Helping neighbor kids onto morning bus

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how OP IS “responsible”?

If this is the first time kid has been getting themselves to the bus, I think it’s natural for the parent to feel concerned. For me, after a few days I’d figure my kid had it and jot follow up again, but then again, I’d also have the discussion with the other parents that we were having kid figure this out themselves and I’d appreciate if the parents can just keep part of an eye out the first few days - and then watch from the sidelines myself to make sure kid was figuring it out, coursing streets properly, etc., which is what I did.

Maybe because I’m not American, but I don’t see the heavy responsibility here, as the mom is just asking p, so the answer could be “sorry! Didn’t see Larlo board the bus!” “Sorry, drove Larla instead!”

I guess my neighbourhood is different. We all watch out for each other’s kids. If I’m walking my kid anyway, there’s not a single reason in the world I can’t just notice the other kid and respond. This isn’t a responsibility - it’s a kindness.

And that’s why you stay and watch them.

If you’re not concerned, then you just let them go, which many people do.

And it’s not about being American or watching out for people‘s kids in general. I watch out for your kids and my neighbor’s houses and everything under the sun, but if I start getting texts every day about it then that’s the annoyance.

“Hey Larla, I know it’s hard to watch our kids become more independent. Things seem great. How about I’ll text you if I see anything out of the ordinary? I don’t always drop Larlitta off, but like I said, I’ll try to Text if anything I notice is out of the ordinary. So cool Larlo is getting the bus on his own!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how OP IS “responsible”?

If this is the first time kid has been getting themselves to the bus, I think it’s natural for the parent to feel concerned. For me, after a few days I’d figure my kid had it and jot follow up again, but then again, I’d also have the discussion with the other parents that we were having kid figure this out themselves and I’d appreciate if the parents can just keep part of an eye out the first few days - and then watch from the sidelines myself to make sure kid was figuring it out, coursing streets properly, etc., which is what I did.

Maybe because I’m not American, but I don’t see the heavy responsibility here, as the mom is just asking p, so the answer could be “sorry! Didn’t see Larlo board the bus!” “Sorry, drove Larla instead!”

I guess my neighbourhood is different. We all watch out for each other’s kids. If I’m walking my kid anyway, there’s not a single reason in the world I can’t just notice the other kid and respond. This isn’t a responsibility - it’s a kindness.

And that’s why you stay and watch them.

If you’re not concerned, then you just let them go, which many people do.

And it’s not about being American or watching out for people‘s kids in general. I watch out for your kids and my neighbor’s houses and everything under the sun, but if I start getting texts every day about it then that’s the annoyance.

“Hey Larla, I know it’s hard to watch our kids become more independent. Things seem great. How about I’ll text you if I see anything out of the ordinary? I don’t always drop Larlitta off, but like I said, I’ll try to Text if anything I notice is out of the ordinary. So cool Larlo is getting the bus on his own!”

Sure that would be fine. Always good to set firm boundaries.

That doesn't mean people are never going to complain when people try to take advantage or push too hard (and a daily text is pushing too hard). I support OP in asserting her boundaries and also I think we can ask people to be more self -aware about what they are asking of people. It cuts both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how OP IS “responsible”?

If this is the first time kid has been getting themselves to the bus, I think it’s natural for the parent to feel concerned. For me, after a few days I’d figure my kid had it and jot follow up again, but then again, I’d also have the discussion with the other parents that we were having kid figure this out themselves and I’d appreciate if the parents can just keep part of an eye out the first few days - and then watch from the sidelines myself to make sure kid was figuring it out, coursing streets properly, etc., which is what I did.

Maybe because I’m not American, but I don’t see the heavy responsibility here, as the mom is just asking p, so the answer could be “sorry! Didn’t see Larlo board the bus!” “Sorry, drove Larla instead!”

I guess my neighbourhood is different. We all watch out for each other’s kids. If I’m walking my kid anyway, there’s not a single reason in the world I can’t just notice the other kid and respond. This isn’t a responsibility - it’s a kindness.

And that’s why you stay and watch them.

If you’re not concerned, then you just let them go, which many people do.

And it’s not about being American or watching out for people‘s kids in general. I watch out for your kids and my neighbor’s houses and everything under the sun, but if I start getting texts every day about it then that’s the annoyance.

