Sleeping in Separate Beds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm your husband. My love language is cuddles. Frankly it's the only thing that keeps me going. I would spiral into severe anxiety if I couldn't have physical contact and affection, particularly at night.

I would tread carefully here, OP. He might get his needs fulfilled elsewhere. I would strongly consider this if my husband wasn't willing and able to cuddle me all night long.

You understand this is HIGHLY problematic and are seeking professional help right? Using some one as a human security blanket and immediately planning to cheat if their needs interfered with your “need” to be soothed all night long is not grown up behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

I did not write the above. I"m a man.
I will only date women who could write something like that. After almost a decade together, my ex wife asked me to sleep in the guest room. Her request coincided with a big reduction in her sex drive. Yes, I snore, but most women I've met since divorce can deal with it. I use an anti-snoring mouth guard, which is good enough for most women but not my ex wife. Separate bedrooms may have destroyed my marriage. Yes, she needed to sleep, but she stopped prioritizing us as a couple and the change in sleeping arrangements was part of a big change in her priorities.

[Anonymous]

We sleep apart. Saved our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm your husband. My love language is cuddles. Frankly it's the only thing that keeps me going. I would spiral into severe anxiety if I couldn't have physical contact and affection, particularly at night.

I would tread carefully here, OP. He might get his needs fulfilled elsewhere. I would strongly consider this if my husband wasn't willing and able to cuddle me all night long.

You understand this is HIGHLY problematic and are seeking professional help right? Using some one as a human security blanket and immediately planning to cheat if their needs interfered with your “need” to be soothed all night long is not grown up behavior.

Yes, the "I would spiral into severe anxiety" is giving predatory/covert abuser vibes. Let me guess, whenever that "anxiety" gets "spiraled" he "cant control his moods" and starts getting grumpy/moody/possibly extremely argumentative or even violent? Men like this are so predatory and put so much pressure on their wives and drain the life out of her, blaming her for every little bad mood or disappointment. It's really sad they give their wife the task of regulating their mood rather than just getting therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

I did not write the above. I"m a man.
I will only date women who could write something like that. After almost a decade together, my ex wife asked me to sleep in the guest room. Her request coincided with a big reduction in her sex drive. Yes, I snore, but most women I've met since divorce can deal with it. I use an anti-snoring mouth guard, which is good enough for most women but not my ex wife. Separate bedrooms may have destroyed my marriage. Yes, she needed to sleep, but she stopped prioritizing us as a couple and the change in sleeping arrangements was part of a big change in her priorities.

the women can just "deal with it", lol. No consideration for their sleep, no desire to change or really empathize, just a blanket expectation that women put up with your BS, no matter how much it may affect their own health. You destroyed your own marriage with your entitlement, when you could have simply allowed your wife some space so she could REST.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm your husband. My love language is cuddles. Frankly it's the only thing that keeps me going. I would spiral into severe anxiety if I couldn't have physical contact and affection, particularly at night.

I would tread carefully here, OP. He might get his needs fulfilled elsewhere. I would strongly consider this if my husband wasn't willing and able to cuddle me all night long.

You understand this is HIGHLY problematic and are seeking professional help right? Using some one as a human security blanket and immediately planning to cheat if their needs interfered with your “need” to be soothed all night long is not grown up behavior.

Yes, the "I would spiral into severe anxiety" is giving predatory/covert abuser vibes. Let me guess, whenever that "anxiety" gets "spiraled" he "cant control his moods" and starts getting grumpy/moody/possibly extremely argumentative or even violent? Men like this are so predatory and put so much pressure on their wives and drain the life out of her, blaming her for every little bad mood or disappointment. It's really sad they give their wife the task of regulating their mood rather than just getting therapy.

Pretty sure that PP is a woman.

