Divorced with kids and GF wants to spend more time together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my late forties and am dating a divorced dad now and dated a few others before I met him.

She is too young for you. She should not be wasting her time on someone with kids. You guys aren't well matched right now. I recommend women not date someone with kids until the woman is at least 43 or even older. It's just not worth the sacrifice.

If I break up with my current guy, now that I am pushing fifty I am only going to date men whose kids have launched.

Alternatively, you could decide to scale down your kids' activities or hire a nanny to drive them to their events.

No, no, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my late forties and am dating a divorced dad now and dated a few others before I met him.

She is too young for you. She should not be wasting her time on someone with kids. You guys aren't well matched right now. I recommend women not date someone with kids until the woman is at least 43 or even older. It's just not worth the sacrifice.

If I break up with my current guy, now that I am pushing fifty I am only going to date men whose kids have launched.

Alternatively, you could decide to scale down your kids' activities or hire a nanny to drive them to their events.

Hahaha. They are coming out swinging. God da***n. Lol. OP don't listen to these women. I have been dating my gf for 3 years now. We have the same exact age gap like you guys 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

She knew his age. She knew he had kids. So what is she still dating him after 8 months? Why is she still asking to spend more time with him?

She is grown 36 years old woman. She is not a 20-something woman. Going into this relationship she knew his situation.

You are telling me that there are 30+ women are there who don't know that a dad is going to prioritize time with his kids. Come on now lol.

I am the poster who is late forties who has dated divorced dads, almost all of whom have fifty fifty custody. IME, when they don't have custody, they don't spend time with their kids and can prioritize you. The fact that he is doing child care on his non custody days is kind of sucky from a dating perspective. I don't think this guy is a good catch for a 36 year old who wants a serious relationship. He does not have enough time for her.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a nice guy and a good dad. If she does not understand your obligations as a father she's not right for you. If she does understand and simply wants to see you more, consider remarriage.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to her. If you are serous about her, she can come over smoetimes when the kids are there. Kids should always come first but there needs to be a balance. Does she want kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my late forties and am dating a divorced dad now and dated a few others before I met him.

She is too young for you. She should not be wasting her time on someone with kids. You guys aren't well matched right now. I recommend women not date someone with kids until the woman is at least 43 or even older. It's just not worth the sacrifice.

If I break up with my current guy, now that I am pushing fifty I am only going to date men whose kids have launched.

Alternatively, you could decide to scale down your kids' activities or hire a nanny to drive them to their events.

F**k no. But her advice is a natural advice coming out a woman's mouth. When my dad remarried his new wife made priority #1 to put us aside. He stupidly listened to her. And now she left him.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry op. You sound like a good dad and human. I would just keep trying and keep communicating. That is the best you can do. Understanding her feelings about it and doing the best you can to meet her needs, where you can but putting your kids needs as #1 is all you can do. Time goes fast and once your son is at college and you are only balancing one child's activities that may open things up a little more. It is worth it to at least keep trying and keeping talking through. You can tell her that you understand this is tough, is there anything else you can do that would help? For example, could she travel with you and/or meet you at a destination you travel to for work for example? Any options for carpool for your kids you can look into for just a couple of those rides to open up one of those nights?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

She knew his age. She knew he had kids. So what is she still dating him after 8 months? Why is she still asking to spend more time with him?

She is grown 36 years old woman. She is not a 20-something woman. Going into this relationship she knew his situation.

You are telling me that there are 30+ women are there who don't know that a dad is going to prioritize time with his kids. Come on now lol.

I am the poster who is late forties who has dated divorced dads, almost all of whom have fifty fifty custody. IME, when they don't have custody, they don't spend time with their kids and can prioritize you. The fact that he is doing child care on his non custody days is kind of sucky from a dating perspective. I don't think this guy is a good catch for a 36 year old who wants a serious relationship. He does not have enough time for her.

+1. OP should be commended for putting his kids first. And with this sacrifice he needs to also understand that dating will be almost impossible for him.

Maybe someone explains this to me. I know a few divorced men all of whom in their 40s and dating women in their 30s. One is getting remarried this summer. What women say on this forum is not what I see in real life. Those women in their 30s are absolutely dating these guys. I don't know why. There are plenty of single men their age or younger. But 30s women dating 40s women is very very common.

[Anonymous]

The issue here is not OP or the age difference with GF. It’s him doing child care on exW custodial time. Is exW paying you child support, OP? If not, I would file for that.

And yes, kids need to share the burden if divorce by scaling down activities at time.

Im a meet nester woman in my 40s and tried dating several 40s men. Even though I don’t want more kids they weren’t a good match for me: very limited time and funds for joint activities

I date mostly childless younger men or nearly empty nesters in their 50s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

She knew his age. She knew he had kids. So what is she still dating him after 8 months? Why is she still asking to spend more time with him?

She is grown 36 years old woman. She is not a 20-something woman. Going into this relationship she knew his situation.

You are telling me that there are 30+ women are there who don't know that a dad is going to prioritize time with his kids. Come on now lol.

I am the poster who is late forties who has dated divorced dads, almost all of whom have fifty fifty custody. IME, when they don't have custody, they don't spend time with their kids and can prioritize you. The fact that he is doing child care on his non custody days is kind of sucky from a dating perspective. I don't think this guy is a good catch for a 36 year old who wants a serious relationship. He does not have enough time for her.

+1. OP should be commended for putting his kids first. And with this sacrifice he needs to also understand that dating will be almost impossible for him.

Maybe someone explains this to me. I know a few divorced men all of whom in their 40s and dating women in their 30s. One is getting remarried this summer. What women say on this forum is not what I see in real life. Those women in their 30s are absolutely dating these guys. I don't know why. There are plenty of single men their age or younger. But 30s women dating 40s women is very very common.

These women are short in time for babies and dating older divorced men who might still want one more expands their dating pool. But OP is not in that desirable category for these women

[Anonymous]

Where are the single childress never married men in their 30s?

[Anonymous]

If she was right for you, she would be a part of your life with your kids. Sorry, not sorry, parents of school age kids don’t get to go on dates or out with friends 3-4 times a week even when they are married and have a partner who pulls their own weight. Why can’t she make dinner while you take a kid to sports and then hang out when you get home - just like a married couple?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to her. If you are serous about her, she can come over smoetimes when the kids are there. Kids should always come first but there needs to be a balance. Does she want kids?

There emphatically does not. A 13 year old middle school girl is not required to balance shit after daddy and mommy ripped apart her world.

OP is a good dad with the right priorities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are the single childress never married men in their 30s?

Men in their 30s have highest suicide rate, chronic unemployment/underemployment, mental illness, failure to launch, and drugs/alcohol abuse.

It is not a coincidence that women in their 30s are chronically single. There aren't enough men in their age group. So they keep waiting and waiting and waiting. As they get closer to 40, they go for option #2 divorced men in their 40s.

[Anonymous]

Does she want to tag along to athletic games? That's what my friend who is dating a mom of teens does. They hang out after kids go to bed.

I think the question is, does she want to be the most important person in the world for you? If she's competing with your kids for attention, that's a huge red flag.