How "bad" is our dinner routine- parents eating separate from kids?
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Anonymous
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I think you MIL and mom have a quite common form of parenting amnesia... they value the dinner routine they had with their 7-12 yo kids and forgot what happened when kids are really young
I think your routine makes a lot of sense. You are with your kids as a family that's key. I am a big proponent of family dinner, I am French, it is almost a religion. But when kids were very little they also ate before us on weeknights. We got to later family dinners a bit later |
Anonymous
| We have always made family meals a priority even when my kids were babies. It meant sometimes we ate very kid friendly things and sometimes we ate more adult things and the kids have to try them. Now that we have middle schoolers sometimes family meals fall apart due to sports and other activities. But if everyone is home at dinner time we eat all together. Quick cooking meals and left overs are your friend. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| I think this is fine for week nights but I would encourage you to do family dinner at least once every weekend. It’s a good chance to practice manners and expose kids to different foods (evif they don’t eat them!) |
Anonymous
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+1
Only you can determine what is the optimal situation for your family in terms of eating together or apart. I would be more concerned that your kids are picky and you feed them their preferred (fairly bland) foods. Particularly if they are picky, how do you see them transitioning to adult meals? My kids are 6/8/10 and have always eaten the family meal, albeit sometimes deconstructed. I do think it has helped them be better eaters - one naturally likes trying new foods while the other just eats to survive, but all are good at eating a variety. The adults/older siblings helps normalize eating less palatable vegetables; it also allows them to see that while we all might have favorite/least favorite foods, we eat to be healthy not bc we like it. And now the older ones are increasing their spice levels, which I thought would never happen. |
Anonymous
| Good lord these comments are ridiculous. You’re bonding with the kids while they eat, which is great, and you still get to nourish your marriage every day — this sounds like a wonderful routine, OP! Some people on this forum are bonkers. The people flipping out about whether your kids will learn table manners are the funniest. |
Anonymous
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Is there a meal that you all regularly have together? Breakfast? Or weekend lunches? That will get you the together family time that daily dinner gives other families.
My mom had a fit when she realized that we don't all sit down as a family to each each night. (She seemed to have forgotten that my sister and I both ate early and then she ate with dad at 7:30 each night.) I pointed out that that we are all eating breakfast together each day, so we talk about what WILL go on instead of what already went on, then follow up later as needed. If you're worried about foods, just make enough one night to feed the kids the next night. That will get them used to eating the family meal. |
Anonymous
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Hi OP. You are totally ok because of course you aren't going to make or break anything this way as you are still spending a ton of quality time with your kids and your husband which is also important. But I do agree with others that at the age of your oldest I would really recommend starting a slow transition to family meals. The joy you get from cooking and eating with your husband, you ultimately want your kids to get that same joy as a family. It is a really bonding family thing just as you've found it bonding with your husband. Does that make sense? It will require a shift and you can start with just one night a week - pick sundays maybe.
The reason I recommend shifting is it is part of building your family culture and helping your kids learn to enjoy a variety of foods and learn to cook! Think of all the opportunity and joy they are missing around learning to cook. Since you and your husband both enjoy this, it would really be a bummer not to pass that on to your kids and these early years are the best time to do so. We have a similar schedule and we also love to cook together. We spend from 5-6p many weeknights and definitely Sunday night cooking as a family. Initially that might not be fun, but once you do it enough it really will be. We turn on music and my 6 year old is quite skilled honestly at helping now. He can chop/prep veggies while my husband preps other things, knows how to make a few dishes on his own, etc, knows how to watch for the rolling boil and put the pasta in, things like that (we are around the kitchen and supervising but he has a little stool and is pretty independent now because he's been doing it for years). Our 3 year old likes to stand at the stove in his learning tower with my husband and help stir etc. This has come from years of time and effort building this, so it won't happen overnight. But from your description, i really think you would enjoy it. It is so rewarding to see my children learning to love cooking. One of your barriers is the current preferred foods, but what I would do is cook what you want and incorporate the preferred foods as safe foods at each dinner. And sometimes do try to adjust the meals slightly so your kids can start to become used to them (adding spice for yourself later sometimes for example). but our youngest is much more selective, so we still cook the larger meals but we will have a couple other options on the table too. Sometimes he doesn't eat the main and eats the safe foods adn that's fine. So you can still throw out nuts, cheese, etc. as part of the meal. This will all serve so many purposes - when your children are engaged in the cooking they will be more likely to try things. And even sitting at the table while you eat it will be exposure even if they dont' eat a bite. Go slowly, you're fine. But I think you could enjoy this, it will take some time and work. And your kids will get used to a new food schedule. They are used to eating at 5 so their bodies will tell them it's time to eat! So it will be a slow switch but eventually they will be able to tolerate waiting til 6. |
Anonymous
I agree with it being fine to have separate kids/grownup dinners (I don’t but I like eating early so it’s easier for us to all eat together) but there has to be some transition from kids table to grownup table so OP should start thinking about how she wants to do that — incorporating kids into prep now, having a more formal grownup style weekend dinner, whatever works, so they’re prepared to join a more leisurely adult meal in a few years. |
Anonymous
| You need to do whatever works for you. That said, you need to keep introducing them to new food and broadening their palates, or they will still be eating the same way in 10 years time. |
Anonymous
No, you told her not to deny something that brings them joy which is cooking and eating by themselves without the kids. Then you say to later eat with the kids. That would be a contradiction to you suggesting they continue to do what brings them joy. You can’t have both as you are suggesting. |
Anonymous
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The meal isn't as important as time spent together. As long as you're doing that, everything is fine.
Honestly, I know no older kids and only two adults that are super picky eaters, and eat the way that a 3 year old might. One of them has ISSUES that were likely not considered such when he was growing up, and therefore never addressed, and the other is eating exactly the way he was brought up (meat and potatoes). My teenager and her friends of all stripes, eat pretty much every type of cuisine, not really because they were exposed to it at home as little kids, but because they're growing up in an area where there are kids from diverse backgrounds, and they get to eat like their friends do. And there are no kids that don't know how to use their forks and knives, or to chew with their mouths closed, although there are many that don't do family dinners for various scheduling reasons. |
Anonymous
I said they could incorporate the kids into making/eating the meals they do like after trying them, not that they need to stop all DW/DH dinners. |
Anonymous
| Why have kids? Never thought to have dinner with them say 4-5 days a week? The other day you could do this dinner thing with your spouse. And if marriage needs that dinner making time to be keep you and husband happy, then it’s not a good marriage. |
Anonymous
Congrats, you win dumbest comment of the thread. |