Brunch at friends house, do you take home what you brought?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This happens at all my hosted brunches or dinners with this group. It’s not a potluck. And this is like 4 groups of friends all taking their items back. Half eaten guacamole, even scooping out of the serving dish. Half bag of chips. Sometimes they ask if you’re not going to eat this I’ll take it back. But I feel like it’s rude for me to say yes please leave it. So I say they can have it back but just the fact that they take it back or ask I feel is rude and don’t know if there is anything I can politely say about it. Oh well. Thank you for making me feel normal lol!

Why would you want to keep it? When they offer food, just decline.

I don't understand these questions. I usually do something in the middle and like a guest or two might make a little plate to take home but if I'm hosting I love being left with all the leftovers! I do in fact eat them for the next couple of days and enjoy the break from cooking as I likely cooked a lot in the lead up to the event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circles, it is very common for people to divvie up all dishes equally, and take their share of their dish in the serving container.

Lets assume that there are 6 couples, and every couple brought a dish. At the end of the meal, each couple will divide the leftover for their dish in 6 parts and put it in disposable containers. They will leave their share in the serving dish they had got, and will take back their share of the dish they made in their own serving ware. That way the host does not have to wash the guest's serving dish, or divvy the food etc.

In our circles, every household had restaurant quality doggy bag containers and ziplock bags, just for this purpose.

Also - the hostess will let the guests know that she wants all the food to be divvied up. If the hostess does not say anything then the food remains with the hostess. No body takes their food or container back.

Where are these rules coming from? Did op let the guests know what she wanted to do? Doesn’t sound like she had this rule book and wanted people to read her mind and yet they took the food anyway.

Polite society. This is where these rules come from. You are socialized with them from your family of origin, and if not, you should learn culturally throughout social activities, work and school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This happens at all my hosted brunches or dinners with this group. It’s not a potluck. And this is like 4 groups of friends all taking their items back. Half eaten guacamole, even scooping out of the serving dish. Half bag of chips. Sometimes they ask if you’re not going to eat this I’ll take it back. But I feel like it’s rude for me to say yes please leave it. So I say they can have it back but just the fact that they take it back or ask I feel is rude and don’t know if there is anything I can politely say about it. Oh well. Thank you for making me feel normal lol!

It's not rude to say, "Oh, I'm really looking forward to having more of that! Do you want me to put it in one of my dishes so you can take yours with you?"

It would be rude to say, "Just leave it and I'll compost it" or "It's mine now; I deserve some leftovers after all the effort I went to for you"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my circles, it is very common for people to divvie up all dishes equally, and take their share of their dish in the serving container.

Lets assume that there are 6 couples, and every couple brought a dish. At the end of the meal, each couple will divide the leftover for their dish in 6 parts and put it in disposable containers. They will leave their share in the serving dish they had got, and will take back their share of the dish they made in their own serving ware. That way the host does not have to wash the guest's serving dish, or divvy the food etc.

In our circles, every household had restaurant quality doggy bag containers and ziplock bags, just for this purpose.

This sounds like a potluck. Which isn’t what OP described at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This happens at all my hosted brunches or dinners with this group. It’s not a potluck. And this is like 4 groups of friends all taking their items back. Half eaten guacamole, even scooping out of the serving dish. Half bag of chips. Sometimes they ask if you’re not going to eat this I’ll take it back. But I feel like it’s rude for me to say yes please leave it. So I say they can have it back but just the fact that they take it back or ask I feel is rude and don’t know if there is anything I can politely say about it. Oh well. Thank you for making me feel normal lol!

Why would you want to keep it? When they offer food, just decline.

If someone brings brownies I’m 💯 keeping ALL the leftovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my circles, it is very common for people to divvie up all dishes equally, and take their share of their dish in the serving container.

Lets assume that there are 6 couples, and every couple brought a dish. At the end of the meal, each couple will divide the leftover for their dish in 6 parts and put it in disposable containers. They will leave their share in the serving dish they had got, and will take back their share of the dish they made in their own serving ware. That way the host does not have to wash the guest's serving dish, or divvy the food etc.

In our circles, every household had restaurant quality doggy bag containers and ziplock bags, just for this purpose.

Also - the hostess will let the guests know that she wants all the food to be divvied up. If the hostess does not say anything then the food remains with the hostess. No body takes their food or container back.

Where are these rules coming from? Did op let the guests know what she wanted to do? Doesn’t sound like she had this rule book and wanted people to read her mind and yet they took the food anyway.

Polite society. This is where these rules come from. You are socialized with them from your family of origin, and if not, you should learn culturally throughout social activities, work and school.

