Divorced with kids and GF wants to spend more time together

[Anonymous]

The reasons we see some of the responses here is because these women are not used to seeing dads who step up and put their kids first. I swear men can't win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are the single childress never married men in their 30s?

They are banging women in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

I am a single woman with no kids. Your kids come first. She has to accept that or move on. This is part of dating a man with kids.

[Anonymous]

People are ignoring that OP's girlfriend doesn't want to have kids of her own. So that makes her a great match for him. Oh wait, maybe people don't believe when she said so? That's kind of awful you know. Not all women want kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Unfortunately both my kids are athletes and have quite a few extracurricular activities as well that I need to them to even on the days I don't have them. And with my son we have to fly at least once a month for his completions. My ex wife will not take them to their activities even on the days she has them. If I don't do it nobody will and thats a shame. Even when we were married that was the dynamics she is the version of men that women complain about here.

Is this not a violation of your custody? She won't take the kids to their activities, so you are doing your share PLUS hers? Why does she get 50-50 if she won't even take care of them? This is a bigger issue IMO.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to honestly discuss this. She may find it all acceptable or she may want a different timeline or there may be some room for compromise. There are too many bitter people of all stripes on this forum to give you productive advice.

[Anonymous]

If a woman was dating a man who was boo hooing because they didn't see each other enough because she was an amazing mom and hard worker... id tell her to DTMF.

I would say he is selfish and that is what you get with a guy that does not want kids. He is selfish and self centered and needs tons of attention. Why would you do that to yourself. Who cares if you click, who cares if you text a lot, who cares if you even feel love for this person.

Love is an action and if their actions are competing with you being a parent their actions are not love they are selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a woman was dating a man who was boo hooing because they didn't see each other enough because she was an amazing mom and hard worker... id tell her to DTMF.

I would say he is selfish and that is what you get with a guy that does not want kids. He is selfish and self centered and needs tons of attention. Why would you do that to yourself. Who cares if you click, who cares if you text a lot, who cares if you even feel love for this person.

Love is an action and if their actions are competing with you being a parent their actions are not love they are selfishness.

What? You make no sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a woman was dating a man who was boo hooing because they didn't see each other enough because she was an amazing mom and hard worker... id tell her to DTMF.

I would say he is selfish and that is what you get with a guy that does not want kids. He is selfish and self centered and needs tons of attention. Why would you do that to yourself. Who cares if you click, who cares if you text a lot, who cares if you even feel love for this person.

Love is an action and if their actions are competing with you being a parent their actions are not love they are selfishness.

What? You make no sense

DTMFA

Capeesh?

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are old enough to handle meeting her assuming she wants to meet them. Begin to include her in some of your time with your kids and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been in a serious relationship with my gf for 8 months now. She is great. However I feel bad that I don't get to spend time with her as much as she would want to. We have a 5-2-5-2 schedule with my ex wife. In theory on the weeks I have my kids only twice I should be able to see her more often. Unfortunately both my kids are athletes and have quite a few extracurricular activities as well that I need to them to even on the days I don't have them. And with my son we have to fly at least once a month for his completions. My ex wife will not take them to their activities even on the days she has them. If I don't do it nobody will and thats a shame. Even when we were married that was the dynamics she is the version of men that women complain about here.

My girlfriend is understanding, but I can feel her disappointment as she has even expressed that she wants to see me more. She was single for 2 years before we met. She doesn't want kids of her own and that's why I really want to make this relationship work. We talk every night text throughout the day but she wants more of that physical contact. And I have a demanding job as well. I am a consulting actuary and work long hours and travel as well.

Some days I wish she could just broke up with me because I feel like she deserves someone who has more free time especially at her age. She is only 36 and I am 46.



Any divorced man or woman in a similar situation? How did it work in the long term?

I can't do the FWB thing sorry. Having a long term relationship with someone just for sex that's for other people. I am not judging anyone. To each his or her own. If that's the only option I have as a divorced person then I'll just stay single.

I'm a dad with teenagers who have extracurricular activities so I can relate to the time-suck of extracurriculars. For many activities like sports or, acting in a play, practice or rehearsal take up the bulk of the time. While you definitely want to be there for the games, recitals, shows, etc. the day to day practices you can skip if you can figure out another way to get the kids there. Some time-saving tips
1. Take turns car pooling with other parents so you're only responsible for taking your kid and maybe a couple of other kids on the team to practice one night a week instead of 2-4 nights a week. The other nights the other parents will take your kid.
2. When the teens get a little older can they drive themselves to some activities?
3. There's Uber for teens--depending on where you live that might be an option.
4. Hire someone to drive the kids to practice/rehearsal a few times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

She knew his age. She knew he had kids. So what is she still dating him after 8 months? Why is she still asking to spend more time with him?

She is grown 36 years old woman. She is not a 20-something woman. Going into this relationship she knew his situation.

You are telling me that there are 30+ women are there who don't know that a dad is going to prioritize time with his kids. Come on now lol.

I am the poster who is late forties who has dated divorced dads, almost all of whom have fifty fifty custody. IME, when they don't have custody, they don't spend time with their kids and can prioritize you. The fact that he is doing child care on his non custody days is kind of sucky from a dating perspective. I don't think this guy is a good catch for a 36 year old who wants a serious relationship. He does not have enough time for her.

Its not child care. They are teenagers and he is spending time with them, going to their games, etc.