Are these comments typical for the age, or is my DD a jerk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal, but it's not kind and that's what you need to teach her. It's normal for society to use others to get ahead but it's not right.

It's not normal to me. How does a 7 year old learn to be that nasty?

Op here. I guess I don’t think of those types of comments my DD made as extreme…? Unkind and rude, but not nasty.

Kids have told my kid they would kill her, that they won’t be her friend, she can’t play with them because she’s not a friend, or that her xyz is stupid and dumb. Not often, but I do hear comments like this. I don’t think any of those comments are ok.

They're nasty. These kids make my kids upset and they come home and cry often. I've often wondered what parents would think if they heard how negative they are at school and how they kill the vibe for everyone but it's what I expected. "It's not that bad!" Yes, it is. These kids bring everyone down. Tell her to knock it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal, but it's not kind and that's what you need to teach her. It's normal for society to use others to get ahead but it's not right.

It's not normal to me. How does a 7 year old learn to be that nasty?

Here is a good example of unkind language

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a bit of a brat. I think, from the teacher's point of view, it's probably a question of frequency. A few instances where the kid is frustrated and unusually unkind, fine. But this must be happening frequently. Also, other parents might have complained.

[Anonymous]

There’s a girl like that in my DC’s grade and I told DC to avoid her. She’s bossy, domineering, always frowning, likes seeing when classmates fail, lacks a good sense of morals, and her mother is similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a bit of a brat. I think, from the teacher's point of view, it's probably a question of frequency. A few instances where the kid is frustrated and unusually unkind, fine. But this must be happening frequently. Also, other parents might have complained.

It would have to be pretty bad if parents complained. OP is probably only hearing the tip of the iceberg, what the teacher overheard. But these types of kids are relentless. My daughter is especially runs into these types often. Nothing she does or has is good enough. Her water bottle is the wrong color, her hair is ugly, she's too poor for them, she's a copy cat, she sucks at this or that sport, the sport she does is dumb and their sport is better, it's just a relentless attack all day long. I complained when one finally called her the "R" word. That finally nipped some of it in the bud. But I wasn't complaining all day long. But these aren't one off comments, the negativity flows all damn day from these kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a girl like that in my DC’s grade and I told DC to avoid her. She’s bossy, domineering, always frowning, likes seeing when classmates fail, lacks a good sense of morals, and her mother is similar.

I don’t think this describes my situation. At the last 2 conferences, teacher talked about how kind DD is as a standout trait. The comments are recent incidents based on what she said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal, but it's not kind and that's what you need to teach her. It's normal for society to use others to get ahead but it's not right.

It's not normal to me. How does a 7 year old learn to be that nasty?

Op here. I guess I don’t think of those types of comments my DD made as extreme…? Unkind and rude, but not nasty.

Kids have told my kid they would kill her, that they won’t be her friend, she can’t play with them because she’s not a friend, or that her xyz is stupid and dumb. Not often, but I do hear comments like this. I don’t think any of those comments are ok.

They're nasty. These kids make my kids upset and they come home and cry often. I've often wondered what parents would think if they heard how negative they are at school and how they kill the vibe for everyone but it's what I expected. "It's not that bad!" Yes, it is. These kids bring everyone down. Tell her to knock it off.

My kid has come home crying and saying kids were mean or made mean comments (“Your hair looks dumb.”). I told her that wasn’t kind but that’s life and she needs to suck it up. By 1st or 2nd grade I expect kids won’t cry at these one off comments unless there’s a pattern or bullying going on.

[Anonymous]

I think if the teacher is addressing it, there is likely more behind it too. My dd is 2nd grade and there's another little girl who basically has a burn book. She's constantly writing down bad things about everyone, gossip about them and how they're losers. She's just really mean spirited and has all the other girls crying often. No one will be her friend or even barely talk to her anymore. Her burn book was taken too (it actually was a journal).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a bit of a brat. I think, from the teacher's point of view, it's probably a question of frequency. A few instances where the kid is frustrated and unusually unkind, fine. But this must be happening frequently. Also, other parents might have complained.

It would have to be pretty bad if parents complained. OP is probably only hearing the tip of the iceberg, what the teacher overheard. But these types of kids are relentless. My daughter is especially runs into these types often. Nothing she does or has is good enough. Her water bottle is the wrong color, her hair is ugly, she's too poor for them, she's a copy cat, she sucks at this or that sport[u], the sport she does is dumb and their sport is better, it's just a relentless attack all day long. I complained when one finally called her the "R" word. That finally nipped some of it in the bud. But I wasn't complaining all day long. But these aren't one off comments, the negativity flows all damn day from these kids.

