Helping neighbor kids onto morning bus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:do NOT respond.

This. She will get the message that you aren’t claiming responsibility for her kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really want her to stop then the next time she asks say "I'm not sure -- I was talking to my kids and not paying attention to who is getting on. Sorry!"

Do this once or twice and on other days wait a few hours to reply and then so "sorry just seeing this! got bogged down with work this morning."

You are making yourself useful to her right now. If you resent that then become less useful and she will leave you alone.

This is good advice. But OP, be prepared to be treated as you are treated. Most go through tough times in life. Maybe you won’t and therefore won’t need help from others, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world can you not just give a thumbs up emoji in response?

I mean, I guess you have a right to be annoyed, but just be a decent human being and spend the (what?) 1-2 seconds to respond? Maybe the other parent has anxiety? Maybe someday you'll need help and this is good karma banking?

The parents on this board are always looking for a reason to be upset. In this case, let it go.

I would maybe the first day or two, but I’m not responding daily. I’d ignore her text after the first couple days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you really want her to stop then the next time she asks say "I'm not sure -- I was talking to my kids and not paying attention to who is getting on. Sorry!"

Do this once or twice and on other days wait a few hours to reply and then so "sorry just seeing this! got bogged down with work this morning."

You are making yourself useful to her right now. If you resent that then become less useful and she will leave you alone.

This is good advice. But OP, be prepared to be treated as you are treated. Most go through tough times in life. Maybe you won’t and therefore won’t need help from others, ever.

This is such a typical DCUM dramatic post. If the mom feels her child is self sufficient enough to send him to the bus stop alone then she doesn’t need to text OP every day for confirmation or expect OP to take responsibility. OP could also say she doesn’t always notice who is or isn’t at the bus stop but if she notices her kid missing the bus she’ll be glad to let her know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all you hair-trigger people?!

I have always walked or driven my kids to school, but I would not feel put-upon in the least if another parent checked-in every morning. Just send a thumbs up. If you don't go to the bus stop one day, just respond "wasn't there today".

No need to make a grand gesture!!! One day you might need a neighbor's goodwill. I sure did a few times, when I had health issues and needed my neighbors and friends to pick my kids up from school and get them to their activities. What comes around goes around. Replying to a text is such a small gesture you can do for another human being.

I mean really, are you so easily irritated by non-events?!? No wonder this country is so divided on everything, and has a massive panic attack on every single societal concept.

Seriously, chill.

I might have thought this before my neighbor did it to me, but it actually gets to be a lot. For someone where you have a reciprocal relationship of close friends? Cool. For someone who is a casual acquaintance where you suddenly feel responsible for their kid? You can't chill about someone else's kid.

This is the part that you don't seem to get. All the parent is asking is whether the kid got on the bus. It's a yes or no.

Insofar as you are a parent at a bus stop full of kids, you are not more responsible for this kid than any other unaccompanied kid at the bus stop. Personally, I feel equally responsible - in a non-stressful, motherly sort of way - for ALL the kids at the bus stop. So do the other parents at the bus stop. We're all looking out for every kid. It's not a burden at all.

So yes, I can completely chill out at the bus stop. I bring my dog. I chit chat. I keep an eye out. At times I've told the driver to stop, there's a kid running towards us who's late. Nothing about this is stressful.

And you don't seem to understand that favors don't need to be returned instantly. You are building a community. Some of my neighbors who casually employed my tweens/teens for yard work, snow removal and dog sitting were then more than happy to act as references for their college jobs. Stop looking at this in an immediate transactional way. The support you get from your community may take years to come to fruition, but it may be valuable nonetheless.

If you want to be responsible for texting your neighbor about their kid, good for you. Not everyone wants to do this. Some of us don’t like receiving daily texts from neighbors feeling obligated to make sure their kid is on the bus. Also, the neighbor didn’t even ask if it was ok to text them everyday regarding their child. Neighbor just assumed OP is ok with making sure their child got on the bus. OP did not ask or agree to extra duties. It’s overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn’t trust that her kid is old enough to get on the bus ok, then she shouldn’t be sending him alone. I could see texting about the bus for the first few days of school etc but not after that.

I wouldn’t want to be responsible for monitoring whether someone else’s kid is getting on the bus every AM. I would help if I noticed an issue, or contact parent if I notice an issue- mo problem there. But daily confirmation? Why? My kid went to the bus stop alone at that age and if he did not return, I assumed he’d gotten on the bus. As any normal parent would. If she is nervous she can use an AirTag or other technology solution.

[Anonymous]

These posters insisting that it's not a big deal are either doormats who are afraid of saying anything or are the culprits in these situations. We aren't talking about an occasional check in about the bus stop. It's happening every single day. There was no discussion ahead of time about looking out for each other's kids or helping one another out. The other mother hasn't even acknowledged that she is texting OP every single day--no "hey I really appreciate you letting me know every day since I can't be there..." They aren't close friends (doesn't sound like the kids are either). This isn't "it takes a village" when one parent only wants to take and not give. This is not what a community of parents helping each other looks like. This is one person taking advantage of someone else's kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all you hair-trigger people?!

