DS heartbroken he’s one of the only kids not invited to bar mitzvah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

The bolded part is very true. Socially, many rich kids like OP's kid might be better off in a good large public with money spent on outside enrichment, rather than an elite private school that although it provides a very academically enriching environment is also very toxic social-wise.

Blah blah blah, not all private schools are toxic. I love it when public school parents come on this board and try to
disparage private schools. How do you know what haute cuisine tastes like if you’ve only eaten at the buffet? Stay in your lane.

Anyhow, this thing happens in public school too. At our zoned middle school, plenty of pimply faces girls showing up the day after the event with t-shirts and swag on. Glad my DD is now in a private school that is inclusive and diverse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

The bolded part is very true. Socially, many rich kids like OP's kid might be better off in a good large public with money spent on outside enrichment, rather than an elite private school that although it provides a very academically enriching environment is also very toxic social-wise.

Blah blah blah, not all private schools are toxic. I love it when public school parents come on this board and try to
disparage private schools. How do you know what haute cuisine tastes like if you’ve only eaten at the buffet? Stay in your lane.

Anyhow, this thing happens in public school too. At our zoned middle school, plenty of pimply faces girls showing up the day after the event with t-shirts and swag on. Glad my DD is now in a private school that is inclusive and diverse.

No one said all private schools are toxic. The OP intimated it and that's what we are responding to. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

The bolded part is very true. Socially, many rich kids like OP's kid might be better off in a good large public with money spent on outside enrichment, rather than an elite private school that although it provides a very academically enriching environment is also very toxic social-wise.

Blah blah blah, not all private schools are toxic. I love it when public school parents come on this board and try to
disparage private schools. How do you know what haute cuisine tastes like if you’ve only eaten at the buffet? Stay in your lane.

Anyhow, this thing happens in public school too. At our zoned middle school, plenty of pimply faces girls showing up the day after the event with t-shirts and swag on. Glad my DD is now in a private school that is inclusive and diverse.

Yes I'm sure it's very diverse and inclusive, just not with pimples, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

The bolded part is very true. Socially, many rich kids like OP's kid might be better off in a good large public with money spent on outside enrichment, rather than an elite private school that although it provides a very academically enriching environment is also very toxic social-wise.

Blah blah blah, not all private schools are toxic. I love it when public school parents come on this board and try to
disparage private schools. How do you know what haute cuisine tastes like if you’ve only eaten at the buffet? Stay in your lane.

Anyhow, this thing happens in public school too. At our zoned middle school, plenty of pimply faces girls showing up the day after the event with t-shirts and swag on. Glad my DD is now in a private school that is inclusive and diverse.

-private school kid and parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shy/introverted boys need something they can be good at. It's not always a super social activity - there are lots of sports that are more single effort. Lots of young men find confidence building themselves up in these areas. Mountain biking, BJJ, wrestling, weightlifting, outdoor sports in general are all full of introverts.

OP, I agree with the quoted PP, and will also point out that activities don't have to be sports, and there are activities that can help shy/introverted boys learn to socialize. For example, Dungeons & Dragons or Magic: The Gathering or similar games that aren't video games but require more talking/interacting. We moved to the DMV from a smaller town/smaller school when DS started 6th grade, and he was so lonely until he found his tribe playing D&D/MTG. In fact, his counselor set him up with other, similar boys at a lunch table.

He also started rowing in 9th grade, which was great because kids basically don't start rowing until 9th, so they're all on the same level and haven't been playing since they could walk. It really helped expand his social circle as the team was incredibly inclusive and supportive.

I agree with the PP on helping him build resilience by focusing on things other than the bar mitzvah he's not invited to but more generally he sounds like he needs help developing social skills and connections (both inside and outside school). Very common with boys this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

The bolded part is very true. Socially, many rich kids like OP's kid might be better off in a good large public with money spent on outside enrichment, rather than an elite private school that although it provides a very academically enriching environment is also very toxic social-wise.

