Brunch at friends house, do you take home what you brought?

[Anonymous]

Ew. This is like a potluck brunch?

When I host a brunch, everything is catered and I do not want my guests to bring any food related items. Usually bring prosecco, white vermouth, or flowers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

It seems super rude to me, too. The host has dibs. Then the person who brought it gets to decide to offer it to other guests or take it home.

I don't know... if you are asking people to bring food to your party, you are hosting a potluck. The etiquette for a potluck is that everyone takes their items home. You can't have it both ways.

This. I don't "host" pot-lucks, but seems normal to me. If I am hosting, I provide all the food and beverages for my guest.

Maybe this is a regional etiquette thing? I have never been to a 'potluck' where the expectation was taking it home. You go to someone's house, you don't take what you brought back, this is just super rude unless the host is offering/encouraging.

Agree with others I would in fact go out of my way to transfer whatever I brought to bring my dish home and that is IT.

New England culturally FWIW.

I was taught this too. West coaster.

I think it depends on how the food came. In your baking dish or pie pan? Then it just goes back the way it came. If it’s disposable then it stays or goes back if the host asks you to take it. It’s weird to look for a plastic container in someone’s home to dump your dish into so they can keep it. It’s easier to just grab and go. And who wants to eat the food anyway if it’s been sitting out? I will take it, dump it at home, then clean my dish. It’s no good to anyone else anyway.

New Englander here. In my family/life it does not matter how the food came at all. If I brought it it stays unless I am encouraged to bring it home. I'd go a step farther and say that the initial overture to take something home I would likely refuse but if I got a 'no really its way too much for me' I would bring some home. I am actually not even that likely to get my dish back in the moment but would more likely leave it and text the person later to swing by for the dish. I also have almost never been in a situation where the expectation is that all the leftovers are getting tossed. That seems crazy wasteful.

And you don't like start hunting through their cabinets for the tupperware. You help clean up or ask the host if they have a tupperware (a great opportunity for the host to then graciously tell you to bring something home).

[Anonymous]

That’s cheap, OP. They should leave it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

It seems super rude to me, too. The host has dibs. Then the person who brought it gets to decide to offer it to other guests or take it home.

I don't know... if you are asking people to bring food to your party, you are hosting a potluck. The etiquette for a potluck is that everyone takes their items home. You can't have it both ways.

OP did not ask them to bring food; they offered or asked what they could bring. She had planned to provide all the food. That is not a potluck.

OP did not tell them no. So this is a potluck. “Just bring yourselves” is what you say if you provide all the food.

Many people will bring something anyway since they were taught to never go to someone's house empty-handed. That doesn't make it a potluck.

It does though. If you’re having a brunch and friends show up with a casserole, dozen bagels and cream cheese, box of bagels, and champagne you’re having a pot luck b/c all those foods will be servied.

1) If the rules of potluck etiquette are different (I personally don't think they are but if they are...) then it does matter whether or not it was framed as a potluck

2) If a bunch of people come to something they were invited to that was not a potluck with extra food it is even more rude to then leave with the leftovers as if not framed as a potluck the add ons are just gifts for the host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

It seems super rude to me, too. The host has dibs. Then the person who brought it gets to decide to offer it to other guests or take it home.

I don't know... if you are asking people to bring food to your party, you are hosting a potluck. The etiquette for a potluck is that everyone takes their items home. You can't have it both ways.

This. I don't "host" pot-lucks, but seems normal to me. If I am hosting, I provide all the food and beverages for my guest.

Maybe this is a regional etiquette thing? I have never been to a 'potluck' where the expectation was taking it home. You go to someone's house, you don't take what you brought back, this is just super rude unless the host is offering/encouraging.

Agree with others I would in fact go out of my way to transfer whatever I brought to bring my dish home and that is IT.

New England culturally FWIW.

I was taught this too. West coaster.

