Husband says the inheritance from his dad is his

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This guy is financially abusive and won’t change. Accept this fact and then decide what you want to do.

Op here. This is spot on how I feel today. I don’t think I deserved yelling and gaslighting and all the lies he is blaming me….
Yes, I do like planning vacations but they are very simple - like Va beach for a couple of days. NY trip for Childs bd… nothing extravagant. I don’t own a single designer item — every single item from clearance or sale… I don’t have another precious metal jewelry but wedding band and engagement ring…. I try to save by cooking more…. I had the same car for 17 years and finally change when it literally fell apart…
I just want to be able to have peace and quiet when discussing finances and just be adults…
It’s impossible.

But thanks for all thoughts, I have to go, but will come back in the evening to check other posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In any case, I did not know my big weekend - bd and mother’s day was gonna be another man tantrum and disappointment. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. My entire life path is about family. I gave up at least two jobs that were paying more than his salary… So I gave up careers so that we could be a family at the same location and raise a child who has special needs… At this stage, I just want some clarity as to why we ended up owing taxes this year (as we pay max during the year)… I want to know a picture of our expenses altogether and also how does our retirement situation look? I’ve been in the gig economy so overtime it is on him… I don’t feel too good today.

Were finances not discussed before you married?

No - we just kept separate. Nothing change in finance management.

You didn’t discuss it before getting married? What?

No - we were just in love and both equal financial positions… but now we are family. And I’m more dependent on him — no own retirement plans…

Why don’t you have savings? Start saving. Clearly you don’t have a good marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quit one of those jobs, OP.

Yes, I need to quit as I have new health issue which is making it hard. It’s permanent no cure so I need to adjust something. I’m used to rational thinking and making reasonable decisions…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is correct. But does he even like you?

Ok.
I don’t think so. Every time I try to have let’s combine income and have a family budget, he flips out. Gaslighting and name calling starts.
He says I don’t contribute towards any expense and I want vacations and I don’t pay for those vacations and I want to control his Dunkin’ breakfast…
Yeah - I’m such a monster.

It’s the same circle of conversation every time.

I bring up ‘let’s combine finances’ in a gentle way. It always blows up in my face… I brought it up today b/c I want to know which job it’s ok to quit. The one which pays a lot or the other one which doesn’t pay a lot, but I love it…

Obviously quit the one that doesn’t pay a lot. Prepare to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In any case, I did not know my big weekend - bd and mother’s day was gonna be another man tantrum and disappointment. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. My entire life path is about family. I gave up at least two jobs that were paying more than his salary… So I gave up careers so that we could be a family at the same location and raise a child who has special needs… At this stage, I just want some clarity as to why we ended up owing taxes this year (as we pay max during the year)… I want to know a picture of our expenses altogether and also how does our retirement situation look? I’ve been in the gig economy so overtime it is on him… I don’t feel too good today.

Your "big" weekend? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is financially abusive and won’t change. Accept this fact and then decide what you want to do.

Op here. This is spot on how I feel today. I don’t think I deserved yelling and gaslighting and all the lies he is blaming me….
Yes, I do like planning vacations but they are very simple - like Va beach for a couple of days. NY trip for Childs bd… nothing extravagant. I don’t own a single designer item — every single item from clearance or sale… I don’t have another precious metal jewelry but wedding band and engagement ring…. I try to save by cooking more…. I had the same car for 17 years and finally change when it literally fell apart…
I just want to be able to have peace and quiet when discussing finances and just be adults…
It’s impossible.

But thanks for all thoughts, I have to go, but will come back in the evening to check other posts.

OP, please listen to people when they say that by everything you posted....you went about this very wrong. Even the above indicates that you want money he earns or inherited to buy things for you. I too would react incredibly poorly to that approach.

If your DH lives an entirely different lifestyle than you and your children, yes that is a problem. You should address it, but not from a place of "I want to be able to spend more money on stuff I want."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quit one of those jobs, OP.

Yes, I need to quit as I have new health issue which is making it hard. It’s permanent no cure so I need to adjust something. I’m used to rational thinking and making reasonable decisions…

Approaching your husband and saying you want his inheritance, and asking if it is legal if you don't get it....is not in fact rational or reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In any case, I did not know my big weekend - bd and mother’s day was gonna be another man tantrum and disappointment. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. My entire life path is about family. I gave up at least two jobs that were paying more than his salary… So I gave up careers so that we could be a family at the same location and raise a child who has special needs… At this stage, I just want some clarity as to why we ended up owing taxes this year (as we pay max during the year)… I want to know a picture of our expenses altogether and also how does our retirement situation look? I’ve been in the gig economy so overtime it is on him… I don’t feel too good today.

Were finances not discussed before you married?

No - we just kept separate. Nothing change in finance management.

So nothing changed still everything is separate.

[Anonymous]

What I want is simple financial clarity. He never paid anything for me. I keep paying from my own money but in reasonable way. It was he who charged up his own credit card for $70,000 and then I had to be involved in order to consolidate and work it out…. It was spending issues and we agreed he will only have one credit card, not seven…. He promised to streamline and then he didn’t…. He also refinanced our house saying that he will not change the monthly payment amount and that makes it reasonable…. I agreed, and then he reduced the monthly payment amount…. I was describing that my spending patterns are extremely modest.

OK now I really have to go for a little bit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes the inheritance is his legally.

This is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This guy is financially abusive and won’t change. Accept this fact and then decide what you want to do.

No he isn't.

And this is piece of evidence #743 that all you women care about is money. Her husband's dad died and the first thing she thinks about is how she can cash in.

+1 not financial abuse in any way whatsoever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In any case, I did not know my big weekend - bd and mother’s day was gonna be another man tantrum and disappointment. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. My entire life path is about family. I gave up at least two jobs that were paying more than his salary… So I gave up careers so that we could be a family at the same location and raise a child who has special needs… At this stage, I just want some clarity as to why we ended up owing taxes this year (as we pay max during the year)… I want to know a picture of our expenses altogether and also how does our retirement situation look? I’ve been in the gig economy so overtime it is on him… I don’t feel too good today.

Were finances not discussed before you married?

No - we just kept separate. Nothing change in finance management.

You didn’t discuss it before getting married? What?

No - we were just in love and both equal financial positions… but now we are family. And I’m more dependent on him — no own retirement plans…

if he has 401ks and IRAs you would get 50% of what was done during marriage. Same for pensions

[Anonymous]

He sounds awful really...hugs to you op, hope you feel better. Good luck

[Anonymous]

OP- is this you?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1193579.page

Maybe this one too?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1201856.page

[Anonymous]

Op what do you pay around the house? Rent or utilities mostly?