[Anonymous]

It's really not just the sleeping. I don't want to share a bathroom either. I am not interested in knowing when my DH is on the toilet bc I am in bed reading or something. TBH I think it has been better for the sex life, not worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

I did not write the above. I"m a man.
I will only date women who could write something like that. After almost a decade together, my ex wife asked me to sleep in the guest room. Her request coincided with a big reduction in her sex drive. Yes, I snore, but most women I've met since divorce can deal with it. I use an anti-snoring mouth guard, which is good enough for most women but not my ex wife. Separate bedrooms may have destroyed my marriage. Yes, she needed to sleep, but she stopped prioritizing us as a couple and the change in sleeping arrangements was part of a big change in her priorities.

I don’t think you understand how important sleep is …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

I did not write the above. I"m a man.
I will only date women who could write something like that. After almost a decade together, my ex wife asked me to sleep in the guest room. Her request coincided with a big reduction in her sex drive. Yes, I snore, but most women I've met since divorce can deal with it. I use an anti-snoring mouth guard, which is good enough for most women but not my ex wife. Separate bedrooms may have destroyed my marriage. Yes, she needed to sleep, but she stopped prioritizing us as a couple and the change in sleeping arrangements was part of a big change in her priorities.

the women can just "deal with it", lol. No consideration for their sleep, no desire to change or really empathize, just a blanket expectation that women put up with your BS, no matter how much it may affect their own health. You destroyed your own marriage with your entitlement, when you could have simply allowed your wife some space so she could REST.

Well said. If you cannot see the need to find out a way to meet in the middle when there are two important but conflicting needs, that’s a you problem.

In my case, I found immense relief when I finally started sleeping in the guest bedroom. I was overwhelmed with exhaustion with a newborn and then constantly sick toddler/preschooler. I managed xDH’s snoring and kicking for a while but it became too much. If he had recognized and even cared about my need for rest, then our whole relationship might not have unraveled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm your husband. My love language is cuddles. Frankly it's the only thing that keeps me going. I would spiral into severe anxiety if I couldn't have physical contact and affection, particularly at night.

I would tread carefully here, OP. He might get his needs fulfilled elsewhere. I would strongly consider this if my husband wasn't willing and able to cuddle me all night long.

You don’t really literally mean you need to be cuddled all night long, right? That’s nightmarish.

Yes that's nightmarish! Perimenopause will solve any issue with wanting to be touched constantly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

I did not write the above. I"m a man.
I will only date women who could write something like that. After almost a decade together, my ex wife asked me to sleep in the guest room. Her request coincided with a big reduction in her sex drive. Yes, I snore, but most women I've met since divorce can deal with it. I use an anti-snoring mouth guard, which is good enough for most women but not my ex wife. Separate bedrooms may have destroyed my marriage. Yes, she needed to sleep, but she stopped prioritizing us as a couple and the change in sleeping arrangements was part of a big change in her priorities.

the women can just "deal with it", lol. No consideration for their sleep, no desire to change or really empathize, just a blanket expectation that women put up with your BS, no matter how much it may affect their own health. You destroyed your own marriage with your entitlement, when you could have simply allowed your wife some space so she could REST.

Well said. If you cannot see the need to find out a way to meet in the middle when there are two important but conflicting needs, that’s a you problem.

In my case, I found immense relief when I finally started sleeping in the guest bedroom. I was overwhelmed with exhaustion with a newborn and then constantly sick toddler/preschooler. I managed xDH’s snoring and kicking for a while but it became too much. If he had recognized and even cared about my need for rest, then our whole relationship might not have unraveled.

I'm one of the men who said ex wife messed up our marriage by sending me to the guest room. My ex wife did not compromise much. She didn't try to compensate for the abrupt coldness by doing other things to stay close. She figured she could treat me like an unwelcome house guest indefinitely. She couldn't.

