, not problem solving.

https://youtu.be/OdA8QNTqn-A?si=jOFFfCnAaMGwP6Re

Eh. Chris was right, though. Ann was being extremely annoying in that episode. Being pregnant isn’t a license to be a complete PITA to everyone around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford to quit your job?
Share less with him or
Find a new job..

Yes. We have plenty of savings and he makes majority of our money. We have side investments.

My husband always wanted a wife that stayed home. He wanted me to quit work once we married. He accepted that I wanted to work. I feel like now is his time to push for me to be home.

Yeah, that's a bit scary, to be honest. If he wanted a stay at home wife, he shouldn't have married someone who wants to work, and he needs to accept that you aren't going to change that.

Actually this makes perfect sense. OP doesn’t want to work, but she doesn’t want to take ownership of the fact that she doesn’t want to work, so she deliberately married a guy who wants a SAHM and she is deliberately goading him into “pressuring” her to quit her job. Then when she inevitably quits she can pretend that she is an independent #girlboss at heart and her controlling husband *made* her quit.

And I don’t do the stupid girl boss stuff. So pathetic and weird.

So in this creative writing project why did YOU marry HIM?

Exactly 🥴

[Anonymous]

Sheez, get another job already. I'd be tired of hearing the same complaints over and over again about the same topic I can't do anything about too.

I grew up hearing my mother constantly complaining about my father and her marriage. She needed to shut up instead of dragging her dissatisfaction all over her kids. Utterly damaging and says so much about the uncontrollable complainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my wife. Maybe do some self reflection and ask yourself why you are torturing and not only making your life miserable but his. He is trying to guide you toward sanity. This is about you not working, it’s about you voluntarily harming yourself and your marriage. Would you sit idly by and watch your husband harm himself? Maybe he loves you a cares about you. He may not be saying that but I can almost guarantee you that is where he is coming from.

FYI nothing is going to change or get better about the job. Stop expecting pushing on expecting it to get better.

I agree with this. He's trying to be supportive and you need to consider that he is. I think you need to think about how much you complain about it. He hears you sounding upset enough that you should quit and he's okay with it. If that's not what you want, he may not be the person to complain to because it bothers him and he wants to solve the problem. It's possible that he's overreacting but maybe you shouldn't bring this to him; he may not be able to handle it and some people can't. Talk to someone else.

I had a friend who complained constantly about a job she had. It got to be too much for me. She told me her husband told her he didn't want to hear about it anymore and I understood why. In her case, I thought a lot of her complaints were petty but some were not. I told her my opinion but i felt like she was not going to hear it. The job was stressful and not a good fit for her. She did end up.quitting.

I went through this and quit my job for a few years. It was a good re-set for me. My husband suggested it. I was miserable and I think too miserable to see things clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my wife. Maybe do some self reflection and ask yourself why you are torturing and not only making your life miserable but his. He is trying to guide you toward sanity. This is about you not working, it’s about you voluntarily harming yourself and your marriage. Would you sit idly by and watch your husband harm himself? Maybe he loves you a cares about you. He may not be saying that but I can almost guarantee you that is where he is coming from.

FYI nothing is going to change or get better about the job. Stop expecting pushing on expecting it to get better.

That’s interesting.
It sounds to me like he is blowing her off and telling her to quit complaining.
Like it’s not worth his time to listen and come up with a real solution.

I’m mean, what do you do if your kids are causing your wife emotional and physical pain? Kick them out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my wife. Maybe do some self reflection and ask yourself why you are torturing and not only making your life miserable but his. He is trying to guide you toward sanity. This is about you not working, it’s about you voluntarily harming yourself and your marriage. Would you sit idly by and watch your husband harm himself? Maybe he loves you a cares about you. He may not be saying that but I can almost guarantee you that is where he is coming from.

FYI nothing is going to change or get better about the job. Stop expecting pushing on expecting it to get better.

That’s interesting.
It sounds to me like he is blowing her off and telling her to quit complaining.
Like it’s not worth his time to listen and come up with a real solution.

I’m mean, what do you do if your kids are causing your wife emotional and physical pain? Kick them out?

Once they are born, kids aren't voluntary. A job is a a choice, ie voluntary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my wife. Maybe do some self reflection and ask yourself why you are torturing and not only making your life miserable but his. He is trying to guide you toward sanity. This is about you not working, it’s about you voluntarily harming yourself and your marriage. Would you sit idly by and watch your husband harm himself? Maybe he loves you a cares about you. He may not be saying that but I can almost guarantee you that is where he is coming from.

FYI nothing is going to change or get better about the job. Stop expecting pushing on expecting it to get better.

That’s interesting.
It sounds to me like he is blowing her off and telling her to quit complaining.
Like it’s not worth his time to listen and come up with a real solution.

I’m mean, what do you do if your kids are causing your wife emotional and physical pain? Kick them out?

Once they are born, kids aren't voluntary. A job is a a choice, ie voluntary.

Well, kids aren’t optional for you. But people put their kids up for adoption or in foster care every day.

OP has made it clear that quitting her job and being a SAHP isn’t an option for her.

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone. My husband and I talked. We had a good heart to heart conversation. We are fine. I will continue to work until I can’t.

I’m a blunt person. I never lied. I said I complain daily and that’s after he asks how my day went. I had a tough week the other week and was super emotional and lost it. Pregnancy has made me super emotional. It’s very foreign because I was someone who never cried in like a decade.

I love my job. It’s very tough but someone has to do these jobs. I’m a pa in an oncology practice. It’s very hard at times but I’m a nurturer. I have always been drawn to help others. I’ve been in the same job for 8 years and love it. I never used to complain but pregnancy has made me a super emotional person.

I have an awesome husband and I’m super lucky for him. He treats me so well and I treat him just as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People like you are exhausting. I can already predict you're going to be a martyr mom. No one wants to listen to you constantly complain about something and do nothing to change the situation. Either quit or find a therapist to help you deal with your issues. You'll start to kill your marriage if you just become a whiny, complaining martyr.

I don’t know what that is but I assure you I will be a great mom. I’m a great wife and my husband tells me that often.

I don’t sit there and complain constantly. I will say how my day sucked after he asks me about my day. That’s the extent of complaining.

Yeah no offense but neither of you can really evaluate how the other is as a spouse if you don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey everyone. My husband and I talked. We had a good heart to heart conversation. We are fine. I will continue to work until I can’t.

I’m a blunt person. I never lied. I said I complain daily and that’s after he asks how my day went. I had a tough week the other week and was super emotional and lost it. Pregnancy has made me super emotional. It’s very foreign because I was someone who never cried in like a decade.

I love my job. It’s very tough but someone has to do these jobs. I’m a pa in an oncology practice. It’s very hard at times but I’m a nurturer. I have always been drawn to help others. I’ve been in the same job for 8 years and love it. I never used to complain but pregnancy has made me a super emotional person.

I have an awesome husband and I’m super lucky for him. He treats me so well and I treat him just as well.

I'm glad it went well. Being straightforward is the right call.

I had some PPA and for me it started before my sin was born and I took those scary intrusive thoughts and shoved them to the back of my brain and didn't feel comfortable voicing them. Then I ended up having a panic attack after my kid was born. In hindsight I think being more open with my spouse and my doctor about my anxieties would have helped.