“Hey Larla, I know it’s hard to watch our kids become more independent. Things seem great. How about I’ll text you if I see anything out of the ordinary? I don’t always drop Larlitta off, but like I said, I’ll try to Text if anything I notice is out of the ordinary. So cool Larlo is getting the bus on his own!”

Sure that would be fine. Always good to set firm boundaries.

That doesn't mean people are never going to complain when people try to take advantage or push too hard (and a daily text is pushing too hard). I support OP in asserting her boundaries and also I think we can ask people to be more self -aware about what they are asking of people. It cuts both ways.

But OP hasn’t asserted her boundaries. She is also not “helping” the kid to or onto the bus, she would
Just like the credit here for that, which is the weird and self aggrandize part.

Kid seems to be getting there fine alone - mom is just checking in to make sure it happens, from who she assumes is a friendly neighbour, but is not. OP needs to stop adding flourish to what her actual role here is. But we all know. She’s so burdened and busy and amaaazing. She probably is too busy to make her own bread, but follows and comments on the Instas that do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"hey neighbor i'll text if anything went wrong, otherwise you won't hear from me"

I still wouldn't take on that responsibility. I'm not going to confirm with someone every single morning that their child made it on the bus ok. That's insane. Every day?!? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just glad I live in a normal neighborhood after reading this depressing thread. We all look out for each others kids in a very , very chill way. I’d never assume I was taking responsibility for babysitting someone’s kid if they asked me if they got in the bus ok and I said “yup!” or “oh shoot I left before the bus came, sorry!”

Once a car tried to glide through the crosswalk when my kid was crossing and I watched my neighbor bang on their window and yell at them , on my behalf, as I was a block away. I didn’t even know her outside of saying hi in the mornings. I’d have done the same for her kid. I also picked up some random kids water bottle that he dropped in the crosswalk the other day and told him to keep going to make the light and I’d give it to him on the other side. And I did. I think he lives 2 blocks over? Don’t know his name. But this doesn’t mean I am responsible for him it just means I’m a normal human living in a community

If you're neighborhood is so idyllic perhaps you can stay away from DCUM and just feel superior from afar? Aren't you so busy helping each other out? How on earth do you have time to post and gloat?

Gloat? The OP is literally living in this kind of neighborhood and is asking for advice on how to extricate herself being a normal member of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just glad I live in a normal neighborhood after reading this depressing thread. We all look out for each others kids in a very , very chill way. I’d never assume I was taking responsibility for babysitting someone’s kid if they asked me if they got in the bus ok and I said “yup!” or “oh shoot I left before the bus came, sorry!”

Once a car tried to glide through the crosswalk when my kid was crossing and I watched my neighbor bang on their window and yell at them , on my behalf, as I was a block away. I didn’t even know her outside of saying hi in the mornings. I’d have done the same for her kid. I also picked up some random kids water bottle that he dropped in the crosswalk the other day and told him to keep going to make the light and I’d give it to him on the other side. And I did. I think he lives 2 blocks over? Don’t know his name. But this doesn’t mean I am responsible for him it just means I’m a normal human living in a community

Those are one off things. Imposing a daily check in during the most hectic time of the day is not something a normal neighbor would do. Other parents are letting their kids walk to the bus stop alone. Are they all pestering a random neighbor every day too? No.

I wouldn’t even text my husband or nanny the same question every day because that’s obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Folks: DAILY texts. This would annoy anyone. It's not really about being "responsible" for the kid (the kid is fine either way as she's 8 or 9 years old) or fulfilling an obligation or having a lopsided relationship or community.

It's just annoying to get a daily email from someone asking the same question especially if the question doesn't really need to be asked. A week or so to help the parent relax and feel better about their kid being more independent -- great. Daily texts in perpetuity is not okay and I actually don't think anyone on here saying that OP should stop complaining would be okay with that forever. Every single person on this thread would eventually be like "please stop" even if that threshold might be in different places for different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see how OP IS “responsible”?

If this is the first time kid has been getting themselves to the bus, I think it’s natural for the parent to feel concerned. For me, after a few days I’d figure my kid had it and jot follow up again, but then again, I’d also have the discussion with the other parents that we were having kid figure this out themselves and I’d appreciate if the parents can just keep part of an eye out the first few days - and then watch from the sidelines myself to make sure kid was figuring it out, coursing streets properly, etc., which is what I did.

