DS heartbroken he’s one of the only kids not invited to bar mitzvah

[Anonymous]

When did OP ever say it was private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is part of why I really detest OTT bar mitzvahs, that make it more about the party than the service.

Are you going to start hating on all Jews next?

Why is always about being the victim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did OP ever say it was private school?

It assumed. If he went to public school, there would be tons of kids without invitations. No one invites the entire grade at a public school

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. My heart breaks for your DS. This may be a good incentive to try to work on his shyness so he can make more friendships and not forgotten in the crowd. Are you helping him work on this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, OP. My heart breaks for your DS. This may be a good incentive to try to work on his shyness so he can make more friendships and not forgotten in the crowd. Are you helping him work on this?

I think this is the way, OP, and that includes in school and outside through activities, sports, a faith community, etc. But day/weekend of, plan a happy distraction.

[Anonymous]

Shy/introverted boys need something they can be good at. It's not always a super social activity - there are lots of sports that are more single effort. Lots of young men find confidence building themselves up in these areas. Mountain biking, BJJ, wrestling, weightlifting, outdoor sports in general are all full of introverts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

Found the a55hole parent.

Maybe, but I'm actually trying to help. I don't think OP or her child staying in this mentality is actually going to serve them well the next 5 years.

Agree. They're adopting a victim mentality instead of potentially owning that there might be a reason they didn't get invited. In my experience, kids that are invited to MS events are other friends or fun kids. If you're neither, well, be prepared to miss out on outside of school events after elementary school. Such is life.

"Fun kids" is code for the ones with permissive parents. While they are quite popular, I'm not so sure OP to stoop being a "fun kid" parent just to help her kid score more invites. You also tend to score a lot of invites to the police station and principal's office.

Fun kids are entertaining. Energetic, funny, outgoing, creative in an audience-friendly way. Hosts kid-scale parties. Plays a cool instrument like guitar in a kid band. Maybe a little money to throw around on a cool game or toy to share.

We're not talking about a 12 year old who put out sexually for everyone or gets vapes and beer from their uncle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send him to a title one school, where no one is throwing multi-thousand dollar parties

That would be heartbreaking for mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did OP ever say it was private school?

Someone claiming to be OP claimed the Bar Mitzvah boy's family are billionaire. One presumes private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did OP ever say it was private school?

OP said the parents were billionaires. Have you ever heard of a billionaire sending their kids to public school? Serious question. Maybe some do and you happen to know them! The rest of us are making a logical inference based on our imperfect knowledge of billionaires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually did not get an invite to my best friends bar mitzvah in 7tj grade. I was new to the school and her bar mitzvah was in February -/ I think we were best friends by late fall but she said he mom had long since set the guest list and would not let her make additions. We were best friends until 12th grade and she was a bridesmaid at my wedding.

That's obviously not the situation for OP. In your case the BM girl addressed it with you directly and built up the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did OP ever say it was private school?

OP said the parents were billionaires. Have you ever heard of a billionaire sending their kids to public school? Serious question. Maybe some do and you happen to know them! The rest of us are making a logical inference based on our imperfect knowledge of billionaires.

Bit of a catch-22. If a billionaire went to public school they'd probably be keeping it under wraps and peers wouldn't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm sorry, I don't care if the family has billions of dollars. That's a gross observation. It doesn't matter how over the top this is or how spiritual it is for the family, they have a right to do whatever they want to do. This is your failure. It is your job to help your child be well-adjusted socially. Facilitating hangouts starting with elementary School play dates, getting them involved with extracurriculars outside of school, doing meaningful things with cousins and extended family, quality time with siblings, etc. You do the things you have to do to build up your child so they feel confident.

Sorry I know that's really harsh but when you bring the family's net worth into it and take into account that these are teenagers, it's just getting ridiculous. The ship sailed on inviting the whole class a long time ago, and if you put your socially disadvantaged child in a snobby private school, shame on you.

Found the a55hole parent.

Maybe, but I'm actually trying to help. I don't think OP or her child staying in this mentality is actually going to serve them well the next 5 years.

Agree. They're adopting a victim mentality instead of potentially owning that there might be a reason they didn't get invited. In my experience, kids that are invited to MS events are other friends or fun kids. If you're neither, well, be prepared to miss out on outside of school events after elementary school. Such is life.

"Fun kids" is code for the ones with permissive parents. While they are quite popular, I'm not so sure OP to stoop being a "fun kid" parent just to help her kid score more invites. You also tend to score a lot of invites to the police station and principal's office.

+1

[Anonymous]

Envy is the thief of joy.

Some people have big events, bar/bat mitzvahs, quinceaneras, weddings, and some don't. Our wedding was larger than most (large family + married older so friends were already coupled up), but smaller than the weddings of my Indian friends (week long events and so many hundreds of people).

Some people rent economy cars and some sedans and some SUVs and some luxury cars.

What a great place we live where there are so many options for everyone. And no, we all won't be invited to everything and that's ok

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did OP ever say it was private school?

OP said the parents were billionaires. Have you ever heard of a billionaire sending their kids to public school? Serious question. Maybe some do and you happen to know them! The rest of us are making a logical inference based on our imperfect knowledge of billionaires.

We don't live in the DC area but live in small suburb in a different state. It's probably rare but our kids do go to school with a well-known billionaire CEO’s kids at the local public school.