Divorced with kids and GF wants to spend more time together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

This.

It’s better for both of you to move on.

On a side note, 5-2-5-2 has killed more relationships among coworkers and in my social circle than I can count. It’s a rough one.

5-2-5-2 is great if you have teenagers. If your kids are under 10 it's too much time away from them.

What exactly is 5-2-5-2?

He keeps them for 5 straight days week one. Then the x keeps them for 5 straight days the next week

Sorry to be dense; what does the 2 mean?

It's 5-5-2-2. They are counting days.

They alternate weekends and alternate non-weekends, but the non-weekends are chipped and staggered so that you don't have to do 7-7.

[Anonymous]

Either she starts joining you as a parent or you go on a break until college.

[Anonymous]

Being a good father has to come first. She is selfish and immature if she does not get that.
Why can’t she be with you when the kids are?

You have known her for less than a year. They will be in your life until the die you die (if you are lucky). Stick either way your priorities . She will either admire them or leave you for a lower quality guy. Which would be her loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing that triggers divorced women in their 40s like a divorced man in his 40s dating someone younger and is happy. OP sounds like a nice guy and look at his they are responding.

You are sexist, in a backwards, ugly fashion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a good father has to come first. She is selfish and immature if she does not get that.
Why can’t she be with you when the kids are?

You have known her for less than a year. They will be in your life until the die you die (if you are lucky). Stick either way your priorities . She will either admire them or leave you for a lower quality guy. Which would be her loss.

All we know is she said she wanted to spend more time with him. He won’t introduce her to the kids yet and it’s unclear that he even wants to integrate her into their lives. He basically is happy seeing her what sounds like an average of once a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a good father has to come first. She is selfish and immature if she does not get that.
Why can’t she be with you when the kids are?

You have known her for less than a year. They will be in your life until the die you die (if you are lucky). Stick either way your priorities . She will either admire them or leave you for a lower quality guy. Which would be her loss.

Excuse me?

Selfish and immature for wanting a mate and maybe not being interested in having someone else's kids?

Maybe they aren't a match because OP has too much baggage from a failed marriage, and that's OK, but that's not a problem with the GF's character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will be a source of conflict going forward and forcing him to choose between her and the kids. There are plenty of posts here from adult children of estranged divorced parents who chose to prioritize either the new spouse or the spouse's family.

Think hard, OP, about what you want your life to look like in 10 years.

I’m a huge proponent of putting the kids first but that’s not what OP is saying. He (although he won’t admit it) basically wants a FWB situation where he gets exactly what he wants (travel for work, take kids to sports, and also have down time) and she agrees to slot in whenever he has time. Except unlike FWB he also wants her to be monogomous and committed.

He could easily commit more time to her without compromising his parenting.

How can he commit more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a good father has to come first. She is selfish and immature if she does not get that.
Why can’t she be with you when the kids are?

You have known her for less than a year. They will be in your life until the die you die (if you are lucky). Stick either way your priorities . She will either admire them or leave you for a lower quality guy. Which would be her loss.

Excuse me?

Selfish and immature for wanting a mate and maybe not being interested in having someone else's kids?

Maybe they aren't a match because OP has too much baggage from a failed marriage, and that's OK, but that's not a problem with the GF's character.

DP - she’s immature because she is knowingly dating a dad who is committed to his kids and then complaining that the guy with limited time doesn’t have more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your ex sounds like a tool. She should be taking your kids to their activities on her days.

This is the source of your issue with your GF - you're doing primary parent stuff on your off-days because your ex refuses to step up.

Don't you get it? Your ex is trying to sabotage your new relationship.

My ex husband is doing the same. Not providing to our son what’s needed on his 50% so that the main load of childcare, doctors etc falls on my 50% days with son

You and the OP should formally file for more custody and child support if you are regularly doing primary parent duties on your off-days.

OP needs to step up and let his ex know that she needs to start pulling her weight otherwise he will formally petition to the court for $$$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

This.

It’s better for both of you to move on.

On a side note, 5-2-5-2 has killed more relationships among coworkers and in my social circle than I can count. It’s a rough one.

5-2-5-2 is great if you have teenagers. If your kids are under 10 it's too much time away from them.

What exactly is 5-2-5-2?

He keeps them for 5 straight days week one. Then the x keeps them for 5 straight days the next week

Sorry to be dense; what does the 2 mean?

It's 5-5-2-2. They are counting days.

They alternate weekends and alternate non-weekends, but the non-weekends are chipped and staggered so that you don't have to do 7-7

This sounds like a horrible schedule. I'd much rather have 7-7; seems more sustainable for having a normal life, dating, being able to schedule work travel, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She will be a source of conflict going forward and forcing him to choose between her and the kids. There are plenty of posts here from adult children of estranged divorced parents who chose to prioritize either the new spouse or the spouse's family.

Think hard, OP, about what you want your life to look like in 10 years.

I’m a huge proponent of putting the kids first but that’s not what OP is saying. He (although he won’t admit it) basically wants a FWB situation where he gets exactly what he wants (travel for work, take kids to sports, and also have down time) and she agrees to slot in whenever he has time. Except unlike FWB he also wants her to be monogomous and committed.

