DH called DD a “fat ugly pig”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your poor daughter. My dad once made a comment about my legs when I was a teenager. I am in my 40s and due to his comment I still don’t wear shorts or dresses. He didn’t want to make me feel bad, it was just his observation but I had never forget it.

Not to pick on you individually, because there is a lot of this type of thinking being espoused in this post, but you do realize that this is not a reasonable reaction, don’t you? What has gone on in your life that you are still blaming words from decades ago for the decisions you’re making now?

Many of you do need a short round of therapy, but not to get over the trauma of a hurtful comment or two, but to help you develop a sense of self and a little bit of resilience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People here are being very dramatic.

Yes that is a terrible thing to say, and I would be questioning my marriage, but to say your daughter is forever ruined by it is over the top. She is not destined for an eating disorder or a lifetime of therapy because of a hurtful comment. Teach your teens some resilience. You have to be able to move on from hurtful words- even from those you are closest to. One comment from Dad doesn’t define her unless she lets it.

Are you a dude? "Hurtful comment"? You do not seem to understand the magnitude of these comments on girls self esteem at this delicate age. It absolutely does affect her forever. She does not need to learn resilience, her father needs to learn to shut the f*** up if he can't say anything nice. Insulting his daughter with this language is beyond inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you say in the moment, OP? To maintain a close relationship with her and teach her not to accept abuse you have to aggressively defend her. I would ask him to leave the house for the night and discuss it tomorrow. You need to do something that she will remember.

In a calmer moment, ask her if anything Like this has happened before.

OP here. I told DD that it is not okay for DH to say that, ever, and that he didn’t mean it. I told DH that he needs to leave so he stormed out of the house. Not sure when he’s coming back but DD and I are going to watch a movie.

It took me until I was 40 before I realized that my mom was always "interpreting" what my dad said and didn't say. "Of course, he loves you!", "Oh, he didn't mean it!"

It took me that long to see that she was his enabler and that her relationship with dad would always trump me.

Wow PP.

Wow indeed, that is an awful thing for a child to go through. Props to you pp for recognizing this unhealthy behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here are being very dramatic.

Yes that is a terrible thing to say, and I would be questioning my marriage, but to say your daughter is forever ruined by it is over the top. She is not destined for an eating disorder or a lifetime of therapy because of a hurtful comment. Teach your teens some resilience. You have to be able to move on from hurtful words- even from those you are closest to. One comment from Dad doesn’t define her unless she lets it.

Yes and No. My father nicknamed me "Useless" as a teenager and went as far as to have it embroidered on my bath towel (you know, as a 'joke'.) Yes, I grew up to be a decent wife, good mother, proficient at my job and a couple of degrees, and generally well adjusted, but I am sure that not so far under the surface are the scars, hurt, embarrassment, and 1001 emotional tolls of being told I was 'useless' as a teen.

Or maybe it’s what ultimately inspired you to be a decent wife, good mother, a proficient worker, who is well adjusted and with a couple of degrees?

Or perhaps it’s better to tell yourself this is the reality (even if it’s not) until you believe it. Believe that Dad was just doling out some tough love because he ultimately believed that are NOT useless, and look at you now!

Tough love doesn't exist. Stop justifying disgusting behavior.

[Anonymous]

Kick him out ASAP. That's unforgivable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your poor daughter. My dad once made a comment about my legs when I was a teenager. I am in my 40s and due to his comment I still don’t wear shorts or dresses. He didn’t want to make me feel bad, it was just his observation but I had never forget it.

Not to pick on you individually, because there is a lot of this type of thinking being espoused in this post, but you do realize that this is not a reasonable reaction, don’t you? What has gone on in your life that you are still blaming words from decades ago for the decisions you’re making now?

Many of you do need a short round of therapy, but not to get over the trauma of a hurtful comment or two, but to help you develop a sense of self and a little bit of resilience.

Yep, dude confirmed. Stop justifying abuse of women and girls. Stop calling women unreasonable for being upset. Stop insinuating people that were hurt by their parents are unreasonable. No person should say these words to another person, but especially not a child.

Please never have children, and never talk to young girls again. You're likely to say something awful to them trying to teach them resilience or some shit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here are being very dramatic.

