DS heartbroken he’s one of the only kids not invited to bar mitzvah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happened to my daughter and a memorable event from her middle school years - someone that she was friends with didn't invite her but invited other of her friends. To cap it off, everyone wore their sweatshirt branded with the kid's name to school on Monday - good times. All that said, we explained that sometimes you don't get invited and it doesn't mean you're not friends - and did something fun with her that weekend.

I *detest* those sweatshirts. My daughter didn't make the cut list for a girl she was friendly with - that's fine, but *every single one* of her friends was invited, and now they alllll having matching sweatshirts that serve as a constant reminder to my daughter that she didn't make the cut.

What kind of personal middle school event has sweatshirts? Not being snarky. Honestly can't imagine.

B'nai Mitzvah parties. Try to keep up with the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is part of why I really detest OTT bar mitzvahs, that make it more about the party than the service.

Me too. This is a symbol of over the top privilege and indulgence that only leaves kids feeling entitled and other feeling hurt and angry. It is gross. My friend’s daughters Quinceañera cost more than our wedding did. The whole thing is too much. OP this is a great opportunity to teach resilience and adaptability.

How about stifling your jealous feelings and helping the kid adjust to an uncomfortable situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happened to my daughter and a memorable event from her middle school years - someone that she was friends with didn't invite her but invited other of her friends. To cap it off, everyone wore their sweatshirt branded with the kid's name to school on Monday - good times. All that said, we explained that sometimes you don't get invited and it doesn't mean you're not friends - and did something fun with her that weekend.

I *detest* those sweatshirts. My daughter didn't make the cut list for a girl she was friendly with - that's fine, but *every single one* of her friends was invited, and now they alllll having matching sweatshirts that serve as a constant reminder to my daughter that she didn't make the cut.

What kind of personal middle school event has sweatshirts? Not being snarky. Honestly can't imagine.

B'nai Mitzvah parties. Try to keep up with the thread.

"Happened to my daughter and a memorable event from her middle school years"

That would imply a mitzvah is NOT what PP was speaking of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spend the would-have-been gift money on an activity for kid and a friend.

Hang out with more gentiles.

A shy kid doesn't get invited to a party so he should be antisemitic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happened to my daughter and a memorable event from her middle school years - someone that she was friends with didn't invite her but invited other of her friends. To cap it off, everyone wore their sweatshirt branded with the kid's name to school on Monday - good times. All that said, we explained that sometimes you don't get invited and it doesn't mean you're not friends - and did something fun with her that weekend.

I *detest* those sweatshirts. My daughter didn't make the cut list for a girl she was friendly with - that's fine, but *every single one* of her friends was invited, and now they alllll having matching sweatshirts that serve as a constant reminder to my daughter that she didn't make the cut.

What kind of personal middle school event has sweatshirts? Not being snarky. Honestly can't imagine.

B'nai Mitzvah parties. Try to keep up with the thread.

"Happened to my daughter and a memorable event from her middle school years"

That would imply a mitzvah is NOT what PP was speaking of.

Why wouldn’t it be a mitzvah party? That’s a memorable event that occurs in middle school…

[Anonymous]

Is HE heartbroken, or are YOU heartbroken for him?

If there wasn't a famous artist performing, would your reaction be the same? Is the feeling of missing out because it's an over the top event, or becuase he wants to celebrate the bar mitzvah boy?

I've had FOMO when I see things on SM that I'm not invited to. But when I'm honest with myself, I'm not that close with the host, it didn't even occur to me to text happy birthday or whatever, so why do I think I have the right to an invitation to the celebration?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He isn't friends with the kids, so why would he expect to be invited?

Because it's become a de facto class party.

Change school if they all suck like this. Why are you there if that is the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happened to my daughter and a memorable event from her middle school years - someone that she was friends with didn't invite her but invited other of her friends. To cap it off, everyone wore their sweatshirt branded with the kid's name to school on Monday - good times. All that said, we explained that sometimes you don't get invited and it doesn't mean you're not friends - and did something fun with her that weekend.

I *detest* those sweatshirts. My daughter didn't make the cut list for a girl she was friendly with - that's fine, but *every single one* of her friends was invited, and now they alllll having matching sweatshirts that serve as a constant reminder to my daughter that she didn't make the cut.

What kind of personal middle school event has sweatshirts? Not being snarky. Honestly can't imagine.

B'nai Mitzvah parties. Try to keep up with the thread.

"Happened to my daughter and a memorable event from her middle school years" That would imply a mitzvah is NOT what PP was speaking of.

NP. I only know of one kid who got bar mitzvah'd in HS (9th grade). Everyone else did it in 7th or 8th grade - middle school years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happened to my daughter and a memorable event from her middle school years - someone that she was friends with didn't invite her but invited other of her friends. To cap it off, everyone wore their sweatshirt branded with the kid's name to school on Monday - good times. All that said, we explained that sometimes you don't get invited and it doesn't mean you're not friends - and did something fun with her that weekend.

I *detest* those sweatshirts. My daughter didn't make the cut list for a girl she was friendly with - that's fine, but *every single one* of her friends was invited, and now they alllll having matching sweatshirts that serve as a constant reminder to my daughter that she didn't make the cut.

What kind of personal middle school event has sweatshirts? Not being snarky. Honestly can't imagine.

B'nai Mitzvah parties. Try to keep up with the thread.

"Happened to my daughter and a memorable event from her middle school years"

That would imply a mitzvah is NOT what PP was speaking of.

Why wouldn’t it be a mitzvah party? That’s a memorable event that occurs in middle school…

I don't know, since that's what the thread was about, I would have thought PP would have said specifically if it was the case. Not important. Was just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spend the would-have-been gift money on an activity for kid and a friend.

Hang out with more gentiles.

A shy kid doesn't get invited to a party so he should be antisemitic?

I would think widen your horizon to what else is out there. Become bigger not smaller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is HE heartbroken, or are YOU heartbroken for him?

If there wasn't a famous artist performing, would your reaction be the same? Is the feeling of missing out because it's an over the top event, or becuase he wants to celebrate the bar mitzvah boy?

I've had FOMO when I see things on SM that I'm not invited to. But when I'm honest with myself, I'm not that close with the host, it didn't even occur to me to text happy birthday or whatever, so why do I think I have the right to an invitation to the celebration?

+1

[Anonymous]

I totally get why your son would feel badly, but it is really expensive for the host (like way beyond what a birthday party costs to host), so I think it is understandable that, if he wasn't good friends with the host child, he's not invited. I'd focus on doing something else special with him that weekend instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How good friends is he with the kid?

There were probably a handful of good friends. The rest are classmates. How hard would,it be to include all classmates? It’s that attitude that makes this country so ugly.

[Anonymous]

It's low class to invite most of the grade and exclude only a few kids. Many schools even have explicit policies against this. Sound like nouveau riche trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It used to be the rule that children should not talk about parties in front of other people that are not invited. It's sad that all that wealth cannot buy class

And it’s not helpful when each kid gets a hoody!