I think it depends on how the food came. In your baking dish or pie pan? Then it just goes back the way it came. If it’s disposable then it stays or goes back if the host asks you to take it. It’s weird to look for a plastic container in someone’s home to dump your dish into so they can keep it. It’s easier to just grab and go. And who wants to eat the food anyway if it’s been sitting out? I will take it, dump it at home, then clean my dish. It’s no good to anyone else anyway.

New Englander here. In my family/life it does not matter how the food came at all. If I brought it it stays unless I am encouraged to bring it home. I'd go a step farther and say that the initial overture to take something home I would likely refuse but if I got a 'no really its way too much for me' I would bring some home. I am actually not even that likely to get my dish back in the moment but would more likely leave it and text the person later to swing by for the dish. I also have almost never been in a situation where the expectation is that all the leftovers are getting tossed. That seems crazy wasteful.

And you don't like start hunting through their cabinets for the tupperware. You help clean up or ask the host if they have a tupperware (a great opportunity for the host to then graciously tell you to bring something home).

Be honest. How often do you actually bake something in one of your own dishes and need it back? If you only have experience buying something and bringing it premade it doesn’t apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

It seems super rude to me, too. The host has dibs. Then the person who brought it gets to decide to offer it to other guests or take it home.

I don't know... if you are asking people to bring food to your party, you are hosting a potluck. The etiquette for a potluck is that everyone takes their items home. You can't have it both ways.

OP did not ask them to bring food; they offered or asked what they could bring. She had planned to provide all the food. That is not a potluck.

OP did not tell them no. So this is a potluck. “Just bring yourselves” is what you say if you provide all the food.

Many people will bring something anyway since they were taught to never go to someone's house empty-handed. That doesn't make it a potluck.

It does though. If you’re having a brunch and friends show up with a casserole, dozen bagels and cream cheese, box of bagels, and champagne you’re having a pot luck b/c all those foods will be servied.

1) If the rules of potluck etiquette are different (I personally don't think they are but if they are...) then it does matter whether or not it was framed as a potluck

2) If a bunch of people come to something they were invited to that was not a potluck with extra food it is even more rude to then leave with the leftovers as if not framed as a potluck the add ons are just gifts for the host.

If you’re not hosting a potluck then tell everyone to bring nothing you have everything. Otherwise, surprise, you’re hosting a potluck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

It seems super rude to me, too. The host has dibs. Then the person who brought it gets to decide to offer it to other guests or take it home.

I don't know... if you are asking people to bring food to your party, you are hosting a potluck. The etiquette for a potluck is that everyone takes their items home. You can't have it both ways.

This. I don't "host" pot-lucks, but seems normal to me. If I am hosting, I provide all the food and beverages for my guest.

Maybe this is a regional etiquette thing? I have never been to a 'potluck' where the expectation was taking it home. You go to someone's house, you don't take what you brought back, this is just super rude unless the host is offering/encouraging.

Agree with others I would in fact go out of my way to transfer whatever I brought to bring my dish home and that is IT.

New England culturally FWIW.

I was taught this too. West coaster.

I think it depends on how the food came. In your baking dish or pie pan? Then it just goes back the way it came. If it’s disposable then it stays or goes back if the host asks you to take it. It’s weird to look for a plastic container in someone’s home to dump your dish into so they can keep it. It’s easier to just grab and go. And who wants to eat the food anyway if it’s been sitting out? I will take it, dump it at home, then clean my dish. It’s no good to anyone else anyway.

New Englander here. In my family/life it does not matter how the food came at all. If I brought it it stays unless I am encouraged to bring it home. I'd go a step farther and say that the initial overture to take something home I would likely refuse but if I got a 'no really its way too much for me' I would bring some home. I am actually not even that likely to get my dish back in the moment but would more likely leave it and text the person later to swing by for the dish. I also have almost never been in a situation where the expectation is that all the leftovers are getting tossed. That seems crazy wasteful.

And you don't like start hunting through their cabinets for the tupperware. You help clean up or ask the host if they have a tupperware (a great opportunity for the host to then graciously tell you to bring something home).

Be honest. How often do you actually bake something in one of your own dishes and need it back? If you only have experience buying something and bringing it premade it doesn’t apply.

