PSA-Hoco

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but no.

These schools have enrollments of 2,000 to 4,000 kids.

You expect kids to reach out to the one kid they sit next to spanish class to see if they want to join?

That's just insane, and the fact that you think this should be happening for your kid is concerning. You need to encourage your kid to widen their circle

No one said that and you know it. Your kid likely has a "friend" on the perimeter of the friend circle. Extend an invite to that person.

But yes, like a pp noted, mean parents, mean kids.

That's literally what OP said. She said "have your kids reach out to the kids they know to make sure that if they want to go, they have someone to go with."

My DD probably knows HUNDREDS of kids at school, and her HoCo group was 12.

If you're teaching your kid that the other are "mean kids" because they aren't reaching out to include them, then you're setting your kid for a lot of hurt feelings and lonely nights in their future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems like an odd approach. My son didn't have anyone to go with (his closer friends did not want to), so he reached out to more casual friends from his sports team and asked to join, and they said yes. He had a good time, but I would not have expected them to ask him to join them - they would assume he was going with his closer friend group.

This. This is how its done

This seems so obvious. Why can’t the kid who wants to go ask some people if its ok to tag along? If asked directly I would think most would say yes.

Yes, as the PP that said "my kids are not responsible for other people's social lives", I would expect my kids to say Yes and to be welcoming to anyone that asked if they could tag along.

But asking them to canvas everyone they know at school to make sure they have plans is obviously ridiculous.

I agree, though if my child did not like someone who asked I wouldn't expect them to say yes.

Yes, very true. In this scenario, it was more like a "friend from math class" but not someone they normally hang out. If it was someone they don't care for, they 100% absolutely do not have to spend their personal time with them

[Anonymous]

It could be painful if they’re included and if they don’t make themselves part of the group.

Not the same situation, but my dd has a best friend in a lower grade. She also has a group in her grade. She invited all to her party.

The sole best friend didn’t know anyone. My dd hung out with her as much as she could at the party, but she couldn’t ignore everyone else. I watched from the side of the pool. Younger best friend honestly.. could have made herself welcome in the group. Maybe it wasn’t going to work if she didn’t feel confident. From the big group, some tried to especially include her, too…

If the outsider friend doesn’t go all-in they could end up even more miserable, still feeling on the outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be painful if they’re included and if they don’t make themselves part of the group.

Not the same situation, but my dd has a best friend in a lower grade. She also has a group in her grade. She invited all to her party.

The sole best friend didn’t know anyone. My dd hung out with her as much as she could at the party, but she couldn’t ignore everyone else. I watched from the side of the pool. Younger best friend honestly.. could have made herself welcome in the group. Maybe it wasn’t going to work if she didn’t feel confident. From the big group, some tried to especially include her, too…

If the outsider friend doesn’t go all-in they could end up even more miserable, still feeling on the outside.

This is a great point

[Anonymous]

Kids who your kid is not friends with don't know if your kid wants to go or not. It's on your kid to reach out and see what happens. Nobody owes your kid a party. As PP said, high schools have 2000 to 3000 people, so it's not "add 1 kid to your party", more like "add 100 kids". You don't get to invited to all your colleagues parties, do you?

[Anonymous]

It is a nice idea, OP.

[Anonymous]

I am seeing groups of 15+ kids gathered. It is a true shame if those kids weren't somewhat aware/able to include one or two others who didn't have a friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am seeing groups of 15+ kids gathered. It is a true shame if those kids weren't somewhat aware/able to include one or two others who didn't have a friend group.

Maybe that’s how the group blew up to 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, but no.

These schools have enrollments of 2,000 to 4,000 kids.

You expect kids to reach out to the one kid they sit next to spanish class to see if they want to join?

That's just insane, and the fact that you think this should be happening for your kid is concerning. You need to encourage your kid to widen their circle

No one said that and you know it. Your kid likely has a "friend" on the perimeter of the friend circle. Extend an invite to that person.

But yes, like a pp noted, mean parents, mean kids.

+2 NP

[Anonymous]

It's fine to ask to be nice, but I reject the premise that it is necessarily a significant change to someone's high school experience whether or not they go. My son is a junior and has never been. He seems to have a good group of friends at school through Robotics and tennis team.

[Anonymous]

My kid’s prom group expanded to over 25. They had a lot of kids add on- some not part of “core group” but maybe friends with one of the kids through religious school or whatever. It was nice to be inclusive. But yeah - at some point the bus and restaurant reservations, if applicable, do reach their max.

My younger reached out to maybe a dozen kids for HoCo to ask who wanted in on the dinner reservation. I encouraged that so logistically they could plan while also giving people an early option. I had DC make the reservation for two more than said were coming and those spots have been filled.

You don’t have to and can’t invite everyone but I encouraged my kids to think about who might need an invite.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is only suggesting that people encourage their teens to show some kindness to people on the fringes of a group. Or like, consider your friend Marla's friend Larla who doesn't have many friends besides Marla. OP isn't suggesting to be inclusive of total randos you don't even know. And obviously it doesn't mean invite kids who are outcasts for a good reason (drugs, drinking, other bad behavior).

Unfortunately, many teens think if they are seen with someone who is less cool then they will catch uncoolness, as if it were a contagious disease.

[Anonymous]

Mean kids have mean parents, nothing new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not even talking about the socially awkward kid but my own kid (who had plans for Hoco) didn't even ask some of her own friends if they had made plans. It turns one didn't have plans and was left out. How difficult would it have been for her to check on her friends and to include the ones that didn't get attached to a friend group? Just a kinder world.

Why couldn't that child check in with her friends and see what everyone was doing if she wanted to go some badly?

Speaking as a former "fringe kid" OP and people who think like her are not doing their " fringe kids" any favors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That seems like an odd approach. My son didn't have anyone to go with (his closer friends did not want to), so he reached out to more casual friends from his sports team and asked to join, and they said yes. He had a good time, but I would not have expected them to ask him to join them - they would assume he was going with his closer friend group.

Good job mom! You've have taught your son well that his social life and his anxiety is his to manage not everyone ele's to cater to.