Helping neighbor kids onto morning bus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bus stop is triggering for me. Everyone seemed to think I was a SAHM and would just not come to the bus stop in the afternoon. Then I would have to make phone calls and people would be kind of rude, "it's my ex's turn" or "oh, man, can you just walk them home". I would get phone calls, "I'm running late, please get Larla". And don't even mention half days. Ugh. So I had to drop the bus stop rope. One day I didn't show up because my DD had an appointment and it was utter chaos at the bus stop. Now I have my kid in activities after school. When she does take the bus, I take her from the stop and just walk home without looking back. The other parents got the message. I definitely had to work on my boundaries.

The texting from the mom wouldn't bother me.

Thanks for sharing this. People beeching about the imaginary village they build in their heads don't understand that THIS is what the village is really like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why in the world can you not just give a thumbs up emoji in response?

I mean, I guess you have a right to be annoyed, but just be a decent human being and spend the (what?) 1-2 seconds to respond? Maybe the other parent has anxiety? Maybe someday you'll need help and this is good karma banking?

The parents on this board are always looking for a reason to be upset. In this case, let it go.

If they “have anxiety,” they can walk their own kid to the bus stop and watch them get on every damn day

And don’t start writing fanfic like “well, what if they can’t? What if they have CANCER?”

I agree some posters are doing extreme mental gymnastics to justify the neighbor's neediness.

OP, any update?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bus stop is triggering for me. Everyone seemed to think I was a SAHM and would just not come to the bus stop in the afternoon. Then I would have to make phone calls and people would be kind of rude, "it's my ex's turn" or "oh, man, can you just walk them home". I would get phone calls, "I'm running late, please get Larla". And don't even mention half days. Ugh. So I had to drop the bus stop rope. One day I didn't show up because my DD had an appointment and it was utter chaos at the bus stop. Now I have my kid in activities after school. When she does take the bus, I take her from the stop and just walk home without looking back. The other parents got the message. I definitely had to work on my boundaries.

The texting from the mom wouldn't bother me.

Thanks for sharing this. People beeching about the imaginary village they build in their heads don't understand that THIS is what the village is really like.

I don’t understand how there was “utter chaos” when the posters daughter didn’t ride the bus in the afternoon. I would like details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The bus stop is triggering for me. Everyone seemed to think I was a SAHM and would just not come to the bus stop in the afternoon. Then I would have to make phone calls and people would be kind of rude, "it's my ex's turn" or "oh, man, can you just walk them home". I would get phone calls, "I'm running late, please get Larla". And don't even mention half days. Ugh. So I had to drop the bus stop rope. One day I didn't show up because my DD had an appointment and it was utter chaos at the bus stop. Now I have my kid in activities after school. When she does take the bus, I take her from the stop and just walk home without looking back. The other parents got the message. I definitely had to work on my boundaries.

The texting from the mom wouldn't bother me.

This reminds me of the K “village” mom who had a little kindergartener. MCPS requires kindergartner to be picked up by someone. Mom would be late and forget to pick up her little girl all the time. Like a dummy I would step in and help so that the little girl wouldn’t have to be returned to the school by the bus driver. I would walk out of my way to take the little girl home. I barely received an acknowledgment, maybe sometimes a wave out of the door.

One day I just got sick of it and fed up and told the bus driver I was not going to be responsible for her anymore and so the bus driver had to drive the girl back to the school and the mom had to pick her up from there. That happened once. Guess who always Made it to the bus stop on time from then on?

[Anonymous]

Block her number. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be really annoyed. How lazy and entitled of that other parent! She needs confirmation but can't be bothered to go to the bus stop herself? If there was a specific reason she couldn't come--she's at work, medical issues--that's different and she should first ASK if you can keep on eye on her kid. But just sending your kid on their own and then expecting another parent to make sure the kid gets on the bus without even asking is entitled and lazy.

For the next couple of days, I'd ignore the text for a few hours. Then I'd randomly drive my kids to school a few other days. Maybe she'll get the hint.

You must dislike your neighbors. If you are ever in a bind, please don't reach out to any.

Jesus, you people have abysmal reading comprehension. It’s not a “bind.” It’s E V E R Y D A Y.

I can read and type letters, proper case, in succession. You?

[Anonymous]

I don’t see how OP IS “responsible”?