He could easily commit more time to her without compromising his parenting.

How can he commit more?

+1. I asked above - where does she think the extra time will come from?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all the comments and advice. I will provide a bit more context and information. We met by chance not on OLD. She commented on my eyes color (mix of green/blue) and that comment led us to a 1 hour chat about us. I am bi racial and everyone always ask me if I am white Puerto Rican British I have heard it all. So that's always been an icebreaker for me with people. I was not ready not looking to date when I met her. But we shared a good laugh and talk and decided to have coffee the next day. And this led to more dates and 8 months later we are now in a serious relationship. So for me it's not about dating someone younger older with kids or without kids. Dating wasn't on my radars at all and I didn't even think about the the type of women I would be interested in dating. When I told her my age she was surprised she thought I was younger. I am former DIV 2 soccer player and very much into fitness. So I keep in shape. So that's how we met.

The reasons I take my kids to their activities on my non custody days is because my ex wife is not in a good place mentally. She hasn't been for a long time. In fact our divorce wasn't the result of "bad marriage". Her psychiatrist recommended the divorce which I resisted for 2+ years. I thought I could help her but her mental issues are deeper. Anyways don't want to get too much into it. So that's the reason I am the primary parent and it's been this way since our kids were small.

She did express that she wanted me to spend more time with her. And I will be honest I didn't have the best answer at the time. She expressed that a day after I canceled one of our date last minute because my son had a calculus exam the next day and didn't tell me beforehand so I had to stay and help him because he wasn't ready with some of the topics. She understood but was disappointed understandably so.

She has been in 2 long relationships in the past one lasting 4 years and the other 5. She is beautiful woman. Of course she can find someone her age who has more time.

As I said in a couple of months when we celebrate our 1 year together I'll introduce her to my kids. And she is excited about that.

As I said in my initial post I am genuinely worried that she wants and deserves more time that I can give her. I cannot and will not break up with her because she has done nothing wrong to me. Before we meet our kids we will have a discussion and I will tell her that if she thinks this isn't working and we should break up I'll reassure her that it's okay. I just cannot take away time from my kids and their activities for her sorry. My kids are everything to me and especially with their mother not in the best place I need to be fully present for them.

Some have commented that perhaps I shouldn't date and thats a fair opinion. I have thought about that as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the comments and advice. I will provide a bit more context and information. We met by chance not on OLD. She commented on my eyes color (mix of green/blue) and that comment led us to a 1 hour chat about us. I am bi racial and everyone always ask me if I am white Puerto Rican British I have heard it all. So that's always been an icebreaker for me with people. I was not ready not looking to date when I met her. But we shared a good laugh and talk and decided to have coffee the next day. And this led to more dates and 8 months later we are now in a serious relationship. So for me it's not about dating someone younger older with kids or without kids. Dating wasn't on my radars at all and I didn't even think about the the type of women I would be interested in dating. When I told her my age she was surprised she thought I was younger. I am former DIV 2 soccer player and very much into fitness. So I keep in shape. So that's how we met.

The reasons I take my kids to their activities on my non custody days is because my ex wife is not in a good place mentally. She hasn't been for a long time. In fact our divorce wasn't the result of "bad marriage". Her psychiatrist recommended the divorce which I resisted for 2+ years. I thought I could help her but her mental issues are deeper. Anyways don't want to get too much into it. So that's the reason I am the primary parent and it's been this way since our kids were small.

She did express that she wanted me to spend more time with her. And I will be honest I didn't have the best answer at the time. She expressed that a day after I canceled one of our date last minute because my son had a calculus exam the next day and didn't tell me beforehand so I had to stay and help him because he wasn't ready with some of the topics. She understood but was disappointed understandably so.

She has been in 2 long relationships in the past one lasting 4 years and the other 5. She is beautiful woman. Of course she can find someone her age who has more time.

As I said in a couple of months when we celebrate our 1 year together I'll introduce her to my kids. And she is excited about that.

As I said in my initial post I am genuinely worried that she wants and deserves more time that I can give her. I cannot and will not break up with her because she has done nothing wrong to me. Before we meet our kids we will have a discussion and I will tell her that if she thinks this isn't working and we should break up I'll reassure her that it's okay. I just cannot take away time from my kids and their activities for her sorry. My kids are everything to me and especially with their mother not in the best place I need to be fully present for them.

Some have commented that perhaps I shouldn't date and thats a fair opinion. I have thought about that as well.

Here we have a normal guy and women are recommended him he dumps his girlfriend just because there is and age gap, she should be with a guy her age etc. shes been in 2 long failed relationship and this one may work but you stupid people are ready to ruin this woman last chance.

