Are these comments typical for the age, or is my DD a jerk?

[Anonymous]

I have a 9 year old and a 7 year old and I also used to be a teacher. Every kid can be rude sometimes, even the most seemingly sweet and innocent kids sometimes make rude comments.

But what's standing out to me is that the teacher took the time to e-mail you about it and mentioned several instances she's seen your daughter be rude. I would guess the teacher probably wouldn't have bothered e-mailing you if this was a situation where your DD was a typically sweet, kind child who just had a couple random, out of character bad moments. I think the teacher e-mailed you because this is a pattern of behavior your DD is exhibiting.

While it may be normal for kind kids to make rude comments every now and then, a pattern of rude behavior repeated over multiple days/multiple instances is more concerning and it sounds like that's what the teacher is seeing w/ your kid. Maybe your kid is going through a tough time, maybe you need to take more time to explicitly teach her how to behave/speak to others (modeling a conversation/interaction she might have with her classmates/teammates would be good), or maybe your DD does have ADHD or something that is causing this behavior. But I don't think the teacher would be mentioning it to you if it was just "normal" kid behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 7yo DD's teacher said that she has made some comments at school, and she'd like me to follow up at home. I am doing that, but would also like DCUM's take on whether DD's meanness is out of the norm?

Examples

They draw or write about what they plan to do on the weekend. DD told her tablemate, who had drawn a blob, that her drawing "isn't that cool." DD also said a classmate said something similar about someone else's Friday diary before (The classmate had said something like "Your picture isn't very good" and the teacher said that was just her opinion, so DD said she thought it was ok to critique too).

The kids are instructed to play "PE rules only" for recess 4 square. Teacher said DD accused kids of cheating and was mad at being out. I don't know how the PE rules are different, but according to DD a couple kids were playing regular rules and that's why DD said they were cheating.

Another example is that she plays in a soccer league with lots of kids in her grade, and she (along with a couple other classmates) were talking to each other "You guys are going DOWN! Your team isn't as good as mine! We are really good! I kicked in 2 goals on Saturday."

I fully admit that DD can be rigid and a stickler for rules. She can also be braggy in situations like when lots of soccer players are around and she wants to boast about her team. We are working on those things. Of course DD shouldn't be volunteering comments that aren't nice, and she certainly doesn't need to be refereeing recess. But... isn't stuff like this expected for 6 and 7 year olds? I hear kids talking trash and being silly all the time. Naturally I haven't said any of this to DD and just instructed her to be kind, that if she doesn't have anything to say to say nothing, and that she is not the teacher/ref/rulekeeper. And if she can't get it together, there will be more consequences at home, like pulling her out of soccer if that's making her too competitive and unkind. But I also recall growing up... MUCH worse things were said to me and nothing ever happened.

autism dx in a few years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably not abnormal, but also not nice and bratty. I wouldn’t want my kid hanging out with her.

+1

[Anonymous]

My just turned 8 yo talks trash with her sig older sister, cousins and some teammates but not at school. It is kinda snarky but not inappropriate and it is actually kinda funny. She is well loved at school but knows not to trash talk at school because she wants to be viewed as kind, sweet and supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My just turned 8 yo talks trash with her sig older sister, cousins and some teammates but not at school. It is kinda snarky but not inappropriate and it is actually kinda funny. She is well loved at school but knows not to trash talk at school because she wants to be viewed as kind, sweet and supportive.

Not funny and shows a level of fakeness that I wouldn’t be proud of in an eight year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 7yo DD's teacher said that she has made some comments at school, and she'd like me to follow up at home. I am doing that, but would also like DCUM's take on whether DD's meanness is out of the norm?

Examples

They draw or write about what they plan to do on the weekend. DD told her tablemate, who had drawn a blob, that her drawing "isn't that cool." ....

She's not out of the norm, but in order to develop empathy and kindness she needs help in being able to imagine the perspective of others.

How about watching Bambi with her - a favorite movie that deals with this subject.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8poo79

Here's a memory from that movie that helped me a long time ago. https://tinyurl.com/4pay8d86his bit of wisdom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 7yo DD's teacher said that she has made some comments at school, and she'd like me to follow up at home. I am doing that, but would also like DCUM's take on whether DD's meanness is out of the norm?

Examples

They draw or write about what they plan to do on the weekend. DD told her tablemate, who had drawn a blob, that her drawing "isn't that cool." ....

She's not out of the norm, but in order to develop empathy and kindness she needs help in being able to imagine the perspective of others.

How about watching Bambi with her - a favorite movie that deals with this subject.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8poo79

Here's a memory from that movie that helped me a long time ago. https://tinyurl.com/4pay8d86his bit of wisdom

Here are some more ideas about helping children of her age develop empathy. https://tinyurl.com/y2atm8wb

[Anonymous]

I replied way up in this thread a while back (my take is that it's normal for the age but that you need to find and correct so they learn to be polite and kind). But recently I had several interactions with a kid at our elementary and wanted to relate them, as I feel like it's instructive.