Maybe because I’m not American, but I don’t see the heavy responsibility here, as the mom is just asking p, so the answer could be “sorry! Didn’t see Larlo board the bus!” “Sorry, drove Larla instead!”

I guess my neighbourhood is different. We all watch out for each other’s kids. If I’m walking my kid anyway, there’s not a single reason in the world I can’t just notice the other kid and respond. This isn’t a responsibility - it’s a kindness.

And that’s why you stay and watch them.

If you’re not concerned, then you just let them go, which many people do.

And it’s not about being American or watching out for people‘s kids in general. I watch out for your kids and my neighbor’s houses and everything under the sun, but if I start getting texts every day about it then that’s the annoyance.

“Hey Larla, I know it’s hard to watch our kids become more independent. Things seem great. How about I’ll text you if I see anything out of the ordinary? I don’t always drop Larlitta off, but like I said, I’ll try to Text if anything I notice is out of the ordinary. So cool Larlo is getting the bus on his own!”

I'm a "village" person and I think OP is being ridiculous- she should just text "yes!" if the answer is yes, or "I'm not sure, I didn't notice, sorry!" if the answer is she didn't notice. Or, "we weren't there this morning, sorry". But this above suggestion is actually problematic for me and I'd actually feel like I WAS taking on responsibility that I might not want. This suggestion promises that you will text the mom if anything is wrong. Therefore, if the child gets hurt on the way to the bus stop, or lost, or abducted, or whatever the mom is worried about- and you don't notice, or you're not there- you actually do bear some responsibility because you'd told the mom you would look out for her daughter every morning (how else would you be able to promise to text her if something happened, if you hadn't implicity agreed to watch her each morning?). If you just act normal, like responding to her texts when she texts, you are taking zero responsibility for anything and promising nothing. You're just answering a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Folks: DAILY texts. This would annoy anyone. It's not really about being "responsible" for the kid (the kid is fine either way as she's 8 or 9 years old) or fulfilling an obligation or having a lopsided relationship or community.

It's just annoying to get a daily email from someone asking the same question especially if the question doesn't really need to be asked. A week or so to help the parent relax and feel better about their kid being more independent -- great. Daily texts in perpetuity is not okay and I actually don't think anyone on here saying that OP should stop complaining would be okay with that forever. Every single person on this thread would eventually be like "please stop" even if that threshold might be in different places for different people.

Fair, but OP can easily accomplish this by just not answering if she is busy or doesnt feel like answering, on those mornings that she doesn't want to answer. I occasionally am busy, or don't feel like answering, a text from my own sister or my closest friends. I just respond later. Or, to a neighbor I don't really know, I might not respond at all because I might just forget one day. She doesn't have to make a thing of it.

[Anonymous]

OP was a troll

[Anonymous]

Part of being a community is you do things like this for others when needed and you also accept that if the community is there, you’ll know if there was a problem. Yes we should be willing to see that other peoples kids get on the bus if we are there. We should also be part of the community to the extent we don’t ask for verbal confirmation they got on safely, but know that the other moms were there and they’d have updated us if something happened. Both parts have to be there for the “village” to be operable and beneficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does a third grader need any help getting on a bus?

This.

[Anonymous]

Kids are getting to the bus alone. Parent wants to know if they got on. Parent should get the kids a phone or watch to monitor things. That's a bit much. But, kids that young should not be going alone.

[Anonymous]

What I find strange about this is that she seems to think you wouldn’t mention it if something insane happened. If she trusts you enough to confirm the kid is safe, doesn’t she think you’d reach out if the kid got hit by a car or climbed into a strange van? “Oh now that you mention it, the bus didn’t show and your kid decided to blow off steam walking down the railroad tracks. Is that not what you wanted?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I find strange about this is that she seems to think you wouldn’t mention it if something insane happened. If she trusts you enough to confirm the kid is safe, doesn’t she think you’d reach out if the kid got hit by a car or climbed into a strange van? “Oh now that you mention it, the bus didn’t show and your kid decided to blow off steam walking down the railroad tracks. Is that not what you wanted?”

This!

“Actually, Larla, a mustachioed man in a white panel van brandishing a fistful of lollipops drove little Larlo away. I assume that was a friend of yours, right?”