Sleeping in Separate Beds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BF snores and won't see a doctor. I end up in the guest room or on the sofa and he gets upset that I didn't wake him up to move but when I do he gets sassy and argues that he wasn't even asleep. I wish he would just sleep at his own house but would be so upset if I suggest it. LOL

Don't marry this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband snores like a freight train, which made a sleep divorce inevitable. We're overextended and can't handle lots of interrupted sleep, so we agreed it was necessary. We both miss the cuddling and emotional intimacy piece, and have to be mindful to address that in other ways. Until there's a cure for snoring, not much else we can do. (DH can't handle sleeping with a CPAP).

Same. Could have written this post.

Me as well. It’s not his fault - he’s healthy and active, he just sleeps on his back and snores like a freight train. Tried the CPAP, but pulls it off his face while asleep (and unconscious). He’s a good person and feels guilty that I have to choose between disrupted sleep or medicating myself, so he often sleeps in the guest room, particularly if I’m extra tired or have a big day coming up. It is what it is. I’m too old to sacrifice my wellbeing for night time bonding, and after 25 years of marriage we can handle it. And him choosing to move to the less comfortable bed (yes we need a new one) is a sign of a HEALTHY marriage. He’s putting my needs above his own and anticipating my needs without me having to ask him.

[Anonymous]

Separate beds = dead sex life, common wisdom suggests.

In the vast majority of cases, common wisdom is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as the DW initiates the move it will be fine. But if any DH dates entertain this idea good luck!

Someone told me that at some point in time couples used to sleep in separate bed not sure if that's true. We need to normalize that again. Nothing is better than sleeping in your own bed and it has nothing to do with the love you have for your spouse.

Exactly. I dont even get how it's a debate. It's just objectively better to be in your own better, able to roll over, toss and turn, wake up to guzzle water, read some of your book if you cant sleep, etc.

It's clearly better for you; that's fine. It's better for us to sleep together. Also fine. I think almost everyone agrees that if both spouses agree, then either approach is fine. The problem is when a couple has different preferences. Is that so hard to understand?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

I did not write the above. I"m a man.
I will only date women who could write something like that. After almost a decade together, my ex wife asked me to sleep in the guest room. Her request coincided with a big reduction in her sex drive. Yes, I snore, but most women I've met since divorce can deal with it. I use an anti-snoring mouth guard, which is good enough for most women but not my ex wife. Separate bedrooms may have destroyed my marriage. Yes, she needed to sleep, but she stopped prioritizing us as a couple and the change in sleeping arrangements was part of a big change in her priorities.

What is your weight/body fat percentage?

I don't know. I'm definitely somewhat overweight. Some women don't find me attractive but quite a few do. I basically look like a former football player. Losing weight reduces snoring a little. The mouth guard reduced it more.

This sounds like a lot of man mumbo jumbo justification for "I'm extremely fat". A lot of these football players would be obese by any standard, and they need to be in order to be able to run into other 300 lb men on the football field. But it has about the same sexual appeal (to women) as a sumo wrestler. No one finds that attractive, and if it's literally causing you to snore and have issues breathing... it's bad.

Maybe that's how my ex felt about me.

Now she's with a guy who's thinner than I am but ten years older than I am and dumb. I don't know about his snoring. I'm with a woman who's ten years younger than she is and smart, and also better looking. She also sleeps through my snoring.

That's not the ending I wanted when I married my ex.

Probably. Being with a fat man who cant control himself foodwise and is deeply selfish to the point of throwing a tantrum when his partner wants to get a full night of rest is a definite turn off.

That PP is a truly awful human being too, bragging that his new gf is younger and better looking than his wife was. I just feel bad that the wife put up with him for 10 years before she saw the light. I honestly can’t even imagine staying with someone for a single day who thought that torturing me with a lack of sleep was a good idea because he prefers to stay fat. And then thinks of himself as a professional athlete. I can’t even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separate beds = dead sex life, common wisdom suggests.

In the vast majority of cases, common wisdom is right.

Except that multiple people have told you that your "common wisdom" is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate beds = dead sex life, common wisdom suggests.