Yes that is a terrible thing to say, and I would be questioning my marriage, but to say your daughter is forever ruined by it is over the top. She is not destined for an eating disorder or a lifetime of therapy because of a hurtful comment. Teach your teens some resilience. You have to be able to move on from hurtful words- even from those you are closest to. One comment from Dad doesn’t define her unless she lets it.

Are you a dude? "Hurtful comment"? You do not seem to understand the magnitude of these comments on girls self esteem at this delicate age. It absolutely does affect her forever. She does not need to learn resilience, her father needs to learn to shut the f*** up if he can't say anything nice. Insulting his daughter with this language is beyond inappropriate.

DP. Dad already said it. So him learning to shut the f*** up now (and I agree he should) doesn’t change anything. So actually yes, the daughter absolutely DOES need to learn resilience because that is ultimately what will help her self esteem.

It’s bizarre how many of you are acting as though one hurtful comment will absolutely ruin a girl forever, and apparently you’re teaching this attitude to your daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your poor daughter. My dad once made a comment about my legs when I was a teenager. I am in my 40s and due to his comment I still don’t wear shorts or dresses. He didn’t want to make me feel bad, it was just his observation but I had never forget it.

Not to pick on you individually, because there is a lot of this type of thinking being espoused in this post, but you do realize that this is not a reasonable reaction, don’t you? What has gone on in your life that you are still blaming words from decades ago for the decisions you’re making now?

Many of you do need a short round of therapy, but not to get over the trauma of a hurtful comment or two, but to help you develop a sense of self and a little bit of resilience.

Yep, dude confirmed. Stop justifying abuse of women and girls. Stop calling women unreasonable for being upset. Stop insinuating people that were hurt by their parents are unreasonable. No person should say these words to another person, but especially not a child.

Please never have children, and never talk to young girls again. You're likely to say something awful to them trying to teach them resilience or some shit

My bad. This is clearly the rational response of a reasonable person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here are being very dramatic.

Yes that is a terrible thing to say, and I would be questioning my marriage, but to say your daughter is forever ruined by it is over the top. She is not destined for an eating disorder or a lifetime of therapy because of a hurtful comment. Teach your teens some resilience. You have to be able to move on from hurtful words- even from those you are closest to. One comment from Dad doesn’t define her unless she lets it.

Are you a dude? "Hurtful comment"? You do not seem to understand the magnitude of these comments on girls self esteem at this delicate age. It absolutely does affect her forever. She does not need to learn resilience, her father needs to learn to shut the f*** up if he can't say anything nice. Insulting his daughter with this language is beyond inappropriate.

DP. Dad already said it. So him learning to shut the f*** up now (and I agree he should) doesn’t change anything. So actually yes, the daughter absolutely DOES need to learn resilience because that is ultimately what will help her self esteem.

It’s bizarre how many of you are acting as though one hurtful comment will absolutely ruin a girl forever, and apparently you’re teaching this attitude to your daughters.

If this is a real story, which I doubt, then the dad needs to make a heartfelt apology to his daughter FIRST and then he needs to never demean her again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here are being very dramatic.

Yes that is a terrible thing to say, and I would be questioning my marriage, but to say your daughter is forever ruined by it is over the top. She is not destined for an eating disorder or a lifetime of therapy because of a hurtful comment. Teach your teens some resilience. You have to be able to move on from hurtful words- even from those you are closest to. One comment from Dad doesn’t define her unless she lets it.

Are you a dude? "Hurtful comment"? You do not seem to understand the magnitude of these comments on girls self esteem at this delicate age. It absolutely does affect her forever. She does not need to learn resilience, her father needs to learn to shut the f*** up if he can't say anything nice. Insulting his daughter with this language is beyond inappropriate.

DP. Dad already said it. So him learning to shut the f*** up now (and I agree he should) doesn’t change anything. So actually yes, the daughter absolutely DOES need to learn resilience because that is ultimately what will help her self esteem.

It’s bizarre how many of you are acting as though one hurtful comment will absolutely ruin a girl forever, and apparently you’re teaching this attitude to your daughters.

