DS heartbroken he’s one of the only kids not invited to bar mitzvah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

Found the a55hole parent.

Maybe, but I'm actually trying to help. I don't think OP or her child staying in this mentality is actually going to serve them well the next 5 years.

Maybe you are trying to help, but you are being too harsh. You are making a lot of assumptions here based on little information. OP said she just wanted to help her child through this. Many of us have been in this position and it is painful. And blaming the OP for her child not being invited is just completely ridiculous. Makes me wonder about you, actually.

You know what? You are right. I re-read what I wrote yesterday and it was harsh and made unfair assumptions. OP- I apologize. I was having a bad day but that's no excuse. To help your DS through this, try spending quality time as a family doing something special he enjoys, and see if there is at least 1-2 friends who might want to join, or come over for a fun evening. Help him enjoy what he's got going on socially. Fancy bar mitzvahs aren't always fun, anyway. They can be loud, annoying, or otherwise uncomfortable. Encourage him to shake it off.
Again, I'm sorry I was mean.

I am the PP above you and I just want to say thank you, you are a DCUM rarity. I hope you are having a much better day today.

[Anonymous]

Round up the uninvited kids and help DS muster up the courage to plan something. They’re in 7th grade. He’s not the only one that didn’t get an invite. I suggest go karting and be sure the kids post on Instagram.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

Found the a55hole parent.

Maybe, but I'm actually trying to help. I don't think OP or her child staying in this mentality is actually going to serve them well the next 5 years.

Maybe you are trying to help, but you are being too harsh. You are making a lot of assumptions here based on little information. OP said she just wanted to help her child through this. Many of us have been in this position and it is painful. And blaming the OP for her child not being invited is just completely ridiculous. Makes me wonder about you, actually.

You know what? You are right. I re-read what I wrote yesterday and it was harsh and made unfair assumptions. OP- I apologize. I was having a bad day but that's no excuse. To help your DS through this, try spending quality time as a family doing something special he enjoys, and see if there is at least 1-2 friends who might want to join, or come over for a fun evening. Help him enjoy what he's got going on socially. Fancy bar mitzvahs aren't always fun, anyway. They can be loud, annoying, or otherwise uncomfortable. Encourage him to shake it off.
Again, I'm sorry I was mean.

I am the PP above you and I just want to say thank you, you are a DCUM rarity. I hope you are having a much better day today.

I’m impressed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Round up the uninvited kids and help DS muster up the courage to plan something. They’re in 7th grade. He’s not the only one that didn’t get an invite. I suggest go karting and be sure the kids post on Instagram.

Great idea!

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel better, there is a massive one going on in our area too. Everyone in 7th grade seems to be invited except my daughter. I cautiously asked her if she’s bothered by this and she said she doesn’t really know the girl well so it’s okay. I didn’t read all of the replies but is your son close with the boy? Or I wondered if you changed details and our two kids are the only ones not invited! Either way, it’s hard but an important lesson to learn. They don’t need to be invited to everything. DD planned a busy day tomorrow with a few friends that don’t go to her school and therefore won’t be going either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need advice on to support my son as he deals with feeling excluded. My son is so sweet and painfully shy so he hasn’t connected with a lot of kids in his 7th grade class. He just realized this weekend that he’s only of a handful of kids not invited to a bar mitzvah. The few friends he has are invited. The parents of the boy having the party are very wealthy and are having a famous musician perform so it’s all the kids are going to talk about. I feel so heartbroken for my son and don’t want to try to fix this for him but want him to understand we are not always invited and it happens a to everyone at some point. Any tips that have worked to help your kids overcome this?

This is the worst. Ask any parents of a college kid and they have been there.

Famous musician?! Who?

[Anonymous]

I say this as a mom of a shy kid who does not get invited to things - you agree it sucks, but you also point out that this is what happens when you do not push through your shyness to make connections. Yea, it sucks, but, the fix is not to expect the world to go out of its way to include him. The fix of for him to keep trying to make social connections or accept he will not be invited. And it’s ok if he decides he only needs a friend or two and is OK with not being popular. He may be better off for it.

[Anonymous]

How about your DS crashes the service and the party?!! He can pretend he thought he was invited with the entire class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about your DS crashes the service and the party?!! He can pretend he thought he was invited with the entire class.

I’m not encouraging this, but it would be funny.