Blah blah blah, not all private schools are toxic. I love it when public school parents come on this board and try to
disparage private schools. How do you know what haute cuisine tastes like if you’ve only eaten at the buffet? Stay in your lane.

Anyhow, this thing happens in public school too. At our zoned middle school, plenty of pimply faces girls showing up the day after the event with t-shirts and swag on. Glad my DD is now in a private school that is inclusive and diverse.

you don't see the hypocrisy in your post, do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

The bolded part is very true. Socially, many rich kids like OP's kid might be better off in a good large public with money spent on outside enrichment, rather than an elite private school that although it provides a very academically enriching environment is also very toxic social-wise.

Blah blah blah, not all private schools are toxic. I love it when public school parents come on this board and try to
disparage private schools. How do you know what haute cuisine tastes like if you’ve only eaten at the buffet? Stay in your lane.

Anyhow, this thing happens in public school too. At our zoned middle school, plenty of pimply faces girls showing up the day after the event with t-shirts and swag on. Glad my DD is now in a private school that is inclusive and diverse.

Yes I'm sure it's very diverse and inclusive, just not with pimples, apparently.

expensive dermatologists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did OP ever say it was private school?

It assumed. If he went to public school, there would be tons of kids without invitations. No one invites the entire grade at a public school

How many billionaire's kids go to public school? None. She said the kid who didn't invite her son was from a billionaire family. It's definitely a private school.

[Anonymous]

It’s just wrong. Our rule was if more than half the class was being invited..invite them all so no one is excluded Yes we were at private. BTW Not everyone accepted
To us it was better to be inclusive than exclusive and to teach that to our kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

Found the a55hole parent.

Maybe, but I'm actually trying to help. I don't think OP or her child staying in this mentality is actually going to serve them well the next 5 years.

Maybe you are trying to help, but you are being too harsh. You are making a lot of assumptions here based on little information. OP said she just wanted to help her child through this. Many of us have been in this position and it is painful. And blaming the OP for her child not being invited is just completely ridiculous. Makes me wonder about you, actually.

[Anonymous]

I find this original post a little suspicious. If the parents are that wealthy, I don't think they would have excluded anyone. My son was routinely invited to every single bar and bat mitzvah among his classmates, whether he knew them well or not. Being on "the circuit" is a thing, and it's usually more exhausting than exclusionary. So I question whether OP is telling the whole story, or even making up that this event is a bar mitzvah and not something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this original post a little suspicious. If the parents are that wealthy, I don't think they would have excluded anyone. My son was routinely invited to every single bar and bat mitzvah among his classmates, whether he knew them well or not. Being on "the circuit" is a thing, and it's usually more exhausting than exclusionary. So I question whether OP is telling the whole story, or even making up that this event is a bar mitzvah and not something else.

Well the number of kids in the grade and how many were/n't invited would be relevant information that we don't have... all we know is that the host family is wealthy and wrong!

[Anonymous]

I really thought this OTT Bear Mitzvah trend was finally fading. I guess not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

Found the a55hole parent.

Maybe, but I'm actually trying to help. I don't think OP or her child staying in this mentality is actually going to serve them well the next 5 years.

Maybe you are trying to help, but you are being too harsh. You are making a lot of assumptions here based on little information. OP said she just wanted to help her child through this. Many of us have been in this position and it is painful. And blaming the OP for her child not being invited is just completely ridiculous. Makes me wonder about you, actually.

You know what? You are right. I re-read what I wrote yesterday and it was harsh and made unfair assumptions. OP- I apologize. I was having a bad day but that's no excuse. To help your DS through this, try spending quality time as a family doing something special he enjoys, and see if there is at least 1-2 friends who might want to join, or come over for a fun evening. Help him enjoy what he's got going on socially. Fancy bar mitzvahs aren't always fun, anyway. They can be loud, annoying, or otherwise uncomfortable. Encourage him to shake it off.
Again, I'm sorry I was mean.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read the whole thread but is there a way for the kids who didn’t get invited to get together? If they’re friendly of course.