My husband died from alcoholism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

I am a PP alcoholic drinking 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Sometimes I drank much, much more at parties. I didn’t have any DUIs, have a perfect driving record, have the same job I’ve had for 15 years, high performer at top of my field still. I still publish.

Many alcoholics drink as stress relief, because they are type A overachievers. I was just as good at hiding my alcoholism as I was good at everything else I have ever done. Even now no one in my real life knows how bad it was. I am glad AF is becoming popular with the younger set, it just makes me look cool now to be drinking kombucha instead of alcohol.

The trope of what alcoholism looks like is just a trope. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of success.

how did you function every day when hungover?

Alcoholics need alcohol to function.

It does not affect them like non-alcoholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

I am a PP alcoholic drinking 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Sometimes I drank much, much more at parties. I didn’t have any DUIs, have a perfect driving record, have the same job I’ve had for 15 years, high performer at top of my field still. I still publish.

Many alcoholics drink as stress relief, because they are type A overachievers. I was just as good at hiding my alcoholism as I was good at everything else I have ever done. Even now no one in my real life knows how bad it was. I am glad AF is becoming popular with the younger set, it just makes me look cool now to be drinking kombucha instead of alcohol.

The trope of what alcoholism looks like is just a trope. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of success.

how did you function every day when hungover?

I'm an NP. Eventually your body just tolerates the alcohol. I did not have terrible hangovers at the end of my drinking, which was 2 + bottles of wine plus hard liquor. I functioned just fine until the last year when drinking took precedence over pretty much everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a "ridiculous amount'?

Not tying to take from your story, but without a defined quantity, I feel like these posts are just troll attempts to scare the wine mommies who drink a bottle every night.

That isn't ideal but it's unlikely to kill you

Unless he had Hepatitis or other liver damage, a healthy man would need to drink something like 20 drinks a day for decades for it to kill him. This doesn't happen to Joe 6 pack.

NP. Just be glad you’ve never seen this kind of acute alcoholism up close. Something very similar happened with my friend’s boyfriend. He’s still alive but somehow plunges so suddenly into extreme addiction that he has to be medically detoxed. This repeated several times after years of apparent sobriety. And yes the amount he was drinking was immense, not a bottle of wine. (a bottle of wine is a lot tho.)

I did see it and live it up close. My father was a daily beer drinker. From the moment he got off work until the time he went to bed, there was a beer in his hand. He'd buy 15-20 cases at a time and dtack them in the garage next to the beer fridge.

He managed a very successfull business, went to law school at 40, practiced law, made a lot of money, coached a bunch of mew and my brothers baseball teams, never abused me our our mom, never wrecked a car or got a DUI, etc. But he was most certainly an alcoholic who drank 10ish beers a day, everyday, for decades. He died of Alzheimers at 84.

84 is pretty good for an alcoholic. Imagine how long he would have lived if he hadn't drank

[Anonymous]

I knew a guy from high school who died at 32 from a combination of alcohol and vicodin addiction. It was absolutely awful. He'd been to rehab multiple times, hospitalized multiple times, people really did try to help him. You can't blame yourself for any of it, addiction is really complicated and hard to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

I am a PP alcoholic drinking 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Sometimes I drank much, much more at parties. I didn’t have any DUIs, have a perfect driving record, have the same job I’ve had for 15 years, high performer at top of my field still. I still publish.

Many alcoholics drink as stress relief, because they are type A overachievers. I was just as good at hiding my alcoholism as I was good at everything else I have ever done. Even now no one in my real life knows how bad it was. I am glad AF is becoming popular with the younger set, it just makes me look cool now to be drinking kombucha instead of alcohol.

The trope of what alcoholism looks like is just a trope. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of success.

how did you function every day when hungover?

I didn’t really get hangovers like most people seem to. I think once you drink in a pattern long enough your body settles into a rhythm and you don’t get that kind of hangover. I was a bit tired at times in the morning but what mom isn’t? I could easily drink 3 bottles of wine and then present in front of the Board of Directors or a crowd of 500 the next day without feeling it at all. It was the norm. Then I would drink as a reward from all the stress of the big presentation and do it all again the next day. I’m a top performer at work.

It sounds like OP’s husband was very similar. OP, my heart goes out to it to you and just know your story makes me continue to never want to drink again.

You and others like you sharing your stories keep me sober and alive. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your loss op. This happened to my step grandfather when he was 50 years old.