At 6 or 7 kids are coming fun of water bottles? I don’t know what the R word is…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if the teacher is addressing it, there is likely more behind it too. My dd is 2nd grade and there's another little girl who basically has a burn book. She's constantly writing down bad things about everyone, gossip about them and how they're losers. She's just really mean spirited and has all the other girls crying often. No one will be her friend or even barely talk to her anymore. Her burn book was taken too (it actually was a journal).

+1. Teachers know what they're doing. If it were normal, she wouldn't need to talk to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a bit of a brat. I think, from the teacher's point of view, it's probably a question of frequency. A few instances where the kid is frustrated and unusually unkind, fine. But this must be happening frequently. Also, other parents might have complained.

It would have to be pretty bad if parents complained. OP is probably only hearing the tip of the iceberg, what the teacher overheard. But these types of kids are relentless. My daughter is especially runs into these types often. Nothing she does or has is good enough. Her water bottle is the wrong color, her hair is ugly, she's too poor for them, she's a copy cat, she sucks at this or that sport[u], the sport she does is dumb and their sport is better, it's just a relentless attack all day long. I complained when one finally called her the "R" word. That finally nipped some of it in the bud. But I wasn't complaining all day long. But these aren't one off comments, the negativity flows all damn day from these kids.

At 6 or 7 kids are coming fun of water bottles? I don’t know what the R word is…

Well then I guess you're lucky if you don't have to deal with any of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal, but it's not kind and that's what you need to teach her. It's normal for society to use others to get ahead but it's not right.

It's not normal to me. How does a 7 year old learn to be that nasty?

Op here. I guess I don’t think of those types of comments my DD made as extreme…? Unkind and rude, but not nasty.

Kids have told my kid they would kill her, that they won’t be her friend, she can’t play with them because she’s not a friend, or that her xyz is stupid and dumb. Not often, but I do hear comments like this. I don’t think any of those comments are ok.

They're nasty. These kids make my kids upset and they come home and cry often. I've often wondered what parents would think if they heard how negative they are at school and how they kill the vibe for everyone but it's what I expected. "It's not that bad!" Yes, it is. These kids bring everyone down. Tell her to knock it off.

My kid has come home crying and saying kids were mean or made mean comments (“Your hair looks dumb.”). I told her that wasn’t kind but that’s life and she needs to suck it up. By 1st or 2nd grade I expect kids won’t cry at these one off comments unless there’s a pattern or bullying going on.

Why are we expecting kids to suck it up? If my coworker kept telling me how lame I was, how ugly my hair is, or how bad I am at sports, I would be discussing this with HR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if the teacher is addressing it, there is likely more behind it too. My dd is 2nd grade and there's another little girl who basically has a burn book. She's constantly writing down bad things about everyone, gossip about them and how they're losers. She's just really mean spirited and has all the other girls crying often. No one will be her friend or even barely talk to her anymore. Her burn book was taken too (it actually was a journal).

Your example has nothing to do with the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal, but it's not kind and that's what you need to teach her. It's normal for society to use others to get ahead but it's not right.

It's not normal to me. How does a 7 year old learn to be that nasty?

Op here. I guess I don’t think of those types of comments my DD made as extreme…? Unkind and rude, but not nasty.

Kids have told my kid they would kill her, that they won’t be her friend, she can’t play with them because she’s not a friend, or that her xyz is stupid and dumb. Not often, but I do hear comments like this. I don’t think any of those comments are ok.

They're nasty. These kids make my kids upset and they come home and cry often. I've often wondered what parents would think if they heard how negative they are at school and how they kill the vibe for everyone but it's what I expected. "It's not that bad!" Yes, it is. These kids bring everyone down. Tell her to knock it off.

My kid has come home crying and saying kids were mean or made mean comments (“Your hair looks dumb.”). I told her that wasn’t kind but that’s life and she needs to suck it up. By 1st or 2nd grade I expect kids won’t cry at these one off comments unless there’s a pattern or bullying going on.

Why are we expecting kids to suck it up? If my coworker kept telling me how lame I was, how ugly my hair is, or how bad I am at sports, I would be discussing this with HR.

One off comments. I said if it was a pattern I’d encourage DD to tell a teacher of telling them to knock it off didn’t work. And you’re an adult.

[Anonymous]

If the teacher is noting it you need to work on it. She sees a broad range and is telling you your dd is an outlier. She’s not a jerk, but might be missing some social eq and might wonder why she loses friends. I would look for an out school type course on neurodivergent kids and social skills and do the class with her to learn some techniques. I don’t think this is solved by punishment or by calling her a jerk.