That said, if snoring is going to be a deal breaker, and it will be for some people, they should say so before they've been married for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

I did not write the above. I"m a man.
I will only date women who could write something like that. After almost a decade together, my ex wife asked me to sleep in the guest room. Her request coincided with a big reduction in her sex drive. Yes, I snore, but most women I've met since divorce can deal with it. I use an anti-snoring mouth guard, which is good enough for most women but not my ex wife. Separate bedrooms may have destroyed my marriage. Yes, she needed to sleep, but she stopped prioritizing us as a couple and the change in sleeping arrangements was part of a big change in her priorities.

the women can just "deal with it", lol. No consideration for their sleep, no desire to change or really empathize, just a blanket expectation that women put up with your BS, no matter how much it may affect their own health. You destroyed your own marriage with your entitlement, when you could have simply allowed your wife some space so she could REST.

Well said. If you cannot see the need to find out a way to meet in the middle when there are two important but conflicting needs, that’s a you problem.

In my case, I found immense relief when I finally started sleeping in the guest bedroom. I was overwhelmed with exhaustion with a newborn and then constantly sick toddler/preschooler. I managed xDH’s snoring and kicking for a while but it became too much. If he had recognized and even cared about my need for rest, then our whole relationship might not have unraveled.

I'm one of the men who said ex wife messed up our marriage by sending me to the guest room. My ex wife did not compromise much. She didn't try to compensate for the abrupt coldness by doing other things to stay close. She figured she could treat me like an unwelcome house guest indefinitely. She couldn't.

That said, if snoring is going to be a deal breaker, and it will be for some people, they should say so before they've been married for years.

Sounds like you thought you could bully her into being intimate with you whenever you wanted, to the detriment of your own health. And you found out that you couldnt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

I did not write the above. I"m a man.
I will only date women who could write something like that. After almost a decade together, my ex wife asked me to sleep in the guest room. Her request coincided with a big reduction in her sex drive. Yes, I snore, but most women I've met since divorce can deal with it. I use an anti-snoring mouth guard, which is good enough for most women but not my ex wife. Separate bedrooms may have destroyed my marriage. Yes, she needed to sleep, but she stopped prioritizing us as a couple and the change in sleeping arrangements was part of a big change in her priorities.

It’s not - I wrote it (wife here)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

I did not write the above. I"m a man.
I will only date women who could write something like that. After almost a decade together, my ex wife asked me to sleep in the guest room. Her request coincided with a big reduction in her sex drive. Yes, I snore, but most women I've met since divorce can deal with it. I use an anti-snoring mouth guard, which is good enough for most women but not my ex wife. Separate bedrooms may have destroyed my marriage. Yes, she needed to sleep, but she stopped prioritizing us as a couple and the change in sleeping arrangements was part of a big change in her priorities.

the women can just "deal with it", lol. No consideration for their sleep, no desire to change or really empathize, just a blanket expectation that women put up with your BS, no matter how much it may affect their own health. You destroyed your own marriage with your entitlement, when you could have simply allowed your wife some space so she could REST.

Well said. If you cannot see the need to find out a way to meet in the middle when there are two important but conflicting needs, that’s a you problem.

In my case, I found immense relief when I finally started sleeping in the guest bedroom. I was overwhelmed with exhaustion with a newborn and then constantly sick toddler/preschooler. I managed xDH’s snoring and kicking for a while but it became too much. If he had recognized and even cared about my need for rest, then our whole relationship might not have unraveled.

I'm one of the men who said ex wife messed up our marriage by sending me to the guest room. My ex wife did not compromise much. She didn't try to compensate for the abrupt coldness by doing other things to stay close. She figured she could treat me like an unwelcome house guest indefinitely. She couldn't.

That said, if snoring is going to be a deal breaker, and it will be for some people, they should say so before they've been married for years.

Sounds like you thought you could bully her into being intimate with you whenever you wanted, to the detriment of your own health. And you found out that you couldnt

Nope. Not what happened. I'm not a bully and I didn't pressure her to do anything. Women understand that when men treat them as unimportant, women may become distant. The same is true when women treat men as unimportant. That shouldn't come as a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex does not matter in a marriage.

Glad I'm not married to you.

+1