DH called DD a “fat ugly pig”

[Anonymous]

Absolute misogyny. Disgusting. But not super uncommon. I had something similar happen to me as a tween. Dad was insulting part of my body that resembled the figure of my mom and they were divorced. So, so gross.

I hope you show her that this was absolutely unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did you say in the moment, OP? To maintain a close relationship with her and teach her not to accept abuse you have to aggressively defend her. I would ask him to leave the house for the night and discuss it tomorrow. You need to do something that she will remember.

In a calmer moment, ask her if anything Like this has happened before.

Apparently OP's defense would be that she's not fat. Otherwise it would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe he never ever said anything like this before.

You married a complete ass.

Why the hell are you with a person that says those types of things? To your own daughter?

He would not have a mouth to open if he ever said that to one of mine. Ever.

This!

I would leave that verbally abusive a$$hole in 2 shakes of a lambs tail. Your daughter now has a "daddy issue", if she didn't before

[Anonymous]

Like legit, did he a stroke maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolute misogyny. Disgusting. But not super uncommon. I had something similar happen to me as a tween. Dad was insulting part of my body that resembled the figure of my mom and they were divorced. So, so gross.

I hope you show her that this was absolutely unacceptable.

not sure this is misogyny. I mean, I'm sure moms and dads have called their sons "fat pigs" before. It's just a$$holery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolute misogyny. Disgusting. But not super uncommon. I had something similar happen to me as a tween. Dad was insulting part of my body that resembled the figure of my mom and they were divorced. So, so gross.

I hope you show her that this was absolutely unacceptable.

not sure this is misogyny. I mean, I'm sure moms and dads have called their sons "fat pigs" before. It's just a$$holery.

Not in the same sexualized way, they haven’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh OP I don’t think I like this response from you. If she WAS overweight the comment would be even more cruel. Not less cruel. It would be a way of telling her that the way she exists in the world is not ok. Trust me when I tell you that has lifelong consequences.

+infinity

The damage is done; how you react to it will either intensify or mitigate the fallout

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you say in the moment, OP? To maintain a close relationship with her and teach her not to accept abuse you have to aggressively defend her. I would ask him to leave the house for the night and discuss it tomorrow. You need to do something that she will remember.

In a calmer moment, ask her if anything Like this has happened before.

Apparently OP's defense would be that she's not fat. Otherwise it would be fine.

Obviously not what OP was saying. The insult was just particularly demeaning because DD was trying to look nice, which she did (apparently), and DH took that away from her.

[Anonymous]

Are you married to Alec Baldwin ?

[Anonymous]

As others have noted, time for divorce. It's the DCUM way whenever a person makes a mistake. There's no recovering.

Plenty of great men out there for a middle-aged single mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you married to Alec Baldwin?

Thought the same, wondering if this is a troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most generous interpretation would be that he panicked about the social consequences of being overweight in revealing clothing, mostly the bias in his own head but also his lived experience. He tried to enforce a dress code to maintain power/protect, and when she pushed back he had a fear and impotence tantrum and lashed out to try to make her feel the fear and panic that drove him in the first place.
Pathetic. Wrong. But not evil. Just a very bad day and a very wrong reaction. He can apologize, learn and come back from it. If he wants to.

OP here. Part of the reason I’m so furious is that she is NOT, by any objective measure, overweight or unattractive. Saying something insulting that’s true is one thing, but coming up with something like this that’s a total lie is really despicable.

Wow....

Wdym?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's never happened before, it sounds like he was really frustrated that she wouldn't obey him, and he overreacted. I would talk to him again when he has cooled down (and he is in a good mood), and how disturbing that language was. I would insist he apologize. I would also ask your daughter to apologize to him for being disobedient. If he isn't willing to apologize after this has blown over, I think I would insist on doing a parenting class like PEP together, or ask him to talk to a therapist.

You're kidding, right?

[Anonymous]

Has your DH been behaving normally in all other respects recently? If this is totally out of the blue and completely unlike the DH you've known for years, I wouldn't completely dismiss the possibility of some kind of onset of a neurological issue. Or that something utterly ghastly has happened at work and he's displacing and lashing out or about to have a breakdown or something. Or he's using something.

Maybe he's had the wool over your eyes for years and is now showing his true colors, but sudden personality change and out of character behavior can also be a medical symptom. This all sounds awful and is probably low odds but I would at least give it consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's never happened before, it sounds like he was really frustrated that she wouldn't obey him, and he overreacted. I would talk to him again when he has cooled down (and he is in a good mood), and how disturbing that language was. I would insist he apologize. I would also ask your daughter to apologize to him for being disobedient. If he isn't willing to apologize after this has blown over, I think I would insist on doing a parenting class like PEP together, or ask him to talk to a therapist.

You're kidding, right?

+1. The DD may not have made the best choices, but she is a child. There is no excuse for DH’s actions and having DD apologize will send the completely wrong message.