I'm sure you'll just mansplain away anyways, but if you'd read the thread you'd see many instances of this happening. A negative comment about a girls appearance can stay with her forever, and can tarnish the relationship with that person forever. This hasn't been your experience because you're a dude, but if you cared to learn (I'm sure you don't), it's all written here in black and white for you to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most generous interpretation would be that he panicked about the social consequences of being overweight in revealing clothing, mostly the bias in his own head but also his lived experience. He tried to enforce a dress code to maintain power/protect, and when she pushed back he had a fear and impotence tantrum and lashed out to try to make her feel the fear and panic that drove him in the first place.
Pathetic. Wrong. But not evil. Just a very bad day and a very wrong reaction. He can apologize, learn and come back from it. If he wants to.

OP here. Part of the reason I’m so furious is that she is NOT, by any objective measure, overweight or unattractive. Saying something insulting that’s true is one thing, but coming up with something like this that’s a total lie is really despicable.

Cool, cool. Your husband is a guy who uses dehumanizing, body-shaming language toward women who don't immediately bend to his will. Sounds like a real gem. Start saving for eating disorder treatment - it can be pricey.

This. If your DH wasn't immediately horrified about the names he just called his CHILD he is in NO WAY a good person. I would have immediately screamed at him to get the eff out of our house and never speak to anyone else that way again. It would have been a knock down drag out fight and my kid would have seen every female instinct in me explode.

Your DH need to understand how absolutely awful what he said was. He might as well screamed that he hated her in her face. I would have been distraught if a stranger called me names like that, but MY OWN FATHER?? I'm not sure the relationship can even recover from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here are being very dramatic.

Yes that is a terrible thing to say, and I would be questioning my marriage, but to say your daughter is forever ruined by it is over the top. She is not destined for an eating disorder or a lifetime of therapy because of a hurtful comment. Teach your teens some resilience. You have to be able to move on from hurtful words- even from those you are closest to. One comment from Dad doesn’t define her unless she lets it.

Yes and No. My father nicknamed me "Useless" as a teenager and went as far as to have it embroidered on my bath towel (you know, as a 'joke'.) Yes, I grew up to be a decent wife, good mother, proficient at my job and a couple of degrees, and generally well adjusted, but I am sure that not so far under the surface are the scars, hurt, embarrassment, and 1001 emotional tolls of being told I was 'useless' as a teen.

This isn’t comparable to a one time comment by dad.

[Anonymous]

OP is a troll, as outed by Jeff in his blog today.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/weblog/2024/05/10/update051024

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here are being very dramatic.

Yes that is a terrible thing to say, and I would be questioning my marriage, but to say your daughter is forever ruined by it is over the top. She is not destined for an eating disorder or a lifetime of therapy because of a hurtful comment. Teach your teens some resilience. You have to be able to move on from hurtful words- even from those you are closest to. One comment from Dad doesn’t define her unless she lets it.

Yes and No. My father nicknamed me "Useless" as a teenager and went as far as to have it embroidered on my bath towel (you know, as a 'joke'.) Yes, I grew up to be a decent wife, good mother, proficient at my job and a couple of degrees, and generally well adjusted, but I am sure that not so far under the surface are the scars, hurt, embarrassment, and 1001 emotional tolls of being told I was 'useless' as a teen.

How awful. I'm sorry, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here are being very dramatic.

Yes that is a terrible thing to say, and I would be questioning my marriage, but to say your daughter is forever ruined by it is over the top. She is not destined for an eating disorder or a lifetime of therapy because of a hurtful comment. Teach your teens some resilience. You have to be able to move on from hurtful words- even from those you are closest to. One comment from Dad doesn’t define her unless she lets it.

Yes and No. My father nicknamed me "Useless" as a teenager and went as far as to have it embroidered on my bath towel (you know, as a 'joke'.) Yes, I grew up to be a decent wife, good mother, proficient at my job and a couple of degrees, and generally well adjusted, but I am sure that not so far under the surface are the scars, hurt, embarrassment, and 1001 emotional tolls of being told I was 'useless' as a teen.

Or maybe it’s what ultimately inspired you to be a decent wife, good mother, a proficient worker, who is well adjusted and with a couple of degrees?

Or perhaps it’s better to tell yourself this is the reality (even if it’s not) until you believe it. Believe that Dad was just doling out some tough love because he ultimately believed that are NOT useless, and look at you now!

Tough love doesn't exist. Stop justifying disgusting behavior.

Stop debating empty phrases.