In the vast majority of cases, common wisdom is right.

Except that multiple people have told you that your "common wisdom" is wrong.

No, a few weirdos on DCUMAD have made that unverified claim.

And I suspect most of them are one single, unhinged, bitter woman who posts over and over here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separate beds = dead sex life, common wisdom suggests.

In the vast majority of cases, common wisdom is right.

It’s not the first step to a failed marriage.

But it’s definitely on the path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate beds = dead sex life, common wisdom suggests.

In the vast majority of cases, common wisdom is right.

It’s not the first step to a failed marriage.

But it’s definitely on the path.

Hmmm .. This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

I did not write the above. I"m a man.
I will only date women who could write something like that. After almost a decade together, my ex wife asked me to sleep in the guest room. Her request coincided with a big reduction in her sex drive. Yes, I snore, but most women I've met since divorce can deal with it. I use an anti-snoring mouth guard, which is good enough for most women but not my ex wife. Separate bedrooms may have destroyed my marriage. Yes, she needed to sleep, but she stopped prioritizing us as a couple and the change in sleeping arrangements was part of a big change in her priorities.

What is your weight/body fat percentage?

I don't know. I'm definitely somewhat overweight. Some women don't find me attractive but quite a few do. I basically look like a former football player. Losing weight reduces snoring a little. The mouth guard reduced it more.

This sounds like a lot of man mumbo jumbo justification for "I'm extremely fat". A lot of these football players would be obese by any standard, and they need to be in order to be able to run into other 300 lb men on the football field. But it has about the same sexual appeal (to women) as a sumo wrestler. No one finds that attractive, and if it's literally causing you to snore and have issues breathing... it's bad.

Maybe that's how my ex felt about me.

Now she's with a guy who's thinner than I am but ten years older than I am and dumb. I don't know about his snoring. I'm with a woman who's ten years younger than she is and smart, and also better looking. She also sleeps through my snoring.

That's not the ending I wanted when I married my ex.

Probably. Being with a fat man who cant control himself foodwise and is deeply selfish to the point of throwing a tantrum when his partner wants to get a full night of rest is a definite turn off.

That PP is a truly awful human being too, bragging that his new gf is younger and better looking than his wife was. I just feel bad that the wife put up with him for 10 years before she saw the light. I honestly can’t even imagine staying with someone for a single day who thought that torturing me with a lack of sleep was a good idea because he prefers to stay fat. And then thinks of himself as a professional athlete. I can’t even.

I left her. She didn't leave me. It as a sad day. She wept for days when I left, but I was sad too. I have no desire to torture anyone but I also have no desire to be treated like my happiness is irrelevant. She had no interest in marriage counseling, but we went to multiple counselors, all of who found her to be selfish. Who knows? Maybe she's on here, though I doubt it.

I don't think husbands should torture their wives with sleep deprivation, but if a wife is going to send her husband to the sofa or guest room, she should do other things to compensate instead of making him feel like a an afterthought. Women who don't understand this are putting their marriages at risk. You can call me an awful human being if you want, but you don't sound so wonderful yourself, and my current partner does not agree with you. Even my ex wife does not agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Separate beds = dead sex life, common wisdom suggests.

In the vast majority of cases, common wisdom is right.

It’s not the first step to a failed marriage.

But it’s definitely on the path.

LOL. We have teenagers who are always awake. Sex is not happening at 9pm, but rather during the school day when they are out of the house usually. Not everyone relies on their sleeping arrangement to dictate their sex life.

[Anonymous]

My ex and I would have sexy time in the guest room and then I'd go back to my room to sleep. We did this because he snores and it kept me awake. I'd set the alarm early and go back down there every morning. He's my ex for other reasons - we were both fine with this arrangement.

[Anonymous]

I sleep better alone. DH is sick right now and there are nice things about it. Except I genuinely miss him, so I do prefer to sleep together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We sleep separately and I find it hard. I miss falling asleep in DH arms or waking up to some morning adult time.

This feels like it was written by a husband

Feels like my wife wrote it.

[Anonymous]

Why is the man usually the snorer? My with gained about 60 pounds as well as a snoring habit.