I don't know why your assumption is that I do not bring homemade things places. I am more likely to bring something homemade than not. I do try to get an aluminum tray though if I'm bringing it somewhere. I have plenty of applicable experience. I have also had plenty of people bringing dishes to my house and reuniting people with their dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

I agree with all of this—at the same time, I think the host should always offer for people to take things home. I’ve been at parties where there are a ton of leftovers and the hosts are like, “Well, we’re going to be eating well next week!” Just assuming all the food will be left to them. I think that’s unbelievably rude.

[Anonymous]

I always leave what I bring unless I am certain the host doesn’t want it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

It seems super rude to me, too. The host has dibs. Then the person who brought it gets to decide to offer it to other guests or take it home.

I don't know... if you are asking people to bring food to your party, you are hosting a potluck. The etiquette for a potluck is that everyone takes their items home. You can't have it both ways.

This. I don't "host" pot-lucks, but seems normal to me. If I am hosting, I provide all the food and beverages for my guest.

Maybe this is a regional etiquette thing? I have never been to a 'potluck' where the expectation was taking it home. You go to someone's house, you don't take what you brought back, this is just super rude unless the host is offering/encouraging.

Agree with others I would in fact go out of my way to transfer whatever I brought to bring my dish home and that is IT.

New England culturally FWIW.

I was taught this too. West coaster.

I think it depends on how the food came. In your baking dish or pie pan? Then it just goes back the way it came. If it’s disposable then it stays or goes back if the host asks you to take it. It’s weird to look for a plastic container in someone’s home to dump your dish into so they can keep it. It’s easier to just grab and go. And who wants to eat the food anyway if it’s been sitting out? I will take it, dump it at home, then clean my dish. It’s no good to anyone else anyway.

New Englander here. In my family/life it does not matter how the food came at all. If I brought it it stays unless I am encouraged to bring it home. I'd go a step farther and say that the initial overture to take something home I would likely refuse but if I got a 'no really its way too much for me' I would bring some home. I am actually not even that likely to get my dish back in the moment but would more likely leave it and text the person later to swing by for the dish. I also have almost never been in a situation where the expectation is that all the leftovers are getting tossed. That seems crazy wasteful.

And you don't like start hunting through their cabinets for the tupperware. You help clean up or ask the host if they have a tupperware (a great opportunity for the host to then graciously tell you to bring something home).

Be honest. How often do you actually bake something in one of your own dishes and need it back? If you only have experience buying something and bringing it premade it doesn’t apply.

I don't know why your assumption is that I do not bring homemade things places. I am more likely to bring something homemade than not. I do try to get an aluminum tray though if I'm bringing it somewhere. I have plenty of applicable experience. I have also had plenty of people bringing dishes to my house and reuniting people with their dishes.

I didn’t say you didn’t bake i asked how often you use your own dish and you don’t often. Disposable things get left behind but you take your platter or pan with you.

[Anonymous]

We don’t really drink beer. If my friends bring a nice beer to share and some remain unopened, Im glad when they take back the extras. I know they’ll clearly enjoy it.

I bet people all have different cultural experiences with this type of thing. So one thing that’s rude for you may have been totally normal where another person grew up.

[Anonymous]

There is usually a discussion...maybe the boys will be hungry when they get home. Keep it. No they were eating out and we are going away fur the weekend. I am not taking any cookies home does anyone else want them? I don't think anyone cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

It seems super rude to me, too. The host has dibs. Then the person who brought it gets to decide to offer it to other guests or take it home.

I don't know... if you are asking people to bring food to your party, you are hosting a potluck. The etiquette for a potluck is that everyone takes their items home. You can't have it both ways.

Oooh this is a good point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always leave it unless the host specifically asks you to take it back.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I normally ask the host if they’d like me to leave some, otherwise I take it. When I host I really don’t have room for 16 different half eaten dishes, bottles of wine or desserts. I really don’t want to deal with their dishes either.

Sure, of course you take your bottle of wine back because you're worried the host might not have room for it.

Nice story.