DH called DD a “fat ugly pig”

[Anonymous]

DH just called DD16 a “fat ugly pig” after she refused to change out of her short/cropped clothes into something more age appropriate. DD started crying and DH refuses to apologize. I’m shocked and furious. To my knowledge, he has never said anything like this before. What to do?

[Anonymous]

Are you married to Alec Baldwin?

[Anonymous]

That is horrible. She'll never get over it.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe he never ever said anything like this before.

You married a complete ass.

Why the hell are you with a person that says those types of things? To your own daughter?

He would not have a mouth to open if he ever said that to one of mine. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Calmly hold the line that he was wrong and try to give everyone space to calm down. I might ask him to talk to a counselor or therapist about it if he still doesn’t come around after calming down.

Having teens is hard and everyone is wrong sometimes. But obviously he’s wrong and needs to get his head around it and make amends. As much grace as you can extend but no compromise.

[Anonymous]

Jesus Christ. You married a real piece of work. Tell him he's [redacted], tell her she's beautiful, and leave the house without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe he never ever said anything like this before.

You married a complete ass.

Why the hell are you with a person that says those types of things? To your own daughter?

He would not have a mouth to open if he ever said that to one of mine. Ever.

Lol glad you are here to demonstrate mature, respectful communication.

[Anonymous]

If it's never happened before, it sounds like he was really frustrated that she wouldn't obey him, and he overreacted. I would talk to him again when he has cooled down (and he is in a good mood), and how disturbing that language was. I would insist he apologize. I would also ask your daughter to apologize to him for being disobedient. If he isn't willing to apologize after this has blown over, I think I would insist on doing a parenting class like PEP together, or ask him to talk to a therapist.

[Anonymous]

That's horrible. In the moment, I would do something to separate the two of them and support DD: either he leaves or you and DD leave. Everybody cool off. Talk to DD about why he's wrong.

If after cooling off he still doesn't think he's wrong, I'd consider leaving him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe he never ever said anything like this before.

You married a complete ass.

Why the hell are you with a person that says those types of things? To your own daughter?

He would not have a mouth to open if he ever said that to one of mine. Ever.

If I married an ass, he would be gone by now. But until this incident, we’ve been a happy family and DD has had a great relationship with her dad. I don’t want this to be destroyed because of what he did.

[Anonymous]

The most generous interpretation would be that he panicked about the social consequences of being overweight in revealing clothing, mostly the bias in his own head but also his lived experience. He tried to enforce a dress code to maintain power/protect, and when she pushed back he had a fear and impotence tantrum and lashed out to try to make her feel the fear and panic that drove him in the first place.
Pathetic. Wrong. But not evil. Just a very bad day and a very wrong reaction. He can apologize, learn and come back from it. If he wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe he never ever said anything like this before.

You married a complete ass.

Why the hell are you with a person that says those types of things? To your own daughter?

He would not have a mouth to open if he ever said that to one of mine. Ever.

Lol glad you are here to demonstrate mature, respectful communication.

Her husband is not going to communicate.

People who use words like he did will never change.

He is an ass. I don't believe those words came out of his mouth only this time.

[Anonymous]

Why do you and he allow her to have age inappropriate clothes? Remove the clothes and this won't be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's never happened before, it sounds like he was really frustrated that she wouldn't obey him, and he overreacted. I would talk to him again when he has cooled down (and he is in a good mood), and how disturbing that language was. I would insist he apologize. I would also ask your daughter to apologize to him for being disobedient. If he isn't willing to apologize after this has blown over, I think I would insist on doing a parenting class like PEP together, or ask him to talk to a therapist.

OMG do not tell your daughter to apologize to a man who just called her a fat ugly pig. Teach her some self respect instead. I'm sorry your husband is an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ. You married a real piece of work. Tell him he's [redacted], tell her she's beautiful, and leave the house without him.

He's clearly in the wrong, but I don't think focusing on her looks and telling her she's beautiful is the right thing to do here.

She's wearing cropped shorts/shirt, with her bits possibly hanging out. That's not really age appropriate for a 16 yr old especially if she's going to school.

If he's never said this before to her, then what made him say it now? Doesn't matter what she was wearing, I agree. He should never say that to her, but if she's wearing something completely inappropriate, that's a problem too.

DD is 15 and she said some girls wear such short shorts that literally their butt is hanging out, and they wear tube tops that look like strapless bras.