[Anonymous]

OP, thank you for reaching out to all who are here to read. I am sorry for your family's loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's very rare, OP. Most alcoholics develop serious symptoms before they die, and their families' lives are conflict-ridden and stressful for years. In some ways, you're lucky this ended the way it did, with minimal involvement on your part and no witnessing of abuse and strife by your children. You couldn't have saved him anyway.

Yes I have a severe alcoholic in my family. He chokes on his vomit, goes in and out of the ER. It’s awful.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s a terrible disease.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

But just know, it doesn't matter if you had known. Unless an alcoholic wants help and acknowledges that they have a problem, anything you do is useless. they have to want it. They have to want the help.

Watching someone kill themselves with alcohol is painful. I have an alcoholic sibling who doesn't acknowledge that they have a problem despite multiple DUIs, stints in jail, court ordered rehabs, etc.

I hope you find peace and do not beat yourself up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sorry for you and your children's loss.

You don’t mention the usual crashed cars, lost jobs, lost friends, blackout apologies and mortifying moments that most of us think of when it comes to alcoholism. I think of how much someone would have to drink to wreck ther internal organs and I can’t put it together with what you’re telling us.
Was he otherwise fully functioning?

I am a PP alcoholic drinking 2-3 bottles of wine every day. Sometimes I drank much, much more at parties. I didn’t have any DUIs, have a perfect driving record, have the same job I’ve had for 15 years, high performer at top of my field still. I still publish.

Many alcoholics drink as stress relief, because they are type A overachievers. I was just as good at hiding my alcoholism as I was good at everything else I have ever done. Even now no one in my real life knows how bad it was. I am glad AF is becoming popular with the younger set, it just makes me look cool now to be drinking kombucha instead of alcohol.

The trope of what alcoholism looks like is just a trope. Alcoholism comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of success.

how did you function every day when hungover?

My alcoholic sibling doesn't get hungover. Their body is so used to the alcohol that they get sick if they don't drink. They can't function without drinking. The times when they've been arrested and sent to jail, they get sent to the hospital for alcohol withdrawal, which can be deadly.

[Anonymous]

I want to post on here about naltrexone. I had tried to quit for years, but the cravings were really hard to deal with. Taking Naltrexone really took the edge off of all cravings. It really made it easy to quit. Even after I stopped taking it daily, I can still take one if I'm feeling a bad craving. I feel like no one told me there were drugs that could help and doctors also had no clue about it, so I want to make sure others know that there are tools to help.

Also, regarding hangovers- I never get hungover. I really never have. I rarely drink wine though because I didn't like the headaches, but I had no issues with liquor.

[Anonymous]

Op: nobody has mentioned widowhood without alcoholism. I was widowed and I think, regardless of the alcohol alcoholism quotient you need to think about that part. If you go to counseling right now you’re dealing with the immediate after effects of this situation. Please don’t be surprised if you need to revisit going to therapy after a break that’s a year from now or 18 months or two years. I want to also thank you for starting this thread. I’ve been trying to quit since 2019 and I can’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's very rare, OP. Most alcoholics develop serious symptoms before they die, and their families' lives are conflict-ridden and stressful for years. In some ways, you're lucky this ended the way it did, with minimal involvement on your part and no witnessing of abuse and strife by your children. You couldn't have saved him anyway.

+1 I’m so sorry, op, for you and your kids.

My neighbor’s journey through end stage alcoholism with her then ex husband was what pp writes above. Long, drawn out, in and out of hospitals, dialysis, etc. although they were divorced, her kids were still his kids and she took on a significant load for caring for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to post on here about naltrexone. I had tried to quit for years, but the cravings were really hard to deal with. Taking Naltrexone really took the edge off of all cravings. It really made it easy to quit. Even after I stopped taking it daily, I can still take one if I'm feeling a bad craving. I feel like no one told me there were drugs that could help and doctors also had no clue about it, so I want to make sure others know that there are tools to help.

Also, regarding hangovers- I never get hungover. I really never have. I rarely drink wine though because I didn't like the headaches, but I had no issues with liquor.

Naltrexone did nothing for me. It didn't slow me down at all. I had hoped it would be the magic pill that would work. I'm glad to hear it worked for you. The only thing that ultimately worked for me was AA.

[Anonymous]

Everyone (and of course OP) posting personal stories- thank you. You don’t have to and it matters.