Are you new here? We are not all of the same culture or background. What’s rude to you is customary to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This happens at all my hosted brunches or dinners with this group. It’s not a potluck. And this is like 4 groups of friends all taking their items back. Half eaten guacamole, even scooping out of the serving dish. Half bag of chips. Sometimes they ask if you’re not going to eat this I’ll take it back. But I feel like it’s rude for me to say yes please leave it. So I say they can have it back but just the fact that they take it back or ask I feel is rude and don’t know if there is anything I can politely say about it. Oh well. Thank you for making me feel normal lol!

It's not rude to say, "Oh, I'm really looking forward to having more of that! Do you want me to put it in one of my dishes so you can take yours with you?"

It would be rude to say, "Just leave it and I'll compost it" or "It's mine now; I deserve some leftovers after all the effort I went to for you"

I think its weird to just keep everything as the host, even people’s dishes. Some seem to be suggesting you can’t even take your personal bowls or dishes with you and must make a special trip back to get it once the host is done using it and has eaten everything formerly in it. That’s a bit extreme.

[Anonymous]

This is always awkward, because, as a host, some foods I know I'll eat later, and other foods will be tossed, but I don't want to be rude to either group of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

It seems super rude to me, too. The host has dibs. Then the person who brought it gets to decide to offer it to other guests or take it home.

I don't know... if you are asking people to bring food to your party, you are hosting a potluck. The etiquette for a potluck is that everyone takes their items home. You can't have it both ways.

OP did not ask them to bring food; they offered or asked what they could bring. She had planned to provide all the food. That is not a potluck.

If she planned to provide all of the food, then she must have a lot extra if everyone brought a dish. Ergo... she is odd to wonder why they aren't leaving the food there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

It seems super rude to me, too. The host has dibs. Then the person who brought it gets to decide to offer it to other guests or take it home.

I don't know... if you are asking people to bring food to your party, you are hosting a potluck. The etiquette for a potluck is that everyone takes their items home. You can't have it both ways.

This. I don't "host" pot-lucks, but seems normal to me. If I am hosting, I provide all the food and beverages for my guest.

Maybe this is a regional etiquette thing? I have never been to a 'potluck' where the expectation was taking it home. You go to someone's house, you don't take what you brought back, this is just super rude unless the host is offering/encouraging.

Agree with others I would in fact go out of my way to transfer whatever I brought to bring my dish home and that is IT.

New England culturally FWIW.

Actually, hosting a "potluck" isn't really hosting at all. So, you go to a potluck at church or in the neighborhood and you don't take your leftover food home? A potluck is a gathering where everyone contributed equally. Why would someone claim all of the food if they did not provide it?

[Anonymous]

Who are these cave people who think it is ok to take back their contributions or help themselves to leftovers? This is entirely up to the host whether she would like to offer leftovers back to the contributors or other guests. OP’s friends either sound cheap, self absorbed, or especially obsessed with food waste, but rude no matter the reason.

[Anonymous]

Always plan to leave the food. Often the host insists that people take plates home though.

[Anonymous]

A potluck? You take home or offer to others what you brought.

A different experience. Friend went to a super bowl party. Baked and brought a crab dip and baguette to warm and slice. The host put it in the kitchen, never served it (ordered in pizza to go with some chips) and then kept her baking/serving dish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A potluck? You take home or offer to others what you brought.

A different experience. Friend went to a super bowl party. Baked and brought a crab dip and baguette to warm and slice. The host put it in the kitchen, never served it (ordered in pizza to go with some chips) and then kept her baking/serving dish.

Why wouldn't your friend just ask for the dish back? I am on team if you bring something, you leave it, even if it's barely touched, but if I brought my own dish I would politely offer to transfer it to something else for the host and take my dish home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask the host what they prefer.
What I don't understand is when other people (the guests) descend upon leftover food and take it home without invitation from the host. To me, that's super rude!

It seems super rude to me, too. The host has dibs. Then the person who brought it gets to decide to offer it to other guests or take it home.

I don't know... if you are asking people to bring food to your party, you are hosting a potluck. The etiquette for a potluck is that everyone takes their items home. You can't have it both ways.

OP did not ask them to bring food; they offered or asked what they could bring. She had planned to provide all the food. That is not a potluck.

If she planned to provide all of the food, then she must have a lot extra if everyone brought a dish. Ergo... she is odd to wonder why they aren't leaving the food there.

It doesn't matter how much food there is, taking back something you brought is hideously rude. You apparently received no home training as a child.