Now I see why so many of you with great jobs lots of money homeowners in your 30s are chronically single. You keep waiting for that imaginary guy who will never show up. And when one of your girlfriends snatch one you guys start finding s**t wrong with him. I think the biggest obstacle to a single woman in her 30s is an angry divorced woman in her 30s and other chronically singletons in their 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the comments and advice. I will provide a bit more context and information. We met by chance not on OLD. She commented on my eyes color (mix of green/blue) and that comment led us to a 1 hour chat about us. I am bi racial and everyone always ask me if I am white Puerto Rican British I have heard it all. So that's always been an icebreaker for me with people. I was not ready not looking to date when I met her. But we shared a good laugh and talk and decided to have coffee the next day. And this led to more dates and 8 months later we are now in a serious relationship. So for me it's not about dating someone younger older with kids or without kids. Dating wasn't on my radars at all and I didn't even think about the the type of women I would be interested in dating. When I told her my age she was surprised she thought I was younger. I am former DIV 2 soccer player and very much into fitness. So I keep in shape. So that's how we met.

The reasons I take my kids to their activities on my non custody days is because my ex wife is not in a good place mentally. She hasn't been for a long time. In fact our divorce wasn't the result of "bad marriage". Her psychiatrist recommended the divorce which I resisted for 2+ years. I thought I could help her but her mental issues are deeper. Anyways don't want to get too much into it. So that's the reason I am the primary parent and it's been this way since our kids were small.

She did express that she wanted me to spend more time with her. And I will be honest I didn't have the best answer at the time. She expressed that a day after I canceled one of our date last minute because my son had a calculus exam the next day and didn't tell me beforehand so I had to stay and help him because he wasn't ready with some of the topics. She understood but was disappointed understandably so.

She has been in 2 long relationships in the past one lasting 4 years and the other 5. She is beautiful woman. Of course she can find someone her age who has more time.

As I said in a couple of months when we celebrate our 1 year together I'll introduce her to my kids. And she is excited about that.

As I said in my initial post I am genuinely worried that she wants and deserves more time that I can give her. I cannot and will not break up with her because she has done nothing wrong to me. Before we meet our kids we will have a discussion and I will tell her that if she thinks this isn't working and we should break up I'll reassure her that it's okay. I just cannot take away time from my kids and their activities for her sorry. My kids are everything to me and especially with their mother not in the best place I need to be fully present for them.

Some have commented that perhaps I shouldn't date and thats a fair opinion. I have thought about that as well.

Here we have a normal guy and women are recommended him he dumps his girlfriend just because there is and age gap, she should be with a guy her age etc. shes been in 2 long failed relationship and this one may work but you stupid people are ready to ruin this woman last chance.

Now I see why so many of you with great jobs lots of money homeowners in your 30s are chronically single. You keep waiting for that imaginary guy who will never show up. And when one of your girlfriends snatch one you guys start finding s**t wrong with him. I think the biggest obstacle to a single woman in her 30s is an angry divorced woman in her 30s and other chronically singletons in their 30s.

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the comments and advice. I will provide a bit more context and information. We met by chance not on OLD. She commented on my eyes color (mix of green/blue) and that comment led us to a 1 hour chat about us. I am bi racial and everyone always ask me if I am white Puerto Rican British I have heard it all. So that's always been an icebreaker for me with people. I was not ready not looking to date when I met her. But we shared a good laugh and talk and decided to have coffee the next day. And this led to more dates and 8 months later we are now in a serious relationship. So for me it's not about dating someone younger older with kids or without kids. Dating wasn't on my radars at all and I didn't even think about the the type of women I would be interested in dating. When I told her my age she was surprised she thought I was younger. I am former DIV 2 soccer player and very much into fitness. So I keep in shape. So that's how we met.

The reasons I take my kids to their activities on my non custody days is because my ex wife is not in a good place mentally. She hasn't been for a long time. In fact our divorce wasn't the result of "bad marriage". Her psychiatrist recommended the divorce which I resisted for 2+ years. I thought I could help her but her mental issues are deeper. Anyways don't want to get too much into it. So that's the reason I am the primary parent and it's been this way since our kids were small.

She did express that she wanted me to spend more time with her. And I will be honest I didn't have the best answer at the time. She expressed that a day after I canceled one of our date last minute because my son had a calculus exam the next day and didn't tell me beforehand so I had to stay and help him because he wasn't ready with some of the topics. She understood but was disappointed understandably so.

She has been in 2 long relationships in the past one lasting 4 years and the other 5. She is beautiful woman. Of course she can find someone her age who has more time.

As I said in a couple of months when we celebrate our 1 year together I'll introduce her to my kids. And she is excited about that.

As I said in my initial post I am genuinely worried that she wants and deserves more time that I can give her. I cannot and will not break up with her because she has done nothing wrong to me. Before we meet our kids we will have a discussion and I will tell her that if she thinks this isn't working and we should break up I'll reassure her that it's okay. I just cannot take away time from my kids and their activities for her sorry. My kids are everything to me and especially with their mother not in the best place I need to be fully present for them.

Some have commented that perhaps I shouldn't date and thats a fair opinion. I have thought about that as well.

You are a great dad. Sadly you don't have time for someone else. I think you should brake up with her and you should start dating again when they go to college. In the meantime go on a hunt. You are a very attractive man. Assuming you got your game together in the bedroom, I suggest you go younger and don't look back. So many so many p**y out there brother.

And the longer you stay with this woman the more likely you are to remarry. And do you really want to go down the aisle again? Thank about that.