Husband says the inheritance from his dad is his

[Anonymous]

What part of "its not your money" do you not understand?

[Anonymous]

Legally it is his money and not part of marital assets. Your marriage has issues which is why he sees it as his. Deal with those issues before you worry about the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is correct. But does he even like you?

Ok.
I don’t think so. Every time I try to have let’s combine income and have a family budget, he flips out. Gaslighting and name calling starts.
He says I don’t contribute towards any expense and I want vacations and I don’t pay for those vacations and I want to control his Dunkin’ breakfast…
Yeah - I’m such a monster.

It’s the same circle of conversation every time.

I bring up ‘let’s combine finances’ in a gentle way. It always blows up in my face… I brought it up today b/c I want to know which job it’s ok to quit. The one which pays a lot or the other one which doesn’t pay a lot, but I love it…

Is the bolded true? Are you great at spending his money and hoarding yours? If you keep the hobby job will he be on the hook for paying your way?

Marriage is a two way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- is this you?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1193579.page

Maybe this one too?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1201856.page

Oh wow - sounds like my home but I did not post these….

I posted may be a few years ago about the same thing - joint finances, and how I put my career on a back burner for family .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is correct. But does he even like you?

Ok.
I don’t think so. Every time I try to have let’s combine income and have a family budget, he flips out. Gaslighting and name calling starts.
He says I don’t contribute towards any expense and I want vacations and I don’t pay for those vacations and I want to control his Dunkin’ breakfast…
Yeah - I’m such a monster.

It’s the same circle of conversation every time.

I bring up ‘let’s combine finances’ in a gentle way. It always blows up in my face… I brought it up today b/c I want to know which job it’s ok to quit. The one which pays a lot or the other one which doesn’t pay a lot, but I love it…

Is the bolded true? Are you great at spending his money and hoarding yours? If you keep the hobby job will he be on the hook for paying your way?

Marriage is a two way street.

Not at all… 99% vacations were paid by me as most bills and mortgage on him… I never asked for a single dollar for anything. This area is expensive so we go paycheck to paycheck. I finally started to save a little bit because I got the second job so I worked 50 hour weeks… sometimes more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Legally it is his money and not part of marital assets. Your marriage has issues which is why he sees it as his. Deal with those issues before you worry about the money.

The reason I ‘worry’ is bc I did not know the law; plus, whenever he has money, it just melts away and I’m not quite clear how…

I always follow the law so I already forgot about that money. Not a big deal when you have your own potential to earn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op what do you pay around the house? Rent or utilities mostly?

Groceries, takeouts, eat outs, medical, vacations, my car payment, parking in dc, cleaner, gas, home improvement, broken appliance replacement, gardening, dog expenses, child extracurriculars - gets pricey, child outings - treating his friends, Amazon stuff for household, anything relating to household management.

I make 60% of what he makes with my two jobs.

[Anonymous]

The point is - I want a view of combined finances…. And I can’t get that so we have combined budget — for both income and expense flows….

I don’t want more of his money for just me… I never had it that way. I’m not that person.
Else - I could have easily married someone for money…

[Anonymous]

I mean - I just want and I don’t think this is too much to ask.

[Anonymous]

* dictating errors…

I just want a combined budget and I don’t think this is too much to ask at this stage of our married life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In any case, I did not know my big weekend - bd and mother’s day was gonna be another man tantrum and disappointment. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. My entire life path is about family. I gave up at least two jobs that were paying more than his salary… So I gave up careers so that we could be a family at the same location and raise a child who has special needs… At this stage, I just want some clarity as to why we ended up owing taxes this year (as we pay max during the year)… I want to know a picture of our expenses altogether and also how does our retirement situation look? I’ve been in the gig economy so overtime it is on him… I don’t feel too good today.

Are you the poster that made a small amount of money but DH wants you to pay all the taxes?

[Anonymous]

I recently inherited a large sum from my father. My brother told me to make sure not to co mingle funds. He -and my sister too- both had painful divorces -- that cost them each a lot of money

I feel confident in my marriage -- but what the hell -- why not take the advice? DH is completely fine with this as we are a team and make decisions together.

At some point soon I will change our will so that if I die first -- my money will be split between DH and our kids. I don't want a new wife to somehow get the money that should go to my children (now adults). My DH has a good amount of money of his own anyway.

Seems to me that the OP has some other communication problems with her husband -- and the inheritance has really brought it to light.

[Anonymous]

You have a housemate. He is in no way a husband.

When my FIL died my husband put his inheritance in OUR account. When his grandmother died same thing. When my mother died I gave my share to my sister. My husband totally agreed.
I don't even work and my husband puts money for me in our second emergency fund.

Time to sit and force the financial talk without the ugliness.
Learn to bank online where everything is out in the open. Discuss it all. See it all.
My oldest runs his household with his and her accounts. It's a mess and they always come up short.
They don't have a money problem, they have spending problem.

In our house the only thing we talk about are personal purchases. Out of respect for one another but household items I order. My husband sees everything that comes in and it doesn't bother me one bit. It's his house too.

Honesty 100%. It's the only way it works. If not, start planning your next move because you will be miserable in your current state. God did not put us on this Earth to live in misery. Work it out.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have several different problems.
You should know your joint financial situation
That is not something that should be kept from you
You two should be discussing together joint, large purchases
He is right. It is his money.
Hopefully he uses it for the good of the family, as a unit, but it is his.

[Anonymous]

LOL @ "our" father in law.

I received an inheritance from my grandfather and my husband was adamant that it was mine, to be kept in a separate account and used however I want. Right now it's just invested, but I'm really glad he was so supportive instead of whatever you are doing OP.