Helping neighbor kids onto morning bus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be really annoyed. How lazy and entitled of that other parent! She needs confirmation but can't be bothered to go to the bus stop herself? If there was a specific reason she couldn't come--she's at work, medical issues--that's different and she should first ASK if you can keep on eye on her kid. But just sending your kid on their own and then expecting another parent to make sure the kid gets on the bus without even asking is entitled and lazy.

For the next couple of days, I'd ignore the text for a few hours. Then I'd randomly drive my kids to school a few other days. Maybe she'll get the hint.

If that doesn't work, respond indicating that you really aren't paying attention to kids besides your own.

[Anonymous]

I’d do a slow fade, taking longer and longer to reply.

If the parent is worried they need to walk kid to the bus themselves or get an air tag or similar.

[Anonymous]

This would not be a burden for me at all. I think the parent might stop texting after a while, so if you just continue to send a thumbs up, things will just resolve naturally. You don't even need to type actual words! And if one day you're not there, and the parent texts, simply reply: "I/we were not at the bus stop today, sorry." No need for a heads-up, or anything. This is a super low-key, no obligation, kind of interaction, OP. You can relax!

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. The child is old enough to go to the bus stop on their own. You are not "doing" anything.

The issue is that answering 1 text every day is burdensome?

[Anonymous]

Who are all you hair-trigger people?!

I have always walked or driven my kids to school, but I would not feel put-upon in the least if another parent checked-in every morning. Just send a thumbs up. If you don't go to the bus stop one day, just respond "wasn't there today".

No need to make a grand gesture!!! One day you might need a neighbor's goodwill. I sure did a few times, when I had health issues and needed my neighbors and friends to pick my kids up from school and get them to their activities. What comes around goes around. Replying to a text is such a small gesture you can do for another human being.

I mean really, are you so easily irritated by non-events?!? No wonder this country is so divided on everything, and has a massive panic attack on every single societal concept.

Seriously, chill.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t respond. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Did this neighbor ever once do any favors for you? Or could potentially in the future? Are you annoyed by their assumption that this would not be a problem for you, or by having to actually respond to texts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. The child is old enough to go to the bus stop on their own. You are not "doing" anything.

The issue is that answering 1 text every day is burdensome?

I don’t know how to explain this, but while she’s not “doing” anything, she has now been made responsible to watch over those children.

If mom is worried about the kids getting on the bus, then she should stay there rather than put that responsibility on somebody else.

It’s similar to job creep.

[Anonymous]

If she had class she'd send you a gift to thank you for being bus stop monitor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is like the 4th post on dcum this month about people dumping some portion of the responsibility of morning drop off on a neighbor who didn’t offer and doesn’t wish to take on that responsibility. What is up?!

I think you’ve gotten good advice here. Let her know you’ll reach out if there’s an issue but that you won’t always be there and she should consider an AirTag or something if she needs daily confirmation.

People are selfish takers is what is up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. The child is old enough to go to the bus stop on their own. You are not "doing" anything.

The issue is that answering 1 text every day is burdensome?

I don’t know how to explain this, but while she’s not “doing” anything, she has now been made responsible to watch over those children.

If mom is worried about the kids getting on the bus, then she should stay there rather than put that responsibility on somebody else.

It’s similar to job creep.

I agree. I don't want to be responsible for another thing that is not of my choosing. It's obviously not the text, it's feeling like this other kid is now your responsibility in a very specific sense rather then a general, of course if I notice something crazy I will intervene. I would just stop responding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are all you hair-trigger people?!

I have always walked or driven my kids to school, but I would not feel put-upon in the least if another parent checked-in every morning. Just send a thumbs up. If you don't go to the bus stop one day, just respond "wasn't there today".

No need to make a grand gesture!!! One day you might need a neighbor's goodwill. I sure did a few times, when I had health issues and needed my neighbors and friends to pick my kids up from school and get them to their activities. What comes around goes around. Replying to a text is such a small gesture you can do for another human being.

I mean really, are you so easily irritated by non-events?!? No wonder this country is so divided on everything, and has a massive panic attack on every single societal concept.

Seriously, chill.

I might have thought this before my neighbor did it to me, but it actually gets to be a lot. For someone where you have a reciprocal relationship of close friends? Cool. For someone who is a casual acquaintance where you suddenly feel responsible for their kid? You can't chill about someone else's kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is like the 4th post on dcum this month about people dumping some portion of the responsibility of morning drop off on a neighbor who didn’t offer and doesn’t wish to take on that responsibility. What is up?!

I think you’ve gotten good advice here. Let her know you’ll reach out if there’s an issue but that you won’t always be there and she should consider an AirTag or something if she needs daily confirmation.

The neighbor should be calling the school since they are actually the ones responsible for the child getting on and off the bus. I would respond saying I wasn't paying attention and can't confirm who got on the bus except my own children. Then give her the number of the school office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all you hair-trigger people?!

I have always walked or driven my kids to school, but I would not feel put-upon in the least if another parent checked-in every morning. Just send a thumbs up. If you don't go to the bus stop one day, just respond "wasn't there today".

No need to make a grand gesture!!! One day you might need a neighbor's goodwill. I sure did a few times, when I had health issues and needed my neighbors and friends to pick my kids up from school and get them to their activities. What comes around goes around. Replying to a text is such a small gesture you can do for another human being.

I mean really, are you so easily irritated by non-events?!? No wonder this country is so divided on everything, and has a massive panic attack on every single societal concept.

Seriously, chill.

I might have thought this before my neighbor did it to me, but it actually gets to be a lot. For someone where you have a reciprocal relationship of close friends? Cool. For someone who is a casual acquaintance where you suddenly feel responsible for their kid? You can't chill about someone else's kid.

This is the part that you don't seem to get. All the parent is asking is whether the kid got on the bus. It's a yes or no.

Insofar as you are a parent at a bus stop full of kids, you are not more responsible for this kid than any other unaccompanied kid at the bus stop. Personally, I feel equally responsible - in a non-stressful, motherly sort of way - for ALL the kids at the bus stop. So do the other parents at the bus stop. We're all looking out for every kid. It's not a burden at all.

So yes, I can completely chill out at the bus stop. I bring my dog. I chit chat. I keep an eye out. At times I've told the driver to stop, there's a kid running towards us who's late. Nothing about this is stressful.

And you don't seem to understand that favors don't need to be returned instantly. You are building a community. Some of my neighbors who casually employed my tweens/teens for yard work, snow removal and dog sitting were then more than happy to act as references for their college jobs. Stop looking at this in an immediate transactional way. The support you get from your community may take years to come to fruition, but it may be valuable nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d do a slow fade, taking longer and longer to reply.

If the parent is worried they need to walk kid to the bus themselves or get an air tag or similar.

Or drive your kid to school a coupe of times...sorry was not there today.