How "bad" is our dinner routine- parents eating separate from kids?

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp that how you are handling it right now is fine but by the time the youngest is 4/5 you should all be eating together. For now maybe transition to Sat and Sunday you eat all together. The kids are old enough that they could join you in the kitchen on the weekend and also help with some aspects of preparing the meal. Think about how the fabulous bonding you have with your spouse can be modeled to a fabulous relationship with your children. Let your kids see how you are working together and sharing your day. Show them how important that is.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see having this approach as a problem with little kids but do think you should think about your transition to having older kids. I would ease into it by (1) trying to push kids dinner a little later maybe starting with a veggie tray that is out when they get home and can munch on while you cook a simple meal for the whole family on some nights and (2) saving other nights for you and DH to cook late dinner. Before long kids will be able to go a bit later and stay up later. Also good to model eating at other meals on weekends

[Anonymous]

I think what you're doing is pretty much perfect.

Kids are eating healthy.

There is a family dinner in which you all sit together while they eat.

Both parents don't eat so there's no no weird vibe of "everyone but mom gets a plate."

You aren't wasting the precious time between the end of work and their bedtime cooking elaborate meals. Family time is optimized.

You have the evenings set for bonding time as a couple. You have time to cook interesting adult meals.

As the kids grow, I'm sure you all will adapt naturally.

[Anonymous]

My kids are in elementary school and go to bed by 8 so dinner is at 6pm. We eat together, it is just easier if everyone is eating the same thing. We have our share of pickiness to deal with so our meals are often customizable - eg Taco Tuesday where one kid only wants the beans and rice, another wants the cheese quesadilla, etc but we're all choosing from the same options. Another plus of the early dinner time is that once the kids go to bed, I have time to read a book or watch a show and still manage a reasonable bed time for myself.

You can still spend time with your husband bonding over cooking - this can be done in the form of meal prep for the next night's dinner, after the kids go to bed. That way it's also possible to get dinner on the table quickly for your hungry kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said yourself that you look forward to this time with your husband every day. A healthy marriage is the foundation of a healthy and happy family. You've survived the early years with kids that are pretty close in age, and I'm going to guess that nurturing this rock solid relationship with your spouse has been a big part of that. Your kids are eating healthy food and you're spending intentional time with them while they eat. Parenthood is hard enough, don't deny yourself something that brings you joy and works for your family because your mother and MIL don't like it.

I do think transitioning your kids to more meal-type food and eventually having a more traditional family dinner will be good in the long run. A PP suggested giving some of the previous night's leftovers as part of their tapas style dinner and I agree. When there ends up being some leftovers they actually like, you could incorporate the kids into the cooking and eating of those specific meals as a next step.

You contradict yourself between the two paragraphs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said yourself that you look forward to this time with your husband every day. A healthy marriage is the foundation of a healthy and happy family. You've survived the early years with kids that are pretty close in age, and I'm going to guess that nurturing this rock solid relationship with your spouse has been a big part of that. Your kids are eating healthy food and you're spending intentional time with them while they eat. Parenthood is hard enough, don't deny yourself something that brings you joy and works for your family because your mother and MIL don't like it.

I do think transitioning your kids to more meal-type food and eventually having a more traditional family dinner will be good in the long run. A PP suggested giving some of the previous night's leftovers as part of their tapas style dinner and I agree. When there ends up being some leftovers they actually like, you could incorporate the kids into the cooking and eating of those specific meals as a next step.

You contradict yourself between the two paragraphs.

Two things can be true, friend. Their current structure can work well and it can be good to change it in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said yourself that you look forward to this time with your husband every day. A healthy marriage is the foundation of a healthy and happy family. You've survived the early years with kids that are pretty close in age, and I'm going to guess that nurturing this rock solid relationship with your spouse has been a big part of that. Your kids are eating healthy food and you're spending intentional time with them while they eat. Parenthood is hard enough, don't deny yourself something that brings you joy and works for your family because your mother and MIL don't like it.

I do think transitioning your kids to more meal-type food and eventually having a more traditional family dinner will be good in the long run. A PP suggested giving some of the previous night's leftovers as part of their tapas style dinner and I agree. When there ends up being some leftovers they actually like, you could incorporate the kids into the cooking and eating of those specific meals as a next step.

You contradict yourself between the two paragraphs.

Kids grow up PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe anybody has a problem with this. You’re sitting with them while they eat, they get fed when they’re hungry and go to bed at a reasonable time, and you and your husband enjoy a later adult meal . What you do with the kids still sounds like a family dinner time to me.

It’s not like you’re giving them a TV dinner and ignoring them.

This

[Anonymous]

Separate issue for you - introducing them to these alternative food options will help expand their palates and make them better eaters overall. No reason to not start now. Family meal time is also a good chance to practice manners, conversation, etc. your meal sounds great in a time crunch but I think you and they would benefit from bringing them into your routine a bit more.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who did something similar and the kids were awful at the table. They didn’t lean table manners because they awkward ate by themselves. So something to think about is you modeling good eating habits with them.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter. The point is being together as a family. There's nothing magical about your kids and you eating the same foods for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Read "Dinner A Love Story" for recipes and tips on family dinner. I think if dinner has been such a priority and cornerstone for your marriage, move toward setting the precedent now that you all eat together one meal. We started when the kids were little and now that they are tween/teens the expectation is that everyone is at dinner, no phones, etc. It's a time we all share and often with schedules the only time to really connect in the day.

Friends who haven't been doing this since the kids were little find that the kids aren't interested in this charming family dinner routine.

No one that I know does family dinner seven nights a week for various reasons but I think you want to build up to more often. Maybe think about making or prepping dinner the night before so it doesn't take so long to prepare when you are done with work?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s brilliant! You are basically having a date every night with your husband. Don’t listen to the helicopter parents in here, they will wind up divorces in 7 years with miserable kid that they sacrificed their marriage for.

[Anonymous]

Family meals do not need to be a strict rule to work. Is there any time you are all sitting down at the same table and sharing a meal? It does not need to be only Mon-Fri at exactly 5:45pm.

That said, I'd start exposing your kids to the meal you and DH eat. Leave a small portion to split between your kids for the next day. That way they get to try new things too and they might really surprise you.

My picky eater 7 year old who used to lay on the floor and tell me dinner looked gross and he wasn't eating it because it wasn't plain noodles ate a MUSSEL the other day. I couldn't believe it. So you gotta play the long game, within reason.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine. It’s only a short period of time.