Divorced with kids and GF wants to spend more time together

[Anonymous]

I have been in a serious relationship with my gf for 8 months now. She is great. However I feel bad that I don't get to spend time with her as much as she would want to. We have a 5-2-5-2 schedule with my ex wife. In theory on the weeks I have my kids only twice I should be able to see her more often. Unfortunately both my kids are athletes and have quite a few extracurricular activities as well that I need to them to even on the days I don't have them. And with my son we have to fly at least once a month for his completions. My ex wife will not take them to their activities even on the days she has them. If I don't do it nobody will and thats a shame. Even when we were married that was the dynamics she is the version of men that women complain about here.

My girlfriend is understanding, but I can feel her disappointment as she has even expressed that she wants to see me more. She was single for 2 years before we met. She doesn't want kids of her own and that's why I really want to make this relationship work. We talk every night text throughout the day but she wants more of that physical contact. And I have a demanding job as well. I am a consulting actuary and work long hours and travel as well.

Some days I wish she could just broke up with me because I feel like she deserves someone who has more free time especially at her age. She is only 36 and I am 46.

Any divorced man or woman in a similar situation? How did it work in the long term?

I can't do the FWB thing sorry. Having a long term relationship with someone just for sex that's for other people. I am not judging anyone. To each his or her own. If that's the only option I have as a divorced person then I'll just stay single.

[Anonymous]

She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn’t 100% support you in putting your kids first, then she is not for you.

[Anonymous]

Try dating someone in your own generation who is also divorced and with kids part-time.

[Anonymous]

I feel this could work out fine, your kids will get older and not need you as much. If you are both okay with the current arrangement, I don't see the issue.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, gotta agree that the kids come first.
It seems, though, that if you're flying to places for tournaments that they aren't that young at all. So, maybe 3-5 years before they are out of the nest and off to college?
Can she wait that long for more time with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

+1
She shouldn’t be dating dads.

[Anonymous]

I have always argued that dating post divorce is much harder for men than women. I am not saying that divorced men don't come across men who want more time with them if time is an issue. I do think compared to divorced men they are more likely to have BFs who understand that they don't have enough time to devote to them. There are outliers of course but in general I think that's the case.

[Anonymous]

Kids come first. So, she has two options--jump into your life with them (eg come to the activities with you) and be a part of your life as a dad or accept that she will see you when you can see her. If she is not willing to do either of those things, it's time to move on. Just be honest with her and let her decide what is best for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

She knew his age. She knew he had kids. So what is she still dating him after 8 months? Why is she still asking to spend more time with him?

She is grown 36 years old woman. She is not a 20-something woman. Going into this relationship she knew his situation.

You are telling me that there are 30+ women are there who don't know that a dad is going to prioritize time with his kids. Come on now lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, gotta agree that the kids come first.
It seems, though, that if you're flying to places for tournaments that they aren't that young at all. So, maybe 3-5 years before they are out of the nest and off to college?
Can she wait that long for more time with you?

OP here. My son is 15. He is a sophomore in HS. I'll also add that he is taking advanced classes and I have to help him with his academic as well. My daughter is 13. So my son will go to college in 2 years and my daughter in 5.

Can she wait? That's a tough question. Frankly I am not sure if it's even to ask her that.

I won't be upset if she breaks up with me. As I have said I will understand. I just can't have that additional time.

If we are still together at our 1 year mark, I'll introduce her to my kids. I already told them about her and they want to meet her, but I told them soon.

[Anonymous]

Dating post divorce if you have kids only work for women. For men it's harder.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my late forties and am dating a divorced dad now and dated a few others before I met him.

She is too young for you. She should not be wasting her time on someone with kids. You guys aren't well matched right now. I recommend women not date someone with kids until the woman is at least 43 or even older. It's just not worth the sacrifice.

If I break up with my current guy, now that I am pushing fifty I am only going to date men whose kids have launched.

Alternatively, you could decide to scale down your kids' activities or hire a nanny to drive them to their events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try dating someone in your own generation who is also divorced and with kids part-time.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try dating someone in your own generation who is also divorced and with kids part-time.

Hahah. Women on this forum can't miss a chance to take a dig at men dating younger. I get it though lol.