This kid is 8 or 9 and has a younger sibling in 1st. She's very confident, which is great. She's also arrogant, condescending, and sometimes rude, which is not. She feels very comfortable talking to adults, which I appreciate. She will also make claims about other people, including other kids, that she shouldn't make, are rude, and reflect a total lack of humility. Examples:

She will brag in a way that puts down other kids, saying "You aren't as good at soccer as I am." Not "I'm great at soccer" but "you aren't as good as me."

She tells adults they are wrong all the time, including about stuff where SHE is wrong. It's fine she's wrong, she's a kid. It's obnoxious when you say something to her and she confidently and condescendingly explains to you that you are incorrect and she knows more. She also does this with kids but often all the kids are wrong, and they all kind of do it with each other. But she does this with adults often and it's so obnoxious.

I really wish her parents would address it. They just laugh and smile like it's the cutest thing. It *might* have been true when she was younger, it's not anymore, and it's going to get extremely annoying soon (I'm already there and avoid this fully because I find this kid so unpleasant and especially don't like how she talks to my kid.

Don't raise jerks. This is when you can influence and address this behavior. One their tweens it will be impossible to roll it back. Insist on respect and time then they do NOT know everything.

[Anonymous]

Teach and model kindness. "If you don't have m anything nice to say, say nothing at all." No one wabts to be friends with someone who has mean things to them.

[Anonymous]

Your kid sounds like one of those kids that gets punched in the mouth on the bus. Nobody will be friends with her. You should talk to her about her behavior/words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I replied way up in this thread a while back (my take is that it's normal for the age but that you need to find and correct so they learn to be polite and kind). But recently I had several interactions with a kid at our elementary and wanted to relate them, as I feel like it's instructive.

This kid is 8 or 9 and has a younger sibling in 1st. She's very confident, which is great. She's also arrogant, condescending, and sometimes rude, which is not. She feels very comfortable talking to adults, which I appreciate. She will also make claims about other people, including other kids, that she shouldn't make, are rude, and reflect a total lack of humility. Examples:

She will brag in a way that puts down other kids, saying "You aren't as good at soccer as I am." Not "I'm great at soccer" but "you aren't as good as me."

She tells adults they are wrong all the time, including about stuff where SHE is wrong. It's fine she's wrong, she's a kid. It's obnoxious when you say something to her and she confidently and condescendingly explains to you that you are incorrect and she knows more. She also does this with kids but often all the kids are wrong, and they all kind of do it with each other. But she does this with adults often and it's so obnoxious.

I really wish her parents would address it. They just laugh and smile like it's the cutest thing. It *might* have been true when she was younger, it's not anymore, and it's going to get extremely annoying soon (I'm already there and avoid this fully because I find this kid so unpleasant and especially don't like how she talks to my kid.

Don't raise jerks. This is when you can influence and address this behavior. One their tweens it will be impossible to roll it back. Insist on respect and time then they do NOT know everything.

Her behavior sounds off, but you are the obnoxious one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My just turned 8 yo talks trash with her sig older sister, cousins and some teammates but not at school. It is kinda snarky but not inappropriate and it is actually kinda funny. She is well loved at school but knows not to trash talk at school because she wants to be viewed as kind, sweet and supportive.

Not funny and shows a level of fakeness that I wouldn’t be proud of in an eight year

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like one of those kids that gets punched in the mouth on the bus. Nobody will be friends with her. You should talk to her about her behavior/words.

I agree with this.

Sounds like the teacher is trying to do you both a favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like one of those kids that gets punched in the mouth on the bus. Nobody will be friends with her. You should talk to her about her behavior/words.

I agree with this.

Sounds like the teacher is trying to do you both a favor.

I partially agree(the behavior should be addressed), but it seems that the teacher is targeting the girl. The other kids should be called out too.

From OP: “DD also said a classmate said something similar about someone else's Friday diary before (The classmate had said something like "Your picture isn't very good" and the teacher said that was just her opinion, so DD said she thought it was ok to critique too).”

“The kids are instructed to play "PE rules only" for recess 4 square. Teacher said DD accused kids of cheating and was mad at being out. I don't know how the PE rules are different, but according to DD a couple kids were playing regular rules and that's why DD said they were cheating.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if it's normal - and I agree for some kids it is - if it's not the kind of thing you want your kid growing up saying be grateful the teacher is intervening. It gives you a chance to help your DD grow into the kind of person she ought to be, which is better than just "normal."

This. Normal doesn't mean it's acceptable behavior.