Losing respect for dh over passivity about the election

[Anonymous]

Your husband is voting for Trump but doesn’t want you to know. Make him record filling in his ballot on his phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fair to be irritated because this is something you care about and he is being dismissive. It would not be a heavy lift to write some GOTV postcards together. It's also fair to reevaluate whether you still have shared values.

However, it might be helpful to imagine him canvassing with you (or whatever) and ask whether that would actually make you feel better. It might not.

You also sound like a nutjob

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is voting for Trump but doesn’t want you to know. Make him record filling in his ballot on his phone.

This is crazy.

[Anonymous]

OP, he may also be trying to stay calm because it wouldn’t be healthy for your household if two of you were this amped up daily. He may also be trying to tamp his own anxiety down. Who knows, maybe he secretly is voting for Trump, but it’s also just as likely that he’s voting for Harris but isn’t passionately worked up.

I’m incredibly anxious as is my DH. He spends every evening watching CNN and reading polls while I am trying to decrease the amount of news I ingest right now as it’s just increasing my own fears. All I can do now is vote.

Give him grace that you’re both handling this in your own ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he may also be trying to stay calm because it wouldn’t be healthy for your household if two of you were this amped up daily. He may also be trying to tamp his own anxiety down. Who knows, maybe he secretly is voting for Trump, but it’s also just as likely that he’s voting for Harris but isn’t passionately worked up.

I’m incredibly anxious as is my DH. He spends every evening watching CNN and reading polls while I am trying to decrease the amount of news I ingest right now as it’s just increasing my own fears. All I can do now is vote.

Give him grace that you’re both handling this in your own ways.

^ This might be right. My husband is so upset about this election he can't even talk about it (and no, he is absolutely not voting for Trump). It could be your husband's way of dealing with stress is to turn off and disassociate.

That said - telling you it doesn't matter is profoundly unhelpful. And I really disagree about phone banking and canvassing not mattering. Every single vote matters this time and if you can reach even a few people, that actually COULD make a difference.

I don't know how you navigate this, OP. I'd imagine part of what's bothering you is that you feel like your husband is simply checking out of something that really matters - matters to you and matters to the world - and it's probably making you not trust him to have appropriate levels of engagement and concern about other important things. It probably also feels existentially dire to you - it sure does to me - and you feel like your husband, like so many men, simply aren't taking seriously how much women are feeling and doing right now.

It might help to talk to a therapist - together or alone - just to get that perspective, and to help you both develop tools to help you deal with this together. Does he know how alone this is making you feel? I hope if he doesn't, that he would be willing to work with you once he learns.

[Anonymous]

What you should be more concerned about is our safety and security. Crime in this country is up 45% and we’re on the verge of world war 3. Inflation is through the roof and people can’t afford to live. You want four more years of that ?

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of women are still simmering about how men stood by while a rapist was elected and systematically worked to overturn Roe and strip away more of our rights. I think we should be. My DH was the same way. He doesn't know how upsetting the Kavanaugh hearings were, he doesn't feel the weight of misogyny that is behind Trump's first win, and he thinks "everything will be fine" even though nothing is fine. No advice, I just feel you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you should be more concerned about is our safety and security. Crime in this country is up 45% and we’re on the verge of world war 3. Inflation is through the roof and people can’t afford to live. You want four more years of that ?

You think Trump is going to fix that? Or is he going to further strip away women's basic rights, give safe harbor to nazis again, completely dismantle the checks and balances in place in our government along with all procedural norms, do unethical things to enrich himself, and destroy the environment... you know, like he did last time. And if you think Jan 6 was not much... I think you should be incredibly worried about what happens when his second term ends or he dies. Our democracy is already pretty much an oligarchy and any shred of our constitution that is left is going down in flames with another Trump term.

[Anonymous]

If your husband plans to vote for Harris, why can’t you respect that he isn’t one who ones to go out and Proselytize or canvas? There’s a big difference in supporting a candidate and wanting to go work in a campaign. Many people are not comfortable with the latter. As long as he supports you as you volunteer, why is this a big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you should be more concerned about is our safety and security. Crime in this country is up 45% and we’re on the verge of world war 3. Inflation is through the roof and people can’t afford to live. You want four more years of that ?

