Divorced with kids and GF wants to spend more time together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are the single childress never married men in their 30s?

Men in their 30s have highest suicide rate, chronic unemployment/underemployment, mental illness, failure to launch, and drugs/alcohol abuse.

It is not a coincidence that women in their 30s are chronically single. There aren't enough men in their age group. So they keep waiting and waiting and waiting. As they get closer to 40, they go for option #2 divorced men in their 40s.

All the good men in their 30s are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

As a mom of a young adult child I disagree that parents always have to introduce the new partners after 8 months. I would only do that if I considered cohabitating or marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

As a mom of a young adult child I disagree that parents always have to introduce the new partners after 8 months. I would only do that if I considered cohabitating or marriage

Not snarky, but serious question. If your kid doesnt see you in healthy romantic relationships, how do they know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like? Assuming that your relationship w their other parent was incredibly unhealthy or you wouldnt have divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

As a mom of a young adult child I disagree that parents always have to introduce the new partners after 8 months. I would only do that if I considered cohabitating or marriage

Not snarky, but serious question. If your kid doesnt see you in healthy romantic relationships, how do they know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like? Assuming that your relationship w their other parent was incredibly unhealthy or you wouldnt have divorced.

I had a happy marriage for the most part. Travelled a lot as family, home parties for our child, dates. It didn’t stop my exH to go crazy on midlife .
But I don’t see my child being exposed to a line of boyfriends would be helpful for them emotionally. Particular since we won’t cohabitate and maybe just have some TV time together once in a while . My child doesn’t want anyone they need calm and parent available to them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

As a mom of a young adult child I disagree that parents always have to introduce the new partners after 8 months. I would only do that if I considered cohabitating or marriage

Not snarky, but serious question. If your kid doesnt see you in healthy romantic relationships, how do they know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like? Assuming that your relationship w their other parent was incredibly unhealthy or you wouldnt have divorced.

I had a happy marriage for the most part. Travelled a lot as family, home parties for our child, dates. It didn’t stop my exH to go crazy on midlife .
But I don’t see my child being exposed to a line of boyfriends would be helpful for them emotionally. Particular since we won’t cohabitate and maybe just have some TV time together once in a while . My child doesn’t want anyone they need calm and parent available to them

Thats a valid choice for your family. OP however said that he wanted to introduce this woman to his kid after the 12-month mark. So that isn’t the decision he is making for his family. Given that, and the ages of his kids, why should he wait 4 more months, esp if he has already told his kids about them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

She knew his age. She knew he had kids. So what is she still dating him after 8 months? Why is she still asking to spend more time with him?

She is grown 36 years old woman. She is not a 20-something woman. Going into this relationship she knew his situation.

You are telling me that there are 30+ women are there who don't know that a dad is going to prioritize time with his kids. Come on now lol.

I am the poster who is late forties who has dated divorced dads, almost all of whom have fifty fifty custody. IME, when they don't have custody, they don't spend time with their kids and can prioritize you. The fact that he is doing child care on his non custody days is kind of sucky from a dating perspective. I don't think this guy is a good catch for a 36 year old who wants a serious relationship. He does not have enough time for her.

Its not child care. They are teenagers and he is spending time with them, going to their games, etc.

+1
He is maintaining and building a relationship with them that will last the rest of their lives. Nothing more important than this.

[Anonymous]

Honestly nope you shouldn't be dating or at least be honest that you're only looking for sex and maybe. occasional dinner

You can't be on the apps pretending like you are looking for something serious when you aren't.

You're on here wanting bum pats for doing your job as a dad
You don't have a dilemma you date women in your situation. Who are into something casual.

But you don't want women your age.

You want to younger women to sex and you get that by pretending you want something serious.

Serious relationships take time and getting to know someone and you don't want to do that.
Which is fine. But don't pretend you're some upstanding fellow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

As a mom of a young adult child I disagree that parents always have to introduce the new partners after 8 months. I would only do that if I considered cohabitating or marriage

Not snarky, but serious question. If your kid doesnt see you in healthy romantic relationships, how do they know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like? Assuming that your relationship w their other parent was incredibly unhealthy or you wouldnt have divorced.

