Divorced with kids and GF wants to spend more time together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither does he. Years later, he’s still a mere baby at over 50 years old.

He’d be glad you are here to support him. You single? So is he.

He was told by counsel to appear like a 50/50 great dad, when we all knew he’d been a 0% parent and an 100% abuser before I had the courage to file.

Start your own thread. This has nothing to do with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

This.

It’s better for both of you to move on.

On a side note, 5-2-5-2 has killed more relationships among coworkers and in my social circle than I can count. It’s a rough one.

5-2-5-2 is great if you have teenagers. If your kids are under 10 it's too much time away from them.

It’s great for parents of teens, maybe. It’s hard for the social lives and extra curricular of the teens themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

This.

It’s better for both of you to move on.

On a side note, 5-2-5-2 has killed more relationships among coworkers and in my social circle than I can count. It’s a rough one.

5-2-5-2 is great if you have teenagers. If your kids are under 10 it's too much time away from them.

What exactly is 5-2-5-2?

[Anonymous]

Invite her to the games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

This.

It’s better for both of you to move on.

On a side note, 5-2-5-2 has killed more relationships among coworkers and in my social circle than I can count. It’s a rough one.

5-2-5-2 is great if you have teenagers. If your kids are under 10 it's too much time away from them.

What exactly is 5-2-5-2?

He keeps them for 5 straight days week one. Then the x keeps them for 5 straight days the next week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She isn’t the right one for you. You are a dad, first and foremost. She is 10 yrs younger and doesn’t want kids- meaning she also doesn’t want to deal with YOUR kids and their obligations and your obligations to them.

She needs someone her same age that wants and has a child free life.

This.

It’s better for both of you to move on.

On a side note, 5-2-5-2 has killed more relationships among coworkers and in my social circle than I can count. It’s a rough one.

5-2-5-2 is great if you have teenagers. If your kids are under 10 it's too much time away from them.

What exactly is 5-2-5-2?

He keeps them for 5 straight days week one. Then the x keeps them for 5 straight days the next week

Sorry to be dense; what does the 2 mean?

[Anonymous]

I married someone (in the process of splitting) who doesn’t buy into the “kids first” thing which is essentially what killed our relationship. It seems fairly doomed if you’re already there 8 months in.

I’d say that there are tons of people in my stage of life - single, 40’s, kid focused and busy with family life. That’s probably a better fit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are the single childress never married men in their 30s?

There are tons. The girlfriend needs to find one.

[Anonymous]

She needs to date a childfree man in his 30s or 40s.

You two are not right for each other. Also in a different stage of life.

I am 47f divorced with two kids ages 10 and 13. When I date it is younger men who don’t have kids but I don’t want a serious relationship and neither does the man. My kids come first. I don’t have time for seeing someone several times a week. I have 4 evenings a month max. I do most of the kid activity driving regardless of whose day it is. I am actually not dating at all in 2025. Too busy.

OP: you need someone in the same stage of life and lifestyle you have. This won’t work out: you are both wasting each other’s precious time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are the single childress never married men in their 30s?

They are banging women in their 20s.

They are banging divorced women in their 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Unfortunately both my kids are athletes and have quite a few extracurricular activities as well that I need to them to even on the days I don't have them. And with my son we have to fly at least once a month for his completions. My ex wife will not take them to their activities even on the days she has them. If I don't do it nobody will and thats a shame. Even when we were married that was the dynamics she is the version of men that women complain about here.

Is this not a violation of your custody? She won't take the kids to their activities, so you are doing your share PLUS hers? Why does she get 50-50 if she won't even take care of them? This is a bigger issue IMO.

This is not uncommon. I have this situation. I prefer to see the kids more. I am not going to court over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

As a mom of a young adult child I disagree that parents always have to introduce the new partners after 8 months. I would only do that if I considered cohabitating or marriage

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP, I am a divorced mom of 2 kids, younger than yours. If it has been 8 months and your kids are HS aged and you have told them about this woman, and you love her and are serious about her, why must you wait until the 12-month mark to introduce her to your kids?

Your kids already know what a bad relationship looks like (ie yours w their mom). This is a great chance to show them a healthy relationship. And for them to have a wonderful female role model in their life.

You're making a lot of assumptions about her, their relationship, and what role she wants to play in their lives.

What assumptions are those?

Speaking as a divorced mom with 2 kids of my own, based on my experiences dating post-divorce, I would assume that after 8 mos, OP and his gf have discussed the fact that he has children and the potential of her meeting them. Im also going to assume that they have even discussed what their relationship would look like once she meets the kids and they dont have to “sneak around” anymore.

Because OP seems like a good dude, and thats what good dudes do when they are dating post-divorce. They dont date people who arent interested in dating someone with kids.

As a mom of a young adult child I disagree that parents always have to introduce the new partners after 8 months. I would only do that if I considered cohabitating or marriage

Not snarky, but serious question. If your kid doesnt see you in healthy romantic relationships, how do they know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like? Assuming that your relationship w their other parent was incredibly unhealthy or you wouldnt have divorced.

Not the PP you are responding to but they can see examples of good relationships other than their parents. My kids see their uncle and aunt and many others. No way I am introducing them to a man I was not getting married to…and I will never remarry so family members marriages are fine to see. It is better to show them what not to do (my marriage) and they know why not to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are the single childress never married men in their 30s?

They are banging women in their 20s.

They are banging divorced women in their 40s.

Haha - yea! This is true - signed divorced empty nester woman in my 40s. I'm dating late 30s-early 40s men. Some of them want marriage, none of them want kids. They don't date 30s women.

OPs GF can and should find one of these men - if I'm able do, there is no reason why she can't unless she's fat or/and ugly

[Anonymous]

It’s usually 5225, isn’t it? So Dad has 5, Mom has 2, Dad has 2 and Mom has 5? I’ve never heard of 5252. Wouldn’t that be Dad has 5, Mom has 2, Dad has 5 again, Mom has 2 again?