Are these comments typical for the age, or is my DD a jerk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like one of those kids that gets punched in the mouth on the bus. Nobody will be friends with her. You should talk to her about her behavior/words.

I agree with this.

Sounds like the teacher is trying to do you both a favor.

I partially agree(the behavior should be addressed), but it seems that the teacher is targeting the girl. The other kids should be called out too.

From OP: “DD also said a classmate said something similar about someone else's Friday diary before (The classmate had said something like "Your picture isn't very good" and the teacher said that was just her opinion, so DD said she thought it was ok to critique too).”

“The kids are instructed to play "PE rules only" for recess 4 square. Teacher said DD accused kids of cheating and was mad at being out. I don't know how the PE rules are different, but according to DD a couple kids were playing regular rules and that's why DD said they were cheating.”

It may seem like the teacher is targeting the girl but maybe the teacher is just sick of her constantly being a jerk to everyone. Other kids may do it more rarely, and having kids like this girl doing it constantly is what gets the other kids doing it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like one of those kids that gets punched in the mouth on the bus. Nobody will be friends with her. You should talk to her about her behavior/words.

I agree with this.

Sounds like the teacher is trying to do you both a favor.

I partially agree(the behavior should be addressed), but it seems that the teacher is targeting the girl. The other kids should be called out too.

From OP: “DD also said a classmate said something similar about someone else's Friday diary before (The classmate had said something like "Your picture isn't very good" and the teacher said that was just her opinion, so DD said she thought it was ok to critique too).”

“The kids are instructed to play "PE rules only" for recess 4 square. Teacher said DD accused kids of cheating and was mad at being out. I don't know how the PE rules are different, but according to DD a couple kids were playing regular rules and that's why DD said they were cheating.”

It may seem like the teacher is targeting the girl but maybe the teacher is just sick of her constantly being a jerk to everyone. Other kids may do it more rarely, and having kids like this girl doing it constantly is what gets the other kids doing it too.

It doesn’t matter and/or it might be just her perspective because the specific kid triggers her. I’ve seen it a few times with my kids’ friends.

Those kids were not perfect, but not the worst ones, and many needed to be corrected; but the teachers personally disliked them and they were absolutely being targeted. The kids who trigger ME are the manipulative ones who behave really well when it’s convenient, and I’m still surprised(my 1st born is 13) by how they get away with murder.

[Anonymous]

They are typical but your daughter is still a jerk. Please work on it with her while you have the chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 7yo DD's teacher said that she has made some comments at school, and she'd like me to follow up at home. I am doing that, but would also like DCUM's take on whether DD's meanness is out of the norm?

Examples

They draw or write about what they plan to do on the weekend. DD told her tablemate, who had drawn a blob, that her drawing "isn't that cool." DD also said a classmate said something similar about someone else's Friday diary before (The classmate had said something like "Your picture isn't very good" and the teacher said that was just her opinion, so DD said she thought it was ok to critique too).

The kids are instructed to play "PE rules only" for recess 4 square. Teacher said DD accused kids of cheating and was mad at being out. I don't know how the PE rules are different, but according to DD a couple kids were playing regular rules and that's why DD said they were cheating.

Another example is that she plays in a soccer league with lots of kids in her grade, and she (along with a couple other classmates) were talking to each other "You guys are going DOWN! Your team isn't as good as mine! We are really good! I kicked in 2 goals on Saturday."

I fully admit that DD can be rigid and a stickler for rules. She can also be braggy in situations like when lots of soccer players are around and she wants to boast about her team. We are working on those things. Of course DD shouldn't be volunteering comments that aren't nice, and she certainly doesn't need to be refereeing recess. But... isn't stuff like this expected for 6 and 7 year olds? I hear kids talking trash and being silly all the time. Naturally I haven't said any of this to DD and just instructed her to be kind, that if she doesn't have anything to say to say nothing, and that she is not the teacher/ref/rulekeeper. And if she can't get it together, there will be more consequences at home, like pulling her out of soccer if that's making her too competitive and unkind. But I also recall growing up... MUCH worse things were said to me and nothing ever happened.

You are looking for reassurance from people who a) don’t know your kid and b) who are only given “your side of the story.” The teacher knows your kid and sees them in a different environment (away from you and without rose colored parenting glasses). She has told you your child needs support at home for her behavior. Teachers know normal behavior for children (more so than you do - it’s literally their job) and let a lot of behaviors slide. If the teacher tells you there is a problem, I wonder why you doubt them? It’s classic behavior of a parent of a mean kid. Always making excuses for their kid instead of addressing their kid’s problems.

+1 I’m sure there are more examples of her mean behavior that the teacher hasn’t even shared.

[Anonymous]

The email from the teacher suggests your child's behavior is not normal - even if the three examples given are considered normal. I wouldn't be okay knowing that my kid did any of those things.

It is possible that the teacher is noticing rigidness and lack of social skills and documenting for a future autism diagnosis. It's also possible that your kid is bratty and needs to work on it at home.

I have a 7 year old daughter who is very popular and is more self-absorbed than my other two kids. She is very kind right now, but I know that we need to focus more on empathy with her than her older siblings because of her personality.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read all the replies.

The issue is not the individual behaviors is that this mean, rigid behavior is clearly a pattern. I would guess that the issue is also a problem because your DD has likely been corrected previously by the teachers and continues to behave that way. Most kids will start behaving once they have been asked to by the teachers. Your DD doesn’t.

I don’t think that is normal, frankly, if there isn’t an underlying issue. It may not be a diagnosis, it may just be working on building flexibility skills, or whatever. But you need to work on building the skill, not punishing for the behavior.

I really do think kids do their best to behave and when they don’t it’s because they can’t - eithe it hasn’t been modeled or they haven’t built the skills. So work on building the skills.