I had a happy marriage for the most part. Travelled a lot as family, home parties for our child, dates. It didn’t stop my exH to go crazy on midlife .
But I don’t see my child being exposed to a line of boyfriends would be helpful for them emotionally. Particular since we won’t cohabitate and maybe just have some TV time together once in a while . My child doesn’t want anyone they need calm and parent available to them

Thats a valid choice for your family. OP however said that he wanted to introduce this woman to his kid after the 12-month mark. So that isn’t the decision he is making for his family. Given that, and the ages of his kids, why should he wait 4 more months, esp if he has already told his kids about them?

Because op is not serious about this woman and has no intention of being serious with her.

Op is extremely manipulative and says the right thing so he doesn't get called out on his BS. .

[Anonymous]

You need to break up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

PP said you had a lot of assumptions about their relationship. I think you proved them true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

As a mom of a young adult child I disagree that parents always have to introduce the new partners after 8 months. I would only do that if I considered cohabitating or marriage

Not snarky, but serious question. If your kid doesnt see you in healthy romantic relationships, how do they know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like? Assuming that your relationship w their other parent was incredibly unhealthy or you wouldnt have divorced.

Through their other parent, their grandparents, aunts and uncles, and families of their friends.

"Show them a healthy relationship" is so often the rationale to justify foisting a new person into children's lives. But unfortunately, what's often shown is just another bad relationship. Not everyone who thinks they have a healthy relationship actually has one.

[Anonymous]

What is your GF’s solution to this problem? Where does she think the extra time to
hang out will come from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

As a mom of a young adult child I disagree that parents always have to introduce the new partners after 8 months. I would only do that if I considered cohabitating or marriage

Not snarky, but serious question. If your kid doesnt see you in healthy romantic relationships, how do they know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like? Assuming that your relationship w their other parent was incredibly unhealthy or you wouldnt have divorced.

I had a happy marriage for the most part. Travelled a lot as family, home parties for our child, dates. It didn’t stop my exH to go crazy on midlife .
But I don’t see my child being exposed to a line of boyfriends would be helpful for them emotionally. Particular since we won’t cohabitate and maybe just have some TV time together once in a while . My child doesn’t want anyone they need calm and parent available to them

Thats a valid choice for your family. OP however said that he wanted to introduce this woman to his kid after the 12-month mark. So that isn’t the decision he is making for his family. Given that, and the ages of his kids, why should he wait 4 more months, esp if he has already told his kids about them?

He should wait for 4 months because he decided a year, not 8 months was appropriate. We can all draw our judgments somewhere.

[Anonymous]

What is motivating your children’s athletic participation? Was this a contentious part of your relationship with their mother? What are her reasons for not taking them to their athletic activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

As a mom of a young adult child I disagree that parents always have to introduce the new partners after 8 months. I would only do that if I considered cohabitating or marriage

Not snarky, but serious question. If your kid doesnt see you in healthy romantic relationships, how do they know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like? Assuming that your relationship w their other parent was incredibly unhealthy or you wouldnt have divorced.

I had a happy marriage for the most part. Travelled a lot as family, home parties for our child, dates. It didn’t stop my exH to go crazy on midlife .
But I don’t see my child being exposed to a line of boyfriends would be helpful for them emotionally. Particular since we won’t cohabitate and maybe just have some TV time together once in a while . My child doesn’t want anyone they need calm and parent available to them

Thats a valid choice for your family. OP however said that he wanted to introduce this woman to his kid after the 12-month mark. So that isn’t the decision he is making for his family. Given that, and the ages of his kids, why should he wait 4 more months, esp if he has already told his kids about them?

Because 12 mos is more likely to amount to a durable relationship than 8, 6 or 4 months? Yes, 12 is an arbitrary cut off, but what I say is true.