If this is the first time kid has been getting themselves to the bus, I think it’s natural for the parent to feel concerned. For me, after a few days I’d figure my kid had it and jot follow up again, but then again, I’d also have the discussion with the other parents that we were having kid figure this out themselves and I’d appreciate if the parents can just keep part of an eye out the first few days - and then watch from the sidelines myself to make sure kid was figuring it out, coursing streets properly, etc., which is what I did.

Maybe because I’m not American, but I don’t see the heavy responsibility here, as the mom is just asking p, so the answer could be “sorry! Didn’t see Larlo board the bus!” “Sorry, drove Larla instead!”

I guess my neighbourhood is different. We all watch out for each other’s kids. If I’m walking my kid anyway, there’s not a single reason in the world I can’t just notice the other kid and respond. This isn’t a responsibility - it’s a kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how OP IS “responsible”?

If this is the first time kid has been getting themselves to the bus, I think it’s natural for the parent to feel concerned. For me, after a few days I’d figure my kid had it and jot follow up again, but then again, I’d also have the discussion with the other parents that we were having kid figure this out themselves and I’d appreciate if the parents can just keep part of an eye out the first few days - and then watch from the sidelines myself to make sure kid was figuring it out, coursing streets properly, etc., which is what I did.

Maybe because I’m not American, but I don’t see the heavy responsibility here, as the mom is just asking p, so the answer could be “sorry! Didn’t see Larlo board the bus!” “Sorry, drove Larla instead!”

I guess my neighbourhood is different. We all watch out for each other’s kids. If I’m walking my kid anyway, there’s not a single reason in the world I can’t just notice the other kid and respond. This isn’t a responsibility - it’s a kindness.

I think OP would have less of an issue watching out for the neighbor's kid if the neighbor didn't text daily. Like I have no issue looking out for neighborhood kids when I'm out -- making sure they get across a street okay or checking on a kid who falls down on the playground and asking if they need anything or want me to text their parent or whatever.

But if one of my neighbors was texting me every single day asking me if their kid was okay I'd eventually be like "if you are this stressed about it please come look yourself." Like I don't mind looking out at all but if you pester me about it constantly I will start to get tired of being pestered. Either you trust the neighbors to keep an eye out and let you know if anything is amiss or you don't. If you don't the thing to do is walk your kid ot the bus stop not constantly check in on the neighbors to make sure they are watching out for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Op, I only have the advice that everyone here blaming, shaming, speculating, etc. wants to. You could co time to seethe, resent, stomp your feet and post on DCUM or…

You could try the lessons of Daniel Tiger

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FjDbhBlx_nQ

[Anonymous]

I understand OP's frustration. I have neighbor who is always doing stuff like this to me. Texting me for only stuff she needs. If I don't respond right away she texts again and then says that I'm mean, etc. She never texts me to invite the kids over for a playdate, it's always when she needs something - and yes, even responding to a daily text that a kid got on the bus becomes a burden that adds resentment. If OP's neighbor is so concerned, she can get an Airtag for her kid or walk the kid to the bus stop herself. Here's another tip OP - if you ever are looking for an easy way to identify a user, it's usually the moms saying how they "love their village!". Anyone who is preaching about how great their village is, is someone who is going to take advantage and not offer the same I return. Maybe I seem cynical, but I've lived in Northern VA way too long and been burned too many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand OP's frustration. I have neighbor who is always doing stuff like this to me. Texting me for only stuff she needs. If I don't respond right away she texts again and then says that I'm mean, etc. She never texts me to invite the kids over for a playdate, it's always when she needs something - and yes, even responding to a daily text that a kid got on the bus becomes a burden that adds resentment. If OP's neighbor is so concerned, she can get an Airtag for her kid or walk the kid to the bus stop herself. Here's another tip OP - if you ever are looking for an easy way to identify a user, it's usually the moms saying how they "love their village!". Anyone who is preaching about how great their village is, is someone who is going to take advantage and not offer the same I return. Maybe I seem cynical, but I've lived in Northern VA way too long and been burned too many times.

No, you need to say what you mean.