I have always walked or driven my kids to school, but I would not feel put-upon in the least if another parent checked-in every morning. Just send a thumbs up. If you don't go to the bus stop one day, just respond "wasn't there today".

No need to make a grand gesture!!! One day you might need a neighbor's goodwill. I sure did a few times, when I had health issues and needed my neighbors and friends to pick my kids up from school and get them to their activities. What comes around goes around. Replying to a text is such a small gesture you can do for another human being.

I mean really, are you so easily irritated by non-events?!? No wonder this country is so divided on everything, and has a massive panic attack on every single societal concept.

Seriously, chill.

I might have thought this before my neighbor did it to me, but it actually gets to be a lot. For someone where you have a reciprocal relationship of close friends? Cool. For someone who is a casual acquaintance where you suddenly feel responsible for their kid? You can't chill about someone else's kid.

This is the part that you don't seem to get. All the parent is asking is whether the kid got on the bus. It's a yes or no.

Insofar as you are a parent at a bus stop full of kids, you are not more responsible for this kid than any other unaccompanied kid at the bus stop. Personally, I feel equally responsible - in a non-stressful, motherly sort of way - for ALL the kids at the bus stop. So do the other parents at the bus stop. We're all looking out for every kid. It's not a burden at all.

So yes, I can completely chill out at the bus stop. I bring my dog. I chit chat. I keep an eye out. At times I've told the driver to stop, there's a kid running towards us who's late. Nothing about this is stressful.

And you don't seem to understand that favors don't need to be returned instantly. You are building a community. Some of my neighbors who casually employed my tweens/teens for yard work, snow removal and dog sitting were then more than happy to act as references for their college jobs. Stop looking at this in an immediate transactional way. The support you get from your community may take years to come to fruition, but it may be valuable nonetheless.

I'm confused by you relating the bolded to OP's situation. Your neighbors casually employeed your tweens/teens. Which means they paid them. Then they paid them even more later. That's cool. But it's also not your neighbors expecting your kids or you to do free labor. Would you have been thrilled if your neighbor said, "Oh, I see Larlo has the snow shovel out. Could he just get my driveway done while he's there?" Probably not. And yes, shoveling takes a lot more time than a text. But still - your kid getting paid to do work for the neighbor (my kids have done that too!) is not the same as one mom expecting another to check on her kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. The child is old enough to go to the bus stop on their own. You are not "doing" anything.

The issue is that answering 1 text every day is burdensome?

The neighbor has found the thread.

Op, I’d employ all of the above. Slow fade, delayed response, I wasn’t paying attention…

If people want to know why the village is crumbling it is that no one is reasonable anymore.

A day or two of texts is fine. Expecting a response every day for the rest of the year is taking advantage and not fine.

[Anonymous]

There is a big difference between neighbors looking out for each other’s kids in the event there is a problem (always happy to do that!) vs expecting neighbors to handle day-to-day issues.

My tween stays home alone for short periods and I’m certainly not asking the neighbors to go and check on her or monitor her daily. If she needed that, I’d not be letting her stay home alone. However I’m grateful we have neighbors who we could ask IF she needed something (has never happened) or if they noticed anything amiss or unusual (which has also never happened).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. The child is old enough to go to the bus stop on their own. You are not "doing" anything.

The issue is that answering 1 text every day is burdensome?

The neighbor has found the thread.

Op, I’d employ all of the above. Slow fade, delayed response, I wasn’t paying attention…

If people want to know why the village is crumbling it is that no one is reasonable anymore.

A day or two of texts is fine. Expecting a response every day for the rest of the year is taking advantage and not fine.

+1 to you and the poster below you.

[Anonymous]

I would just react to the text but also let her know that you don’t always check your phone and sometimes you don’t go to the bus stop. It sounds like she’s not comfortable with how things are and may not have much choice in the matter so I’d be inclined to do this tiny thing

[Anonymous]

This is one of those threads where I really wish the OP would post a follow-up at some point, but it never happens. OP got a lot of good advice, and if she's not a troll I hope she starts a new thread in a week or two to tell us which advice she took and how it worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:do NOT respond.

This. She will get the message that you aren’t claiming responsibility for her kid

+1 maybe respond a few hours late. Also tell her the school would call if the child did not make it to school and give the school ph#. OP you already did the neighborly thing for weeks now, time to do a slow fade. That mom's anxiety is not yours to manage.

[Anonymous]

I think part of the divide is that some of us feel a thumbs-up on the days we are there and see the kid get on the bus is NBD, and some of us feel some responsibility for ensuring this kid gets to school and are thus uncomfortable.

And then of course there are a few people that fall into neither camp and are just put out by the whole thing.

I too hope OP comes back next week with a follow up post!