You think Trump is going to fix that? Or is he going to further strip away women's basic rights, give safe harbor to nazis again, completely dismantle the checks and balances in place in our government along with all procedural norms, do unethical things to enrich himself, and destroy the environment... you know, like he did last time. And if you think Jan 6 was not much... I think you should be incredibly worried about what happens when his second term ends or he dies. Our democracy is already pretty much an oligarchy and any shred of our constitution that is left is going down in flames with another Trump term.

Your worried about democracy ? How about the democrats booting Biden which was necessary as his cognitive decline was bad, (which Kamala covered up and lied about for years ) and then installing Kamala without even having a primary election ? Thats not a democracy, that’s a dictatorship. Not to mention having your political opponent arrested on fabricated charges where the statute of limitations had already expired. That’s what they do in third world countries. Yet you want to say the democrats are the party of democracy ? LOL you can’t make it up.

[Anonymous]

Better than my DH, who may not be a Trumper but is anti liberal.

[Anonymous]

My spouse also gets angry with me when I don’t match her intensity for various events, my mission is providing for my family during a time where my expenses are exploding, I’m doing my best to keep our heads above water and I don’t have the time, money, skill or access to somehow influence legislation. Not sure why having a Y chromosome made be the local representative and spokesman for Hamas or some religious zealot who helped ban abortion in their town

I get inundated with horrible news all day long, sure it’s important to know things but the I can’t do anything about any of it; oh my God can you believe what’s happening in the Middle East, I can’t imagine the suffering… OK, the only thing I can do is send some money to feed the children. A woman died during miscarriage in Texas because no one would do a D&C, that is state sanctioned murder of a woman! OK, all I can do is send some money to Planned Parenthood. Did you see how the FDA barely inspects imported food for dangerous chemicals, we are ingesting poison! OK, all I can do is shop at Whole Foods and pray their distributors are honest with them.

Besides sending some money to people who may or may not use it the way they say they will or voting for people that may or may not do what they say they’re going to do I feel like there is a very little we can do as regular middle-class non-influential citizens.
I am happy to join in a fair fight but see absolutely no reason to put my family in jeopardy to tilt against a fortune 50 company or foreign or domestic government.

Use the energy you have generated in being angry with him and put it to something positive, if you can think of a better way than donating money or voting please let us all know and we’ll join you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of women are still simmering about how men stood by while a rapist was elected and systematically worked to overturn Roe and strip away more of our rights. I think we should be. My DH was the same way. He doesn't know how upsetting the Kavanaugh hearings were, he doesn't feel the weight of misogyny that is behind Trump's first win, and he thinks "everything will be fine" even though nothing is fine. No advice, I just feel you.

Are those women also simmering about all the women that stood by while that same person was elected? More white women voted for Trump than Hillary but keep blaming all your problems on men. That's more convenient

[Anonymous]

You're setting a pretty high bar for your husband. A very small subset of people actively volunteer with a campaign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of women are still simmering about how men stood by while a rapist was elected and systematically worked to overturn Roe and strip away more of our rights. I think we should be. My DH was the same way. He doesn't know how upsetting the Kavanaugh hearings were, he doesn't feel the weight of misogyny that is behind Trump's first win, and he thinks "everything will be fine" even though nothing is fine. No advice, I just feel you.

I imagine if he’s married to you your husband is fair, respectful and honest with you and all the other women in his life and most likely isn’t a misogynist or bigot.
If your husband isn’t an elected official how could he do anything else but standby like every other man and woman who were appalled at what we all got to watch?

Did you want him to storm the Supreme Court? Did you want him to use up all of his PTO to make signs and walk around and shout about the injustice?

Unless he has a massive trust fund your husband is probably consumed with anxiety over the house, job stability, mortgage, saving for college, retirement, the weird lump he found, how fast is eyebrows seem to grow etc… seriously, what did you want him to do about Brett Kavanaugh?