Some people love their villages because they feed those villages. They support them. They understand give and take. They also state their abilities, preferences and boundaries clearly, concisely and honestly. They dont do things for approval or expecting reciprocation. They also don’t tend to see every minor inconvenience as a major and insurmountable burden. They also work with people when they’re having trouble, with the faith that the other party will do the same. The amazing thing is in a village, even if that person never can, others can and will. That’s a village.

What makes me kind of laugh is how burdened people here feel of abbreviation from their lives. It’s not because they’re busier or more burdened than others. I think it’s that most people don’t have help and think you should hire help. Go to communities who are struggling, and you will see families helping each other all over the place. Think meal trains because UBer Eats isn’t an option if your neighbour broke their leg.

DCUM people seem to think that asking for help is a terminal weakness and I’m here, as a gen x, to say it’s not. People, as long as we have been people, need community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how OP IS “responsible”?

If this is the first time kid has been getting themselves to the bus, I think it’s natural for the parent to feel concerned. For me, after a few days I’d figure my kid had it and jot follow up again, but then again, I’d also have the discussion with the other parents that we were having kid figure this out themselves and I’d appreciate if the parents can just keep part of an eye out the first few days - and then watch from the sidelines myself to make sure kid was figuring it out, coursing streets properly, etc., which is what I did.

Maybe because I’m not American, but I don’t see the heavy responsibility here, as the mom is just asking p, so the answer could be “sorry! Didn’t see Larlo board the bus!” “Sorry, drove Larla instead!”

I guess my neighbourhood is different. We all watch out for each other’s kids. If I’m walking my kid anyway, there’s not a single reason in the world I can’t just notice the other kid and respond. This isn’t a responsibility - it’s a kindness.

And that’s why you stay and watch them.

If you’re not concerned, then you just let them go, which many people do.

And it’s not about being American or watching out for people‘s kids in general. I watch out for your kids and my neighbor’s houses and everything under the sun, but if I start getting texts every day about it then that’s the annoyance.

[Anonymous]

I would:
1. Look out for the kid and help them if they needed help.
2. Text the mom if there was anything I think she needs to know about.
3. Tell the mom that I’m focused on my kid / running to work and I don’t always have my phone out to see her text and respond but I will certainly let her know if anything is awry.

Basically I don’t want to be officially on the hook to babysit when no one ever asked me “would you mind watching Larlo?” However, I would keep an eye on the kid because it’s not their fault their parent can’t stand outside for 5-10 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just glad I live in a normal neighborhood after reading this depressing thread. We all look out for each others kids in a very , very chill way. I’d never assume I was taking responsibility for babysitting someone’s kid if they asked me if they got in the bus ok and I said “yup!” or “oh shoot I left before the bus came, sorry!”

Once a car tried to glide through the crosswalk when my kid was crossing and I watched my neighbor bang on their window and yell at them , on my behalf, as I was a block away. I didn’t even know her outside of saying hi in the mornings. I’d have done the same for her kid. I also picked up some random kids water bottle that he dropped in the crosswalk the other day and told him to keep going to make the light and I’d give it to him on the other side. And I did. I think he lives 2 blocks over? Don’t know his name. But this doesn’t mean I am responsible for him it just means I’m a normal human living in a community

If you're neighborhood is so idyllic perhaps you can stay away from DCUM and just feel superior from afar? Aren't you so busy helping each other out? How on earth do you have time to post and gloat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just glad I live in a normal neighborhood after reading this depressing thread. We all look out for each others kids in a very , very chill way. I’d never assume I was taking responsibility for babysitting someone’s kid if they asked me if they got in the bus ok and I said “yup!” or “oh shoot I left before the bus came, sorry!”

Once a car tried to glide through the crosswalk when my kid was crossing and I watched my neighbor bang on their window and yell at them , on my behalf, as I was a block away. I didn’t even know her outside of saying hi in the mornings. I’d have done the same for her kid. I also picked up some random kids water bottle that he dropped in the crosswalk the other day and told him to keep going to make the light and I’d give it to him on the other side. And I did. I think he lives 2 blocks over? Don’t know his name. But this doesn’t mean I am responsible for him it just means I’m a normal human living in a community

If you're neighborhood is so idyllic perhaps you can stay away from DCUM and just feel superior from afar? Aren't you so busy helping each other out? How on earth do you have time to post and gloat?

DP, but how strange all the complainers are “so busy” but have time to complain and post!?