DH called DD a “fat ugly pig”

[Anonymous]

She will not forget this, ever. She will also not forget how your react to this.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t this what Alec Baldwin said to his kid?

Your husband decided to go for the jugular and insult your daughter personally; he deliberately picked things that he knew would hurt her. How is their relationship otherwise? I don’t care how mad he was, if he is capable of hitting below the belt like this with his own child, he sounds pretty toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you and he allow her to have age inappropriate clothes? Remove the clothes and this won't be an issue.

Way to miss the point.

[Anonymous]

Op, are others in your family this icky?

[Anonymous]

I'd never marry/stay married to a man who would say that to our child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you and he allow her to have age inappropriate clothes? Remove the clothes and this won't be an issue.

Removing the husband would be a more reliable fix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ. You married a real piece of work. Tell him he's [redacted], tell her she's beautiful, and leave the house without him.

He's clearly in the wrong, but I don't think focusing on her looks and telling her she's beautiful is the right thing to do here.

She's wearing cropped shorts/shirt, with her bits possibly hanging out. That's not really age appropriate for a 16 yr old especially if she's going to school.

If he's never said this before to her, then what made him say it now? Doesn't matter what she was wearing, I agree. He should never say that to her, but if she's wearing something completely inappropriate, that's a problem too.

DD is 15 and she said some girls wear such short shorts that literally their butt is hanging out, and they wear tube tops that look like strapless bras.

Actually, after her dad tears down her self worth by attacking her looks is exactly the right time to counter that message by telling her she's beautiful.

Dad: You're a fat ugly pig.
Mom: Daddy shouldn't have been mean, you're very kind!

NO. Bad, stupid DCUM take. As is the weird hyperfixation on her "bits hanging out" at school - all invented details to downplay how disgusting the man's comment was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The most generous interpretation would be that he panicked about the social consequences of being overweight in revealing clothing, mostly the bias in his own head but also his lived experience. He tried to enforce a dress code to maintain power/protect, and when she pushed back he had a fear and impotence tantrum and lashed out to try to make her feel the fear and panic that drove him in the first place.
Pathetic. Wrong. But not evil. Just a very bad day and a very wrong reaction. He can apologize, learn and come back from it. If he wants to.

OP here. Part of the reason I’m so furious is that she is NOT, by any objective measure, overweight or unattractive. Saying something insulting that’s true is one thing, but coming up with something like this that’s a total lie is really despicable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe he never ever said anything like this before.

You married a complete ass.

Why the hell are you with a person that says those types of things? To your own daughter?

He would not have a mouth to open if he ever said that to one of mine. Ever.

If I married an ass, he would be gone by now. But until this incident, we’ve been a happy family and DD has had a great relationship with her dad. I don’t want this to be destroyed because of what he did.

He said what was on his mind. Either he has a brain disorder or he's not the great guy you thought.

[Anonymous]

You're next, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most generous interpretation would be that he panicked about the social consequences of being overweight in revealing clothing, mostly the bias in his own head but also his lived experience. He tried to enforce a dress code to maintain power/protect, and when she pushed back he had a fear and impotence tantrum and lashed out to try to make her feel the fear and panic that drove him in the first place.
Pathetic. Wrong. But not evil. Just a very bad day and a very wrong reaction. He can apologize, learn and come back from it. If he wants to.

OP here. Part of the reason I’m so furious is that she is NOT, by any objective measure, overweight or unattractive. Saying something insulting that’s true is one thing, but coming up with something like this that’s a total lie is really despicable.

Wow....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most generous interpretation would be that he panicked about the social consequences of being overweight in revealing clothing, mostly the bias in his own head but also his lived experience. He tried to enforce a dress code to maintain power/protect, and when she pushed back he had a fear and impotence tantrum and lashed out to try to make her feel the fear and panic that drove him in the first place.
Pathetic. Wrong. But not evil. Just a very bad day and a very wrong reaction. He can apologize, learn and come back from it. If he wants to.

OP here. Part of the reason I’m so furious is that she is NOT, by any objective measure, overweight or unattractive. Saying something insulting that’s true is one thing, but coming up with something like this that’s a total lie is really despicable.

Even if she were overweight, it would still have been terrible. Does he regret what he said? How has he reacted to this whole situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most generous interpretation would be that he panicked about the social consequences of being overweight in revealing clothing, mostly the bias in his own head but also his lived experience. He tried to enforce a dress code to maintain power/protect, and when she pushed back he had a fear and impotence tantrum and lashed out to try to make her feel the fear and panic that drove him in the first place.
Pathetic. Wrong. But not evil. Just a very bad day and a very wrong reaction. He can apologize, learn and come back from it. If he wants to.

OP here. Part of the reason I’m so furious is that she is NOT, by any objective measure, overweight or unattractive. Saying something insulting that’s true is one thing, but coming up with something like this that’s a total lie is really despicable.

No, it's really despicable either way. He is her father, not some mean girl or school bully.

[Anonymous]

She will remember that forever. That is so unfortunate. I don't understand the bizarre pleasure men get from tearing down girls/women, especially those close to them, that they claim to love.

I would be extremely angry. I would suggest marriage counselling, but if he's abusive it's not recommended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most generous interpretation would be that he panicked about the social consequences of being overweight in revealing clothing, mostly the bias in his own head but also his lived experience. He tried to enforce a dress code to maintain power/protect, and when she pushed back he had a fear and impotence tantrum and lashed out to try to make her feel the fear and panic that drove him in the first place.
Pathetic. Wrong. But not evil. Just a very bad day and a very wrong reaction. He can apologize, learn and come back from it. If he wants to.

OP here. Part of the reason I’m so furious is that she is NOT, by any objective measure, overweight or unattractive. Saying something insulting that’s true is one thing, but coming up with something like this that’s a total lie is really despicable.

Cool, cool. Your husband is a guy who uses dehumanizing, body-shaming language toward women who don't immediately bend to his will. Sounds like a real gem. Start saving for eating disorder treatment - it can be pricey.